June 12, 2010

first real arguement

So fiance and I had our first real arguement. I went out tonight with his friend from medschool and his girlfriend. After leaving the bar and arriving at Whataburger, I did not call him to let him know I was okay. I figured I'd call when I got home to let him know I was home okay. Apparently he wanted me to call him when I left the bar, when I left the restaraunt, and when I got home. This ended up turning into a huge arguement. And of course thanks to my big mouth turned into something bigger than what it needed to be. He went out last week with same guy except no girlfriend and some girl they go to school with. He posted a picture online of them three and I admit I was jealous. I do not know who this girl is and I would like to meet her. Instead of making it an arguement I just let him know that I'd like to meet this person. I left it alone. But tonight when he was yelling at me for not calling him to let him know that I was okay. I flipped out. Yes I'm thankful that he was concerned about me, but I really felt like he was wanting me to "report" to him. I have a huge problem with that. I then expressed how upset I was about him going out with this unknown woman but I didn't make it a big deal because I gave him the benefit of the doubt and knew that Id soon meet her. But he doesn't do the same for me. I'm just so confused now. We get married in 49 days. He said something like "I don't need to be married to a person who is insecure because people will be able to see you like that"....and then he said something like, "I dont want to have to be having conversations like this while I'm busy in medical school trying to study". I dont know what to say, think, or do. Any advice?


the Jennings secede from the South said...

Oh wow. Well, first of all- I think that the engagement period can be a highly stressful one and it is normal to argue. Combine being engaged with medical school and that's a tall order, no doubt!

Only you can know what red flags are real or not. In my totally UNprofessional opinion, I would have a serious talk about expectations for marriage, friendships in med school, how you two will make time to spend together, etc.

Having said that, it sounds like y'all are not in the same city right now and I would chalk a lot of it up to those circumstances, if that be the case. I mean, you would've been out with that group if you were in Galveston, right? And then you probably would've seen the girl was harmless and it never would've been an issue?

Anyways, good luck assessing and navigating these waters! I hope everything turns out okay and gets resolved!

Kari said...

Thanks for the encouragment. We're not in the same city right now, and we would have definitely been out together if we were. Which is another thing that concerns me. I'm a teacher and have not found a job where he's going to med school at. If I do not find a job we're going to have to be newly weds and 400 miles away from each other. We're fine when we're together. It's when we're apart that we argue like this. He's on his way back home so I hope this gets resolved soon and we'll be okay. I'll keep you posted. It's going to be a pretty intense 2 months.

Mel and Scott said...

My husband and I fought almost every week of our engagement. It is a very tough time. I'm a teacher as well. We got married, moved, started med school and a new job for me all within 6 weeks of our wedding day. This time is going to be filled with lots of emotions and at times hurt feelings.

My husbands med school class has a lot of women in it and they spend crazy amounts of time together. There was one girl in particular whom he seemed to always be grouped with. I came to see Gabi as his med school wife. That is once I met her. Our husbands are going to be spending time with men and women that we may or may not get to met. You have to trust him and his love for you. I tell Scott that I usually don't get jealous because he comes home to me.

As far as the checking in with him goes you have to understand how he is feeling maybe. This is just a stab in the dark but you are going to be his wife. He feels like he has a great responsibility in making sure that you stay safe. It's the typical man must be provider and protector mentality. It's not necessarily a bad thing. My husband and I let each other know where we are going to be. This has turned out to be great because I can't tell you the number of times he has shown up at my classroom door, flowers in hand to surprise me with a visit. It's always nice to know where my other half is. I have surprised him with dinner and such when he is on call.

Things are changing and life will be a little rocky but trust in your self, your husband to be and in God. We'll all be here if you need us.

Ashley said...

First of all, I totally agree with what the other girls said. The engagement period is such an emotional rollercoaster. I seriously turned into a crazy person during those six months. I kid not. My husband and I still laugh about it. So before you do anything too drastic, take a step back and laugh at yourselves for a minute :)

Second, I think you really need to sit down and establish some couple "rules" before you get married. This isn't to tie anyone down or make you lose your freedom, but it makes your expectations clear prior to getting married.

Last, be flattered that he wanted to check in on you. It's sweet for a man to want to make sure his sweetheart is safe. I know husbands that don't show their wives they care about them at all. You'd much rather have one that wants to protect you and make sure you're ok :)

Good luck, girl. I'm sure things will be fine. Be positive, don't take yourself too seriously, and as many of us said before...sit down and talk about your expectations.