August 24, 2010

Overwhelmed and Anxiety

Hey all! I need advise, support, help, words of encouragement, words of wisdom....anything. I'm feeling really overwhelmed with everything that is going on. My husband started orientation and I went back to work (teaching) this week. Some of the med students have been having or going to parties since last Thursday. I know my husband wants to be there with the crowd to get to know people so we went to one party on Saturday and another get together last night. My drive to work is about 30 minutes, so long story short, I have to wake up at 5am to get to work on time. My husband could go to these event alone, but I admit that I feel this is one of the only times I'll be able to meet the people he'll be hanging out with for the next four years. Needless to say....I'm exhausted.

I'm starting to freak out about work because there isn't a curriculum in place for the subject I am teaching, so I feel a little lost.

Money is really tight because the bank did not send me my debit card (but they did send my husbands) when my husband and I opened our account together and there is absolutely no money in my account.

I can already tell the limited amount of time my husband and I are going to spend together (if any time) and I'm starting to feel a little concerned.

There's a female that is always with my husband and our roommate who rubs me the wrong way. I've tried to talk to her and get to know her but she doesn't show any interest in becoming friends. This bothers me because if she's going to be my husband's friend, I would like for her to be my friend as well. Yet I see no effort from her.

This and the usual laundry, cleaning, and bills is on my mind. When I think about it I start feeling anxious. I remind myself to take it a day at a time, but it would help to maybe hear from those who have gone through this. Maybe you can share what helped you relax and keep calm. Maybe you can say something that'll knock some sense into me. Maybe just jotting this down will make me feel better. Either way...thanks for listening.

12 comments:

Jeff and Lauren said...

Keri,
It sounds like you are doing a great job of trying to support your husband as he makes new friends and balancing everything with your new job too.

As with any transition in life, I am guessing you will settle into routines quickly and find that you and your husband do have time to be together. When my husband was in med school I was teaching as well and it was actually nice to have lesson plans to work on at night because we both sat in our office together and worked. Every night we'd make tea and go up there together after dinner. We took music breaks or would chat about what we were working on occasionally but both of us got our stuff done and we were together. We also started a routine where we would stop working at 9 and go to the gym quick before bed.

I am sure you and your husband will quickly fall into a pattern that will work for you.

And hang in there with school...the beginning is always chaos.

Hang in there! Change is always hard but these are times together that you will hopefully look back on and smile!

The Allen Family said...

Keri,
I also taught the first year of med school and we got into a routine like Lauren suggested. I remember all the parties at the beginning and wanting to get to know all the people. I suggest you go to the events that are convenient for you to make because it did make it nice for me to get to know my husbands friends. My husband loved to study at Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, Tim Horton's or Borders. He had a few friends he always studied with and I just tagged along and got to know everyone. We probably went to these places about 4 nights out of the week, but I really needed to work on school stuff so it made me sit down and get things done. I hate to admit we did this, but alot of times I would recycle a coffee cup from one of these places and make my own latte or tea at home and take it with me so it would look like I bought coffee.....we were SO POOR!! I would also just get water. Our Friday night date each week was to go to get a $6 14 inch sub sandwich from Wegmans and split it and then go study. I loved it and now that we have a little girl and are in residency, I really miss those days!! I got my masters the second and third year we were there so I really needed to study then! Things will settle down soon! I recommend you stay as involved as you can though with his med school, and I can assure you that teaching will keep you busy and keep you from getting too lonely! Good luck!

Kari said...

Thanks ladies...I really appreciate your feedback.

Ams said...

Aw, sweet lady! I can only imagine how you are feeling:(

You are doing a great job so far...
I think that your husband needs to be respectful of the whole "getting to know people" and party business too. I know that S and I didn't go through the first two years of medical school together, but if we were married and the time that we *did* have together was limited I don't think I would want it spent out and about partying you know??

Are there many married couples in your hubbies school?

As for the girl that isn't being exactly friendly... I am a jealous crazy lady - seriously, I have to work on that SO much because obviously they are going to be working with women, and obviously I trust him so there should be nothing to worry about. I think I became more jealous about all these people getting WAY more time with my boyfriend than he could invest in being with me you know? You can let your hubby know that you are uncomfortable with the way she is acting around you, and keep trying with. There will come the time and place that you will be able to deal with that situation down the road.

Try not to get too anxious. I know I know, easier said than done. You're going to be the best you if you take care of you - and that's really important.

Of course you have just started teaching this year too, so give yourself a break - it's all going to come together!! And vent away, that's what blogging land is for!

*Hugs*

the Jennings secede from the South said...

I would try to find some other spouses/girlfriends/fiances of medical students (besides this blog...like, real life)...that is a HUGE help because they are in the same place that you are and can be so validating and encouraging!

Some schools have clubs/organizations for families of med students- does his? If not, ask around about guys in the class that are married or dating someone seriously and try and get to know them! There were a ton of married guys in Adam's class, hopefully the same is true for your hubs.

Mel and Scott said...

