Hi beautiful ladies!
Well, I just wanted to say that I can't believe the first year is almost done. One more month and we've made it through! I feel like I just watched my hubby receive his white coat for the first time. I couldn't be prouder of him right now, honestly. There were parts of this year that almost felt turbulent like the first year of marriage- moments that reminded us to keep communicating, supporting and loving each other unconditionally.
I would love for anyone to share their impressions after the first year and how much life changed for them if at all! Also how about residency? Will it be a sigh of relief or another huge undertaking for another 4 years or so? I would love to know how this whole process has been for everyone, at whatever stage you are at :) I hope it's been good for all of you so far. Sending my love <3 Ashli
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Hey, Seems like the last couple of posts have been about residency and what its like so I thought I'd chime in with what I have found.
My husband is in his second year of his internal medicine residency at a very large and super busy hospital. Prior to starting residency I was very nervous about the time commitments he would have and the strain that it might put on our marriage and family (we now have a 2 year old and a 4 month old). Many people told HORROR stories about residency. BUT, the thing is, that every program is different, every hospital is different and every couple handles things differently. I think the best thing you can do is just be prepared to adjust to a new schedule and as you mentioned, keep communication a priority. And, the challenging part is to remember that while you may be lonely often, your spouse has a lot on his/her plate as well with a demanding work schedule and wanting to be with his family. I find that when I put him first and acknowledge that he has a lot going on, I myself am much happier and there is less strain between us. (Rather than when I think, "Woe is me! He's never home!!") I think the more you buy into the fact that residency will be a horrible time, the harder it will be because you're looking for it.
There are some months that I dread more than others (ICU is coming up again and I'm planning a vacation to be with family so I won't get lonely!) but overall, my husband has learned to do a great job balancing 100 hour weeks and 30 hour calls with spending QUALITY time with our family.
Another help is that the hospital we are at has a GREAT spouse support system that plans activities and has helped me to meet other wives who are also adjusting to new stages in life. If your residency program doesn't have one, seek out some of the other spouses and try to start some kind of get togethers.
And someone else mentioned timing of kids. Having a husband in residency does mean that I do a lot of things by myself with my kids (baths, bedtime, outing...) but I am so glad we didn't wait for it to be over. My son sometimes gets really sad when Daddy isn't home to be with us during his busy times but the bond between them is amazing and they have so much fun together when he's home. If you feel like you're ready for kids, don't let residency hold you back! In fact, sometimes kids are a great way to meet other people and get plugged into the area through playdates and such! :)
Now that I am rereading this, I'm not sure it fully answers your question but I'll post it anyway in case it is helpful to someone out there.
God Bless!
Congrats on making it through year one. My husband just finished his second year. I can totally relate to being very proud of him after the white coat ceremony (he just had his last weekend). His med school does the white coat ceremony after M2 because that's when they start their clinicals.
I'm sincerely hoping & praying that this gets easier. I know that it probably won't but I definitely feel like we got the fuzzy end of the lollipop. We are currently moving because his program has 3 community campuses for M3&4. Of course we got the campus furthest away. SO this means relocating, getting a new job, finding new friends, etc. This is tough.
Don't get me wrong, I knew it would be difficult. We have a great marriage. I just get lonely often.
I really liked reading Lauren's response about residency & the spouse support system they have. I guess I'll have to look into that or possibly start one myself. Thank you for the inspiring & honest response about residency Lauren!
Thank you for these posts! My husband is just applying to school and it's nice to get some perspectives. Great insight!
Thank you so much for your replies :) <3 <3 <3
We just finished the first year of med school and I was away all year- which was, in my mind, way easier. When we spent time together, it was just him and I. Now that we've started 2nd year and we're together, it's hard to be patient when he's studying for what seems like all the time. Our relationship has changed now that we live together and so for him being in med school and me seeing him in school-mode has been a transition for sure!
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