Kids and Med School?

As I read some of the comments on previous postings, I saw that a couple of you had asked about how kids and med school works. Up until a month ago, our group of ladies had no experience in this area and couldn't really give much firsthand advice. Now, Sarah has welcomed little Addy...but still, we don't have tons of experience yet!

My husband and I were married 6 months before coming to med school, so for us, waiting to have kids until residency seemed okay. We did get the baby itch early though and I am now 6 months along with our first! (My husband will be in the middle of his fourth year when the baby is born.) Now that we are working out the details of finances and schedules and such, I can see how it would have been possible for us to have kids earlier if that is what we decided.

But anyway, I wanted to share the experience of another med school wife who has TONS of experience with kids and med school. Nicci's husband started med school when their son was about 10 months old. I know that the first year was hard for her because her husband studied mostly at the library. I think he tried to study at home, but their son would tap and tap on the study window so it was a bit distracting!! But, they made it through the first year fine. From what she said, the second year was easier because they had more of a schedule. Still, their little boy had a hard time not being with daddy when it was time to study. Cute story...sometimes they would let him go "study" with daddy and the little boy would pack up his picture books into a backpack, put on this huge pair of reading glasses and his little kid scrubs, and sit on the office floor next to his dad for some "study time". Very cute. Nicci did have a hard time telling him that daddy didn't need a study buddy all the time though! (I think the little boy might turn out to be a nerd after all of that study time at a young age!!)

Anyway, halfway through second year, Nicci and her husband welcomed baby boy number two. Her husband didn't get much time off when the baby was born, but he juggled his schedule to be home when he could.

This is where the amazing part of the story comes though. Nicci's husband is in the army and decided to do his rotations through the army - which meant all over the country!! I have really been amazed at how Nicci has handled this situation. For the most part, she tries to travel with him each month. Sometimes they stay with family or friends for the month, other times they are in army housing, and one month, they had to live in a one room hotel! You may think that Nicci is crazy (and I will admit that I couldn't do what she did!) but she and her boys have seen some AWESOME places. They have been to Texas, Arizona, Washington state, Utah, Pennsylvania, Georgia, and...HAWAII! (They were in Hawaii for 2 whole months!!) The key to Nicci's success is that she is super adventurous and views each new location as a chance to explore. For example, they have visited the children's museums in almost each city they have been to, they climbed Mt. Renier in Washington together (slowly!), went dune sledding in the desert in Arizona, swam every day in Hawaii, they take walks and explore parks in each new city and have even attended some big sporting events together. Nicci really looks into the area's attractions and they make family outings together on the weekends. I really admire her sense of adventure and although moving monthly could be traumatic for some kids, I think her attitude and flexibility help to make it a great experience for her kids too! Now her oldest is almost four and the youngest is one and a half and she has a third on the way! It takes work on her part, but I think she really enjoys most of their time traveling.

Now, traveling around the country may not be for everyone but it is possible. I think most things in life are possible with the right attitude...including moving away from family to go to med school, or even have kids while in med school. Other med school friends who have small children seem to band together and support each other. I know a group of ladies in our area that has weekly play dates and mommy outings. It is possible and many people do it well! Any of our readers have children in med school? (Or in residency...I am curious about that because it is coming up for me!)

the schedule of a med school student

And were back! Like Camille said .. were all going to start posting again! Stay tuned.

So I thought I would share what Freeland's schedule looks like these days. I always imagined him being at the library all day & never seeing him .. ever. I was totally wrong. It isnt that way at all.

I should preface with this: everyone is different, they all study different, have different sleeping patterns, and work in different ways, etc. etc. etc. I should also preface that I dont care much for perfect grammar in case you havent noticed.

I think that generally a med school students study schedule looks different for people who are married. At least I see a difference in how Freeland studies vs. how the people who arent married in his class study. Not that if you arent married you wont study as well or anything. Its just I think when you are married your priorities & the way you spend your time changes.

It was always comforting to me before school started to hear Adam & Camille talk about how Adam studied as much as he could before she got home from work so they could still spend time together at night.

