Victory!

DING, DONG the year is done...
well, almost. Adam just had his big final and in two days will have his H & P practical. Looking back, I am so stinking proud of him- he's sacrificed weekends and sleep, skipped out on fun times, and woken up at the butt crack of dawn to get studying done. Way to go, hubby.

Looking back, I'm pretty proud of me, too. I handled this year a lot better than I thought I would. (I'm not naturally a very selfless person, oddly enough) I really prayed that I wouldn't become resentful as I took on all the cleaning, cooking, 9-5 ing, and laundry and the Lord's really provided me with excellent perspective in those areas. i.e. He's our provider. I don't begrudge Adam because I see him working his butt off and dealing with the pressure 24/7. Also, he's really appreciative so that certainly helps. When we were at church in Texas, they told us to always come home and treat your spouse like they had a harder day than you did. Sounds weird but I think it's such great advise.

Nonetheless, I'm proud of us and thankful that the Lord brought us through year one. It was actually a very enjoyable season and I love this unique season of having the house to ourselves, drinking coffee together early, studying/reading at Barnes & Noble, and taking runs as "study breaks". I know we'll look back and miss this season and all our quality time!

So, I raise my glass of red wine with an orange slice in it to you, hubs.
You done good, boy.
You done good.

Life Starts Now!

One of the things I struggled with at the beginning of med-school was the mind-set of -I'm waiting for my life to begin after med-school. - We'll have more resources and more time then to really enjoy life together. I even remember a moment of wishing this time away, I wanted this season of my life to fly by, to be over with as quckly as possibly.

Then I realized, I don't want to wake up after my husband's graduation and realize the first four years of our married life together is gone and I wasted it wishing it away. My boss at work keeps telling me not to wish this time away because it will be over before I know it. And truly, I can't believe how fast the first year has gone by.

This is the real deal folks. You don't get a do-over. You can't press rewind. Life starts now! We need to embrace this season of our lives! This is as an opportunity from the Lord to serve and learn more about him, a time the Lord is forming our character.

It's still a challenge for me to fully embrace this season of life. I just have to keep reminding myself I will never get this time back again. And there are plenty of things we can do to enjoy this time in our lives, we just have to be a little creative.

Hop on the Encouragement Wagon

Something that we do in our small group is try to help one another to encourage our spouses. Instead of thinking about me, me, me- we're trying to focus more on what our medical school spouses are going through as they work their butts off, without pay, and deal with the constant pressure of making the grades! Some encouragements that we've come up with are writing little notes and sticking them into their books or backpacks, letting them know how proud we are of them, planning fun outings to get their minds off of the books, and writing 'suggestive' poetry.

That's right, you read that correctly. Sometimes, when the spouse is really stressed, what they may need is a good laugh. So instead of responding to that stress, we say respond with silly poetry.

Any other ideas?

Enjoy the experience, you will never get it back!

