September 8, 2010

Just a little vent...

Hi Ladies,
This week I have been feeling a little sad that I have not been able to make friends like I'd like to. I mentioned before that I attended a "spouses of medical students" meeting. I am back to give a short update. The ladies I met all seem to be very nice. Some have kids. Some don't. Some work. Some don't. However one thing they all have in common is that they live near each other. So since the meeting they have had little get togethers. I was not aware of a couple of them. However, I do not live as close to them as I'd like so I feel like it's been extra difficult to continue being part of that. (I do want to note that I am aware of this only being the beginning and I may need to just give it some time).
My co-workers are really nice too. However, they all live over an hour away and they do not have free time to just "hang out".
So I have been feeling pretty lonely. I stay at work late, come home, feed the dogs, go to the gym, make dinner, grade or enter grades, shower, and then go to bed. I am not a routine person and now that we are in this routine of things it is driving me nuts. I know I need to be patient....I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks again for listening.


Josh and Ashley said...

Kari, have you checked into the CMDA for a wives of med students Bible study? (Christian Medical and Dental Association) That is how I met all of my best friends here. I know it is hard at first, but you are so lucky to have a job. I didn't have one until September and it killed me last year. I sat on the couch with no routine...basically a 6 week pity party. lol Keep your head up ((HUGS))

Mandy, The Mother of All Chaos said...

Thanks for sharing this Kari! I too have felt so lonely...we've lived in our new home for clinical rotations for 4 months now and I only know a couple of people. I haven't found a job yet. So I work out, clean, bake too much, and watch too much tv. Top Chef and Who's The Boss marathons are the highlights of my weeks. I'm super bored and lonely. I've looked for a CMDA or any kind of spouse medical group here and haven't found anything. Makes me want to start one but I don't even know who to link into for contacts.

Moving is so hard. But I KNOW it will get better.

Thanks for letting me vent too =) It's good to hear someone else understands.

Melody said...

I share many of the same feelings you do, Kari...the loneliness, the other med school spouses live close and I live far, the mundane routines that get maddening. You are doing a GREAT job, though, because your boring routine helps your med spouse so so much! (This is what I'm having to tell myself every single day when I get discouraged! :)

Kari said...

Thanks Melody, I tell myself the same thing.

Mandy, it sounds weird to say, but I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this.

Ashley, thank you for reminding me that things could be worse (and they're not bad for me at all right now). I have not looked into CMDA, that is a good idea though.

The other thing I've noticed is that I have absolutely nothing to talk about with the other med students. Did I mention that my husband's only brother and sister-in-law are both med students also? (His brother just graduated from med school this may and his wife is a 3rd year student). So whether we hang out with his friends from school or his family, ALL they talk about is PBL,brachial plexus, surgery, rotation, etc.
So I just sit back and enjoy the chit chat, because that is all I can do. :)

Thanks again ladies for listening. I try to stay positive as much as I can and I use this blog to let go of everything else that I keep in.

Have a great weekend!

Julie said...

I'm assuming if you check out the CMDA, you may be a Christian? Have you found a church community?

The school my husband went to had a great club for spouses/significant others. But, I have to say that once we joined a church community it was so good! We called the church and got involved in a small group right away with other young couples/singles. (Sometimes you have to do the initiating! Don't be afraid, you can do it!) My husband couldn't come to all the events, and I was fine going by myself to them. Not only was church a great place to meet friends. It was also a great place to get away from the medical talk. We actually discussed other occupations and things that happen in life and not just upcoming exams, the latest procedures they learned and anything else medical or med school related. This was not just good for me...Joel liked this aspect as well when he could make it to meetings or activities.

So, if you are a Christian, I would highly suggest finding a church. I know the churches I have been part of have become my family since we live hours away.

Ashli and Anthony said...

Dear Kari,
Oh my dear, I know how you feel!! :) My husband just started as an M1, and I left my amazing career, family and friends back in Boston to start all over again!! There are days and times when I feel frustrated, insecure, needy, and sometimes downright P.O.'d because of how much time my husband spends in school, studying and with his classmates (I recognize that first year isn't even an ounce of how crazy it can get, but oh well!) But I feel WORLDS better now and I'll tell you why!

The best advice I can give you is to communicate how you are feeling to your husband. You are married, he's your best friend! Tell your buddy everything that you feel. He is probably going through some emotions too! This will help the two of you to support EACH OTHER. Just because he's busy with school and has made this big commitment does not mean he can't support YOU too :)

The second thing is, don't worry too much about having something in common with the other wives, or your work colleagues. Best friends happen in their own timing, while you are busy loving your life and doing things that interest YOU. God will surely put the right people in your life at the right moment. Until then, now is the time to nurture yourself and your spirit. Hubs and I are on a tight budget (of course!), but I do things that truly nourish me that cost little to no money, such as going outside and getting fresh air, meditating, going to the library and taking out books on subjects that truly interest me, or going to a pottery studio and making something, or browsing a health food store and checking out new recipes! What types of things interest you? DO THEM!;) Even if you don't feel like it at first, push yourself forward. Also, if you have time, consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, a nursing home, or even giving the harried mom on your street the evening off by watching her children! (hubs and I both have spent many a friday night with the neighbors' kids!) Being of service to others is the shortest pathway to joy- it seems counter-intuitive, but try it, trust me! :)

Another thing- don't feel like you have to just sit back and listen during conversations between your husband and his classmates, or your brother and sister in law. You are VALUABLE and you have MUCH to contribute to conversations. Not being a medical student or a doctor doesn't make your less than anyone. The fact that those around you are discussing subjects and using language you are unfamiliar with means that they are being oblivious and socially awkward by not recognizing that not all present company is a med student! :) Point it out- I'm serious!!! Myself and some of the other wives I've met do it when the boys start to go off about school, and everyone usually laughs and says, "Oh crap! I'm sorry!" Or, ask them to explain or elaborate- some of it can be very fascinating!
You are doing a great job! Don't forget that you deserve a life of joy and happiness RIGHT NOW, and that even though it may take a little more effort, you can set yourself up to love your life and make amazing friends. I am thinking of you girl and sending you love!!
xoxo Ashli