Attitude

First of all, I would just like to say how much I appreciate the encouraging vibe on this blog.  While none of us would pretend that life or marriage is easy, the purpose here is to share stories that encourage one another and I really appreciate that.
My husband and I just went through his "last summer."  Unfortunately, because I work for a residency program, summer is my busy season.  We were still able to spend time together and I must admit, I got a little spoiled.  Not only did we have more quality time together, he loves to cook and I rarely cooked a meal this summer.  I thought I was prepared for him to go back...wrong :)  Not only was he going back to school, he had also taken on the role of Christian Student Fellowship president.  I have been assured that role will settle down a little but orientation was a crazy time for him.  The role of chef and house cleaner, on top of a full time job, were quickly mine again. 
This year I decided I was going to stay on top of the house more efficiently and make sure Luke did not have to feel stressed to help out around the house.  Did I mention his goal this year is to study harder?  I have felt pretty good about how well I have been doing on my goal.
"Pride cometh before the fall," right?
I have come to realize that while I have been keeping the house clean and cooking regular meals, I have not had a good attitude about it.  My lack of joy in my work creates stress on Luke and I both.  Turns out, I am a lot more irritable when I am serving out of duty more than blessing and love.  My poor husband is actually one of the most considerate people I know and I was unconsciously acting as if he was super demanding and expecting me to do everything.
While I certainly don't have this down and perfected, it is important for us to remember what a difference our attitude makes in our marriage.  This is actually a major point discussed in the book Prescription for a Doctor's Wife.  Our attitude affects the atmostphere of our home and that is not something to be taken lightly. 
I know Steph has mentioned both of these books before but I would also like to recommend Prescription for a Doctor's Wife and Love Dare.  They both have great tangible ways to practice really loving our spouses. 

ruined forever

5 years ago, orthoman was a lowly MSI. this would have been the end of his first week of med school. he biggest fear wasnt that he would fail out of med school, or that he would get overwhelmed by everything, or even that he would make friends. no, he was afraid to be "that guy".

what guy? that guy. you know, the guy who walks into the anatomy lab for the first time and faints. the guy that gets sick when they make that first incision into the cadaver. yeah - THAT one. at 6' 3" and 250lbs, he imagined standing there in a group, with a petite girl standing in front of him. then, the professor takes out the scapel and BOOM! he falls forward in a dead faint, knocking some poor, unsuspecting girl down with him. i still laugh when i imagine that.

but luckily for him, that never happened. in fact, he was really proud of how well he stomached everything. okay, well, he did admit to feeling a little queasy for the first few minutes, but he toughened up right after that...

i started working a few weeks after we moved and we decided to go have a nice dinner to celebrate the new job, his finishing the first month of med school, and our first $44,000 tuition bill. so we looked up an italian restaurant with good reviews and were off!

dinner was AMAZING. well, my dinner was. orthoman cant really comment on how his was... because he decided to take the waiter's recommendation and ordered a sausage risotto dish. when the plates were set in front of us, he literally DRY HEAVED. that's right folks, he was immediately nauseated by the sight of his dish. apparently, sausage and risotto looks eerily similar to one's body fat and his cadaver happened to be a particularly large woman.

it's been 5 years and let me tell you... neither one of us has eaten risotto since!

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if you found this story/image upsetting, then you are CLEARLY the wife of a first year med student because as the years pass you become completely numb to any and all things related to the human body. seriously. we had dinner with a fellow intern and his wife last weekend and the things our husbands were talking about would have made any normal person sick just overhearing it. get used to it babe, cause it's par for the course!

AND WELCOME ALL NEW MED WIVES!

the journey is long but man, you'll get some great stories out of it!

musings

on this day many, many years ago - back when it was 2009 - OrthoMan opened an email. it was the results of his Step 1 scores taken just a few weeks previously...

our family of 3 was a family of 2.5. there was 1 car, a pregnant wife/chauffeur, {future} Orthoman, and enough stress and anxiety to fill Yankee Stadium.

it was early in the morning when we set out on the 20 minute drive to the testing center. there was 7 weeks of INTENSE preparation leading up to this one test. we didnt really speak because we were both so freaked out. i mean, this one effing test would determine the rest of our lives!!! and as everyone here knows, that's really not an overstatement. i gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my hands hurt when i got home. i was convinced that my lil heart would explode at any minute, which would distract Orthoman while he was taking his test and cause him to fail said test and have his life ruined TWICE in one day. yikes.

i dont remember much about that day because frankly, i went home and slept for most of the day. except for when i went to Coldstone for lunch. and got the love it size. in a waffle cone. with 2 mix-ins.

since we had only 1 car i had to guess when he might be finished. i showed up about an hour earlier than he suggested. then i waited an hour and a half to see him. i had on NPR and pretended to listen to The Splendid Table {great program, btw}. and then i saw him. he walked out with his bf/bff/study buddy/comrade/etc. he nodded in my direction, acknowledging my presence, but didnt move from his spot. he stood there an extra 43 minutes (YES! i counted). i wanted to smack him, but instead i gave him a kiss when he got into the car and gave him a cheesy grin.

but he sat there. that ass just sat there not saying anything. "i didnt fail it, but i didnt do much better than passing."

it almost killed me. i reassured him as best as i could. of course he didnt fail!

but what if he did? what if my husband, whose friends commended him for studying the hardest and longest, actually failed. i wanted to strangle him and scream. i wanted to yell and shout, "how can you do this to us?!?! i've given EVERYTHING to make this work and to support you!" {and those thoughts were in no way fueled by my pregnancy hormones, i swear}.

instead, i said, "do you still want to go to Red Robin and get some dinner?"

a few weeks later i was sitting at my desk at work. my feet were being propped up by a box of office paper and i was on the phone with one of the partners, trying to figure out where the numbers must have been transposed on a statement. it was about 90 billion degrees outside and 4473% humid {once again, i am in no way exaggerating). the conversation was lasting longer than my bladder and i was dying. the last thing on my mind was {future}Orthoman. then i got a text. it said nothing except three numbers. i re-read it 4 or 9 times to make sure i got it right.

2-he kicked-ass

after a month of preparing for the worst and expecting nothing, here it was. he was home free. he had license to become WHATEVER he wanted! we could go into any field we wanted! we managed to break through the glass ceiling.

i just wish he had some idea of what he wanted to go into.

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i'm an orthowife, and this is my life.