Ok ladies, how do you handle this? I have felt like just an extenuation of med school with my husband lately. It seems like spending time together and being married is just another thing for him to check off. Scott is behind in his rotations due to some health problems so we are about 3/4 of the way through our third year. This has caused us both a lot of stress. We will be staying an extra year so that he can catch up and do some research. How do you handle the stress of our guys being all about medicine 24/7? Where is the off button? :) I'd like to spend some time with hubby Scott not not Dr. Must get everything done now and right and perfect Scott. Any suggestions?
It hasn't helped that I've recently stopped taking birth control. I loved my pill b/c it kept me sane. Not taking the pill makes me very anxious but we do want to have kids so..... I'm just going to ride this hormonal wave until I can learn to adapt. But like I said it doesn't help with the nonstop med student life.
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5 comments:
Don't hang it all on your self, he needs to learn to turn it off and there's not a lot you can do to force it. My guy is mis studying for his boards and it's hard, he spends almost all day in the office over a book. But every now and then he comes out and we get some time to just be us. But I have to wait for those times to come. Long story short, don't blame your self for his inability to let go, you can't force it, but if you give him time and space he'll come out of it and you'll get your hubby back, even if it's just for an hour or so.
My hubby has been MIA for the past 2 months studying for Step 1 boards as well. I have a couple thoughts on it. Yes, its hard. It completely sucks. And I have a 2 month old baby now, so that makes it twice as hard. But ladies, most of us probably knew what we were getting ourselves into when we started dating/married these guys. And its OK to have a few moments or days to feel sorry for yourself, or feel alone because yes its HARD! But our guys need our support! Would we honestly want it the other way around? What if they were dragging us through this and instead of having their nose in their books, they were out every night with friends, watching TV, etc...would we really want it any other way? I have to remind myself daily of how upset I would be if he moved our family across the united states, took out ridiculous amounts of student loans, only to goof off and not take it seriously. These guys eat, breathe and sleep med school. And thats how it should be. And yes, I 100 percent agree he does need to take time to pay attention to you, and to your needs as well. After all, who would he be without your support! Just be honest with him, take him aside if needed and tell him how you feel. He will never know if you dont. And please believe that I feel the way you do probably about 98 percent of the time...so by posting this, it helps me remind myself how to be! We may not by med students, but it takes a strong woman to be a med-school wife! Hang in there, he will be an awesome doctor because of all of this, and you will be a stronger woman! :)
Ali well said. Mab, I definitely agree with letting him know. My fiance and I had this thing where we went and sat outside every single night. That was "our time". Well since he started school we haven't done that. So the other night I told him that I understood he had to study a lot, but maybe we can do something together every other week. Schedule something. So we did. Last night we had dinner and went to the movies. It was nice to spend time with him like that. Of course when we got home he went stright to the books :) but like Ali said, I'd rather have him studying then not.
Thanks for the advice girls. I'm doing all of that but wondered what more I could do. After several tough days we've finally gotten back on track. In the middle of all of this I've finished up the school year and we have moved from an apt to renting a house. The craziness never stops but like you guys I'd rather have him studying than not. I'd hate to have him under foot all the time.
We ALL go through this. While I don't have any physicians in my family...and those who do, please chime in...I think you need to become a little more independent because it may get a little better as the years go by but, doctors are also very busy. SO, I think we all need to be strong and realize that some of this is temporary and some is not. The number one piece of advice a surgeon's wife gae me, "Be independent." I say this as much for you as myself. It is hard. Sometimes I wish he did things like my dad did...dropping everything just to drive my mom to walgreens...going for long walks with her just to spend time...canceling work for the day if we were sick...I could go on. But, for me, I have to remind mysel that my dad was a handyman who was not very driven and mad very little $$. this meant that my mom had to hold up a full-time job all while raising four kids. So, in my mond I try to remind myself how much I respected his ambition and admired his courage to dream big about his future. And that's what we are living through now...the sacrifice to make his big dream come true. I know sometimes we lose touch with what a big deal this is...how hard it is for him, too. So I am working on doing things on my own, being available when he is ready to take his nose out of the book and just being proud of his huge accomlishment.
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