Moving to Erie was a huge change and adventure for my husband and I. We both grew up in a small Texas town and we went to college 30 minutes away. We met my senior year of college and dated for 6 months. After 6 months we were engaged and 6 months later we were married. I remember when we first met he told me he wanted to be a doctor. Of course I was so in love that it all sounded wonderful. I was warned by family members and friends about being a "doctors wife," but it didn't really bother me. I remember a month before our wedding my husband and I were sitting around the table with my family trying to choose music for our wedding reception. My poor husband was sitting there with his MCAT books in front of him trying to study and also take part in our conversation. That night was the first time it really hit me that I might not always have all his attention.
Once the MCAT was over and we were married, it was time to fill out applications for medical school. That was an ordeal in itself considering my husband only wanted to apply to osteopathic schools. There is only one in Texas so I knew we didn't have much of a chance to stay close to home. He first was accepted to a school in Florida and we were ready to move. Instead though he fell in love with Erie and that is how we ended up here!
Our first year here was a huge change. We had been married for a year and we were used to both teaching school and having the exact same schedule. I got a job teaching close to Erie and Josh started his first year at LECOM. His first day was a little lonely for me because I didn't know many people and I hadn't started to work yet. I actually cried that day because I thought this would be the rest of my life. I honestly think that day was the worst day ever when it came to missing my husband. Once school began for me and we got used to his schedule, we actually saw each other quite a bit. In order to save money, we knew we had to live on a budget. We found lots of fun, cheap ways to go out together and spend time together. Every Friday night we went to Wegmans to share a $6.99 14 " sub sandwich and then to Barnes and Noble to study. I was working on my masters so we were able to study together! That worked out very well! We also spent time out on the beach, running together, biking together, walking around the mall window shopping and taking long scenic drives! I truly believe that first year made our marriage so much stronger. I would have never learned how to truly depend on God and my husband if we had not had to move so far away. It has been extremely hard to be so far away from my family, but then again it makes the holidays more fun!
Now my husband is about to be a 4th year medical student and we are expecting our first baby this September. Even though we initially said we would not have a baby until residency, we realized God has different plans! Medical school has prepared us for this new journey because we have learned to depend on each other for help. It is hard to be so far away from family, knowing a new baby is on the way. However, it has also been a wonderful time for us to continue to grow together and prepare for what God has in store! Now that we are close to the end of medical school I am so glad we have had this experience together. I don't think I would ever be able to truly appreciate how hard doctors work if I had not actually experienced it for myself.
Two things that really bother me:
1) When people tell me stories about how doctors cheat on their wives and how they ignore their families.
2) When people tell me how lucky I am to be married to a doctor and how rich we will be one day. I know people say it to make me happy, but I also want them to realize that my husband has worked extremely hard to become a doctor and we have both made sacrifices to see his dream come true. It is not all about money.

One piece of advice my mom once told me: Doctors spend their day constantly solving problems, making choices, and constantly thinking about how they are going to save a life. Instead of making their life miserable when they come home by nagging them about why they are late or making them feel bad about having to work, make the time at home as special as possible so they love coming home to you and the family.

(I also agree with all of Camille's advice!!!)

Off to Med School...AHHH!

Well, I don't really know who will be reading our BLOG...hopefully lots of med school wives and med school wives to be. (Husbands are welcome and encouraged to read too...but just be warned, we are currently a group of 8 ladies doing the writing so you might be overwhelmed with estrogen at times.) Anyway, I was talking to a friend of ours who will be moving to med school with her husband this summer and I had some flashbacks to when my husband and I were preparing to move.

Doodlie do....doodlie do...doodlie doo... (That is dreaming music by the way.)

At the time, we had only been married for 6 months and we were waiting for responses from several schools. I can remember laying in bed at night wondering what the next few years would bring and where we were going to be going. It was strange to feel like we were preparing to move but not sure where we were going yet. Also, I had a lot of questions about what med school would be like. As is true with any life journey, I am sure that everyone's experiences, fears, questions are unique; but, I thought I would let you my in on my biggest fear about "the big move".

"Am I ever going to see my husband after he starts med school?"
Before being initiated into the "med school club" ourselves, we talked to many people who just kept reinforcing how busy my husband would be and that I better be a good supporter and be willing to not spend much time with him at all. Now I was ready to be his support (in the same way that he supports me) but I was used to having him to myself in the evenings so I was slightly concerned about not seeing him and being lonely. But, when we got here, I found that I was pleasantly surprised by how our schedule worked out and how much we were able to be together. If there was one thing that I learned in the first year, it is that EVERYONE handles medical school differently. While I did have friends whose significant other lived at the library, my husband studied best at home and enjoyed spending study breaks with me. He studied a lot on weekends but made it a point to take at least one night off to have a date night. (To be honest...most non-test weekends, we had two date nights!!) Anyway, long story short, it was not nearly as bad as I imagined (or had been warned to expect!). One factor that may have helped was that I was busy with my job and had work to do in the evenings. Even still...we made the best of his study sessions with some tea and some soft music.

Again, EVERYONE is different and makes a different schedule for themselves. Will it be new and different...most likely. But sometimes new and different is refreshing.

And when you need something to spice up med school life...