Freeland has taken on the same goal & I think its helped make this transition so much easier. He also studies at home. For us that works really well. But I know that everyone is different. So here is an example of what a normal day is for Freeland:

4:00am - Yes thats 4:00. Wakes up and starts studying. Reviewing things ahead of time for class.
7:00am - gets ready and eats breakfast then leaves for school at 7:30
8:00am - class
12:00pm - lunch
1:00pm - class, lab, etc.
4:00 - gets home anywhere between 3:00 and 5:00 each day then reviews the materials from class, studies what he didnt understand, reads more.
6:30 - anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30 (normally depending on when I finish dinner) he stops studying. Then we spend the rest of the evening together.. go on walks, watch TV, run errands, or see friends.
9:00 - bed. Then he reads until he falls asleep.

So we still get the entire night together. Yes, he wakes up ridiculously early. No, I dont think thats really that normal. But it works for him & he enjoys getting so much done before class starts. We used to go to be pretty late so going to bed so early was a little adjustment but he quickly adjusted! :) I just read while he sleeps.

On the weekends he still wakes up early and then studies on & off the entire time. We still have date nights and see friends or go out every weekend.

So, as far as Freeland's day to day schedule goes .. it isnt all that bad. Yes, there are nights I would rather hang out with friends longer or mornings I wish he didnt have to wake up so early. But its all worth it for us to get so much time together & for him to feel like he has enough time to study.

Im not sure what all the other spouse's schedules look like. Im sure all of us are completely different. But you find what works for the both of you and go from there.

I could go on & on but I will stop blabbing for now. Happy Monday.

Posting

Sorry it's been so long, folks! Sarah, Bethany, Brooke, and I are over here visiting Baby Addy (Sarah's 1-month-old... so, yes, you can have a baby in med school) and discussing this here blog. We're going to work on picking it on back up and if you are interested in posting on this blog, shoot us a comment!

Gracias & see you soon!

remember that time I said I would post?

Well I wasn't lying. I just didn’t say when I would post. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about posting all the time. I even had ideas of what to write... but I just never got around to doing it. Now I can’t remember any of those ideas! Bummer.

I think the hard part is I don’t really know who I’m writing this to or for. Is it for anyone to read? for myself? For someone to find when they google “med school wife”? ect. So I guess I will just ramble! Lucky you.

Here is a little catch up:

The husband started classes and is now in his 2nd month of school. Starting out this whole process of my husband going to med school wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be! Honestly! In terms of our marriage it really hasnt changed anything at all.

I remember feeling excited about him starting & genuinely looking forward to it and then thinking "am I naive or missing something here?" .. Because all everyone else was telling me was how hard it would be and there I was not that worried.

Of course I had my days when I would let fear, anxiety, and my imagination get the best of me and would start to worry about things like:

What if we grow apart?
What if I’m not interesting to him anymore since I don’t know medical stuff?
What if I never see my husband again because he studies all the time?
What if I am miserable?
What if he is miserable?
And if I’m being honest: what if there is some cute smart single girl in his class that happens to think he is cute?

Those are just a few examples of thoughts I had when I thought about what everyone else told me & didn’t acknowledge what I knew to be true. The peace I had was really because the Lord planned this out for us - not because I was naive!

I will say that I don’t think anyone is wrong for warning me or saying all those things to me - things like: "yikes - med school - that’s going to be so hard. I’m so sorry yall have to go through that" "oh my parents were married when my dad was in med school and my mom was miserable" or even the "my only advice is never let your guard down"

WHAT? It’s my husband - pretty sure it is okay to let my guard down with him!

Thankyouverymuch

But I don’t blame them. They don’t know what it feels like to be the one in the situation. They are only trying to help. And its okay to know what other people think or have experienced. Its good to have perspective.

I will say this though.. so far (my 1 month in) it hasn’t been bad at all. My time with Freeland hasn’t changed. I very much feel a part of his med school life. (even though I don’t understand half of the vocabulary he uses now) and I actually really enjoy this season we have entered.

The things that have been an adjustment & hard at times really just have to deal with us moving to an entirely new side of the country.. not with med school. Thats another subject for another time though.

Just wanted share how I felt like all the warnings and fear that other people share with you isn’t always the case. Not that it’s a piece of cake .. but that’s life. More later.