October 29, 2009

Quitter

Can I just quit? He has only been in med school since July and already Im sick of it--how pathetic am I?
Everything revolves around HIS schedule and even our weekends aren't free of some sort of obligation/activity/volunteer opportunity/commitment. I know I'm not being very supportive right now, but I'm so stressed out with having to take care of everything by myself that I want to scream.

9 comments:

Derricca said...

*hugs* No, don't quit. Christmas break will be coming soon. Hang on to that! Then spring break, summer break. You just HAVE to keep looking forward. Check in with us, let us know how you are doing. We are all here, going through it together. :)

Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

I'm sorry it does stink and it takes some getting used to but you will adjust so that it is more bearable.
Make sure you communicate with your husband and let him know how you feel. And although you may have to take on more responsibilities while he ADJUSTS that doesn't mean he gets to abandon his duties as a husband. So see if there are things that he can do to better manage his time so that he can help you out.
Also although he will need to study on weekends he shouldn't burn himself (and you) out on doing every extra curricular and volunteer event). Just a FEW extra curriculars this year and he can always pick up more later - right now he needs to focus on studying and balancing his family life and his student life.
Make sure you still schedule date nights (its important that you guys have some time together because otherwise it is easy to get resentful).
Have you met any other med school wives? Do you have time to pick up any new hobbies to distract yourself while he studies?
Hang in there! You guys will adjust!

and83 said...

I agree, Date Nights are a MUST! And we even set aside time for dinner together EVERY night...now it might only be 30min to an hour but it's something. We try our very hardest NOT to talk about school during those times.

A couple more ways to keep you busy is to organize a wives club. Meet as many times as you want during those "hard core" study times. It helps and it's nice to have people around who know what you're going through! Also join a gym or rec center. "Excersise gives you endorphines, and endorphins make you happy...happy people don't shoot their husbands!" (Legally Blond)

S said...

Hahaha, I do triathlons and its the only thing that DOES keep me from shooting him!

The problem is there arent ANY married people in his class. Ok, one guy, but he isn't chummy with him. My husband is...shall we say...friendly with girls. It makes it difficult for me sometimes to make friends with people in his class. The only girls I know are from church and their husbands are in Law/PA/PT school (only 2 years!!!!!) and can't relate.

I was talking to him yesterday and in the course of our conversation an analogy came to mind.Last weekend his class had a Field Day where they played games against the other societies in their class. I wasn't allowed to participate (or so we thought) so I had to sit in the cold on a folding chair watching him run around with his classmates like a soccer mom.
That is how I feel: like a spectator to his fun.

I work so he can fulfill his dream. I dont even do something that I particularly enjoy. I have always taken care of the majority of the house stuff, so that's not a huge change--its frustrating to have to do it all, all the time. I graduated from college expecting to go to law school: instead Im supporting him through medical school. (My decision, but a hard one). I would love to go to culinary school but we cant afford double tuition and no one to take care of the bills (law school would be too stressful on the both of us and it would add 150k to our school debt).

I know I am being negative, I am so overwhelmed. I guess this is why I joined this blog. I need you ladies in these times because only you understand.

Jessica at Musings of a Medical Spouse said...

I agree with the other ladies. You need to make sure you guys are setting aside at least one night of substantial time to hang out. That way you have something to look forward to! My husband and I were terrible about that until about this time of year his 1st year and it made a world of difference!

I also took on an extra job and made sure to schedule lots of time with the significant others in town. It doesn't matter if they are actually married - fiances and girlfriends/boyfriends have the same problems too! We moved to a new town and I tried to schedule a happy hour at least every other week.

Lastly, it sounds like maybe you need to change your attitude slightly (I don't know how to make that sound as nice as I mean it in print!) He is going through all of this for your future together. So he can support you and help you reach your goals in the future. Marriage is all about give and take - and right now as wives we are giving, giving, giving...so that we can take some in the future :)

It really helped when my husband was on break and took over some of the things I had been doing all year. Let him know what you need from him - as much as I wish men were mindreaders...they just aren't! :) G

ood luck and hang in there. As you guys adjust to this new lifestyle it only gets better!

Mel said...

Last week I was in the same place that you are in now. I was ready to throw in the towel. I totally agree with what the other ladies said. Two other things that I can add are 1. On date night don't just go out to dinner and talk about med school go do something. We like to go see a local comedy group or museum. This gives us something to talk about other than that great big med school monster. 2. I use a website called flylady.net to stay organized and not feel overwhelmed by the enormous burden of taking care of everything else. My husband also has three chores that are his responsibility and his alone. I am willing to help out during those more stressful days but he helps pull his weight and I fell less like a maid/roommmate.

Mel said...

I'd like to join this blog. It really helped me a lot last weekend. My email address is pearson.melissa@gmail.com. Thanks!

S said...

Thanks ladies for your comments. Jessica, you are right, I do need to change my attitude. Ironically, I am typically a happy and positive person. I think I hit a rough patch recently. Mel, thanks for your empathy, welcome to the blog!

I appreciate the support I get from you, my "colleagues". May you continue to find the reassurance in each other that I find in you.

You are awesome women!

Jessica said...

I want to join this blog. I've just been reading through some of the comments and while I've felt like a completely selfish child for having my feelings... it's a lot better knowing that it's normal for us to feel this way.

Email is: Jvia@ymail.com