-Find a group of girls to meet for coffee once a week. It is such a blessing to be able to encourage each other and just relate to someone who is going through a similar time in life. (Note: in the first year, it may take some work to find a group you can get close with...but if you put yourself out there, chances are that you will find others who are also looking for some support!)

-Plan a special date with your husband. One of our girl friends tries to do some kind of special date (even just going to the beach) after each of her husband's big tests. That way they get to spend time together and he can relax after studying.

-Make studying a date. Another friend and her husband study at BARNES and NOBLE every weekend together.

Anyway, enough from me. Anyone else have a nagging question about "tagging along" to med school (or one you had before you came if you are already there)?

One last thing.

Just as an aside to that last post that I wrote-

I think that no matter what profession you're in- if you're a doctor, a garbage man, a teacher, or a stay-at-home parent, you're a flawed human and temptation will lurk. I think the kicker is KNOWING that and setting up appropriate boundaries. A good book that address that is "Sacred Marriage." Also, "Love & Respect."
okay, end rant.

Negative Nellies

One thing that we've occasionally discussed amongst our little group is the negative, unsolicited advice and comments that come our way. When people (often complete strangers) find out that you're married to a medical student, they sometimes feel free to let the darts fly. Stories of doctors who cheated on their wives, had affairs with nurses, or ran away with a colleague come about. My thoughts?

#1- You don't know my husband, lady. He fears the Lord and he's got integrity.
#2- Even if my husband was a dirty, rotten scoundrel? We're already married. And what you're telling me is not encouraging or beneficial in any way.
#3- Making me insecure is not going to help my marriage, dude.

So, stand firm spousal friends. You know the fellow/lady that you married. I'm excited that my husband wants to pursue medicine and, you know what? No Negative Nelly's going to take that away.

The First Year....Adopting The Same Goal

My husband is just coming to the end of his first year of med-school. The year started slow at first (I was probably already thinking of the 4 years to come), but after Anatomy, everything is kind of a blur. I can't believe his first year is almost over, and on May 22 I'll be doing my hallelujah dance!

The first year of med-school was also accompanied by my first year of marriage. The picture I had in my head of what my first year of marriage was going to look like ended up looking a little different that I had thought. I was looking forward to sharing my evenings with my new husband and lots of quality time together on the weekends. I'm not naive, I knew he had to study a lot to be successful school, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for this. But he was studying a lot! This was very difficult for me and I felt like my husband was choosing med-school over me.

I had a few rough nights of being exceptionally needy. But my caring and loving husband explained he's not just in med-school for himself, he's working really hard for both of us. Once I realized this and adopted the same goal of my husband becoming a doctor, I was able to accept his disciplined study habits. Weekends of preparing for Monday exams were challenging because I didn't really see him, but I know that he was working hard for both of us.

You Know You Are A Med School Wife If...

You know you are a med school wife if...

• You receive book-sized packages on your front step about every 3-4 business days and have purchased additional shelving to store all of these "packages".
  
• You have found yourself talking freely about bodily functions with your coworkers and stopped when you noticed them shifting uncomfortably in their seats.
  
• You know what the ASIS is and could locate it on the body.
  
• You have been caught looking through the derm section of your husband's pathology book. (Hey...there is some pretty gross stuff in there!)
  
• You get nauseous 4 times a year when you read, "If you were to begin payments today, your monthly bill would be..."
  
• You are very familiar with the smell of formaldehyde.
  
• You know who Dr. Goljan is and have listened to more than one consecutive hour of his lectures on a road trip.

These are just a few...feel free to add more!

Crazy Wives

This blog is a conglomeration of posts written by eight friends who are wives of medical students. Our initial idea was to write a novel on being married to a medical student, however, we weren't sure when we would actually have time to sit down and write a book. This blog is the next best thing.

We think that there is a population of folks out there who are experiencing this season of life and having a little community to express our ideas, thoughts, wisdom, suggestions, and mad poetry (maybe not) would be a good idea. You know, so we don't have a nervous breakdown and run through the streets wearing a cape, throwing our husband's anatomy handouts into the wind.

ENJOY!