Keri,

One thing I've noticed about med students in general is that they are quirky. My husband says a lot of the people he spends time with lack the polish of social graces because they have spent so much time studying to get into med school. Keep trying to be friends with the people and eventually you'll either be comfortable with them or you'll at least know them and know that they aren't your "flavor" of person. That's ok too! My husband has a few classmates that I'd rather claw out my eyes then spend time with. Also I'll check this week and see if my district has a coherent curriculum that you could adapt. You may look on line and see if you can find one. I'll try to do a quick search as well. One thing that saved my sanity when I started teaching, then when I got married, moved and start each school year is Flylady.net. The website helps keep you set up routines and keep them going. There are testimonials that are encouraging as well but don't feel like you have to read everything. I've changed from one type of special ed model to another and because of this plan I'm really not sweating the fact that tomorrow I'll have any number of ladies at my house for Bible study. (Don't ask me how I'll feel at 6:15 tomorrow when they arrive at 6:30 :)) Keep your chin up things will be ok. Does your district have a first year teachers class that you can attend?

Keely said...

Hey Kari,

Everything that has been said in the first 6 comments is so true, so I apologize for being repetitive.

First off, I was really worried about getting to know my husband's friends from the get-go too, but I've found (for me) that it was easier to let him build a little bit of a foundation with some friends first, then bring me into the picture.

Also, I totally know how you feel about being dragged out at night and having to get up at dawn. Don't push yourself too hard, medical students live a very different life than the rest of us. Not saying they don't work hard, but they usually can trade early mornings for late nights. Those of us who have to commute and be to work on time don't have that option.

You won't be a bad wife if you skip out on a few get togethers. You have your own life to build, too.

The best friends I have made have been other wives of med students. Even though I've met other students, it is usually pretty awkward and it's not like I could call them to hang out while my husband is studying since they would be too. My friends up here have provided a lot of relief and reassurance, so other spouses are probably your best bet.

Btw- the girl that is with your husband a lot, don't worry about it. I can't believe that just came out of my mouth because I can be a jealous girl,but I'm sure she is just trying to make friends with other students. Almost every girl I've met from my husband's school has been incredibly uninterested in talking to me or getting to know me. (annoying, but typical)

I'm sorry for rambling, I just want you to know that you guys will get settled in and everything will be fine, just don't forget to take care of yourself and your needs (like sleep). The stress of it all isn't any easier when you are exhausted.

Julie said...

I've followed the blog for a while now, but haven't posted anything. You can add me to the list. My name is Julie and my husband Joel is a fourth year. Wow I can't believe it! My email is phillips.jb@gmail.com

I just wanted to say that I agreed with all the comments made. You will find a routine that works for you and it will get better. The school my husband went to had an amazing spouse/significant other group, so I met many people that way. It worked out really well for us, Because my husband was friends with the students and I was friends with their spouses. So we often (well okay maybe not often), but we had couple friends that we could do game nights or dinners with.

Also, I am not sure if you are religious or not, but churches or other community groups are great places to meet people outside of the medical world. (Or through your new school/work.) I really appreciated hanging out with church friends, because not all the talk was about school. My husband would say the same thing. It was so nice to leave school behind for an evening here and there.

I have to give my husband a lot of credit for knowing how to balance school and family time. (We had our first baby right at the beginning of third year.) It takes everyone a different amount of time to know how to balance the two and it looks different for each family/couple. But, the balance will come if you make sure to work on it together.

evaliern said...

Try finding out if there is a "married group". This is where I met a lot of the spouses! Ours is called JMA. Its a national thing so try asking about it and see if the school supports it.

Mel said...

I just found this blog, and think it is awesome! I wanna join! My name is Mel and my husband just started med school (so I'm trying to get to know his friends and their wives too!).
My email is medschool.wife@yahoo.com. I really look forward to reading more of this blog....it's like reading out of my own journal!

Kari said...

Thanks everyone! The get togethers have slowly come to a halt. Well they're not on weekdays anymore. I'm still working on the "getting sleep" part. It's funny because during dinner today my husband said he was going to pull an "all-nighter" and then said well not all night but until 12am or 1am. I laughed. I laughed hard. It was a little mean of me, but I was in shock that he thought that was late. When I try to go to bed at that time he would make fun of me for going to bed "early". Now for once he is having to balance studying, working out, and life and he gets to feel what I've been going through all along. Any how, I just wanted to let you all know that I am thankful for your advice. I did go to a spouse's meeting on Sunday. It was okay. I'll keep you posted on how that goes. Take care and have a great week!

Steph D said...

Glad things seem to be getting a little more manageable for you, Kari. I agree with all the other things said as well, and would also add something that I've been learning this week dealing with some of the same issues. Specifically, to make sure that you COMMUNICATE often and well with your spouse. I don't mean to try to bombard him with your every thought at the most awkward times (like when you both first see each other at the end of the work/school day), but rather to NOT try bundle it all away from him. You are a team and you need to help each other through the tough times.

I've been learning this myself this week as my hubby is an MS1 at USC, so we just moved to Los Angeles away from family, with our nearly 2-year-old and I'm also 35 weeks prego. So, minus your job stuff (since I'm able to be at home right now) and add in the tiredness from being at the very end of pregnancy, I can definitely relate. I'll be praying for you and your "team!"

PS my email is steph591 *at* yahoo so I can be added as an author - thanks!