August 6, 2010

I have to ask...

How do you ladies have babies while your hubbies are in school?

Like, how does it work time-wise? How do you afford it? How tough is it?

My husband starts school next week, first year med. We both want a family but want to get settled in first. Any advice and insights would be MOST appreciated!!!!!

P.S. SO much respect for you!!!!

13 comments:

Jeff and Lauren said...

First of all, Congrats on starting the med school journey! There were tough times but I really enjoyed that time in our lives and where God placed us. Best wishes to your husband!

I don't want to do overkill on the baby thing because I have posted comments about it before but I am SOOO glad that I had my first baby while we were in med school. I worked as a teacher for the first three years and we tried to live off of my salary and save up med school living loans and use them for backup if needed. Our son was born in January of the 4th year and it was SUCH good timing for our family. Residency so far has been a much more demanding schedule and for us, it worked out best to adjust to a new baby during the less crazy med school times. (I know we only had 6 months together before med school finished but rotations gave my husband a lot of time to spend with us and because I wasn't working, we could travel with him on away rotations or interviews.)

I had many med school friends who had children earlier in the 4 year period and stayed home with them as well. They too feel like they are so glad they didn't wait too long because now that they are residents, the schedule is less flexible.

Again, you have to decide what works for you!

As far as financially, we were able to live that last year off my teaching savings and didn't have to take out extra loans but we could have lived on living loans if we had to. We were just intentional about saving early on and I'm glad we were! I think if you have them earlier you would have to do a more serious assessment of your savings and money situation and decide whether it is your goal to stay home or whether you want to continue working and use child care of some kind. I know there are a couple of girls who are making that work so maybe they have some good tips! The finance thing can be tricky!

Hopefully there are others who can give you a bit of a different perspective on things and give you some tips. Whatever you decide though, you will make it work for your family - whether that is med school, residency or beyond! All is doable.

Best wishes! God bless.

Derricca said...

I will have to post more on this later, but hubby is in 3rd year. We have an almost 4yr old, and one due in October.I have heard someone say that medical school is the best time o have babies, verses residency. Even in the third year, it seems a bit busier. Either way, I think you just make it work! WE have done just fine. :) I am currently just working part time as a nurse in the NICU, but many mammas stay home too!

Katie said...

I'll let you know how we do it in three short months! HA! My husband is in the start of his second year and our baby is due November 26. It wasn't exactly planned this way, but we're thinking it's going to turn out pretty nice in the end. We looked at his schedule and he only has one test between the two weeks before and two weeks after she's due (in case she comes early or late). Then, he has two weeks off for winter break where we'll go home to our family. Starting in January, he'll only have classes two days a week. Although he'll still be consumed with studying for the first part of boards, at least he can move his studying schedule around to make it to peds appointments and what not.
I've definitely heard from many women that there's no "right" time, but I have also heard that during med school is easier.
Hope this helps?

The Allen Family said...

I agree that there never is a "perfect" time to have kids. We are about to start our second year of ER residency in Texas and we had our daughter in August of my husband's fourth year. She was a complete surprise because we had planned on starting a family during the end of residency when my husband could moonlight and I could stay home.
Even though this was not our plan, it all has worked out very well and tonight while my hubby was working, I was very glad to have my sweet little almost 2 year old to eat with and paint our fingernails together!
The hardest thing has been that my husband has always been very concerned about having money for things and even though we were able to save during school (if I had known then what I know now we would have taken out all the loans given to us instead of only taking out school loans and living on my salary), I still have continued to teach the past two years. This will be my last year to teach and then I can retire. Some people do not want to be stay at home moms, but I still have a hard time leaving my daughter so that has been our hardest thing. My suggestion is to talk about those things before hand (work/not work, where the money will come from, should you take out more loans, etc.) just so you are both on the same page! Good luck! Med school was wonderful for us and it really brought us closer together!!! We were married 4 years before we had Addy and I am so glad we had that time together!!

Ashli and Anthony said...

Girls,
Thank you SO much for your fabulous posts. I appreciate your insights and your support so, so much!!!!! Let's keep each other posted along our family journey!! I will let you know when baby #1 is coming!!! :) I hadn't considered that residency would be more difficult time wise and that is such a good point because it makes sense!!!!! :) Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
<3 Ashli

Steph D said...

Hi there! My daughter (20 months) and I are both med school tagalongs with my hubby who will start as an MS1 at USC tomorrow for orientation. We're also expecting a son in 2 more months. We'll let you know how it goes, but as always, we have to trust in God's perfect timing and complete provision. I know it will be tough, but I am thankful to the Lord that we got pregnant when we did (it wasn't easy initially). We also took a non-traditional route, so we're both 30 this year. Just remember, that no matter our plans, we really not the ones in charge... but fortunately, we know who is.

P.S. I've been following for the past year or so, and I'd love to be added as an author, if possible!

the Jennings secede from the South said...

Steph- what's your email address? Let me know and I'll add you on!

Mrs T #3 said...

Congrats on starting med school!
My husband is MSIV and I am due with our first baby in 1 week, so while I don't know how the balance will work out in practice I can tell you our theory!
We knew there would never be a good time, and since my husband is hoping to go into Ortho, we knew we didn't want to wait until residency was over to start our family. MSIV has a strange amount of free time, to be used for studying for Step 2, research, interviewing, etc. So it seemed like the perfect time. We didn't end up getting pregnant as quickly as we had hoped, so the timing of an August baby is a bit challenging as my husband will be headed to two away rotations for Ortho, the first being 1 month after our son arrives. But we will make it work!
As far as finances go, again not sure about how a baby will impact things, but I have worked throughout med school and will continue to do so after I return from maternity leave. I would love to stay home, but I know me working will allow us to be in a better financial situation once the loans come due.
My only advice is that med school is a give a taken, some years being harder than others. I personally thought MS II was the most difficult and stressful of the four years as far as time commitments and trying to plan a life around med school. Just get through one year at a time!
Good luck to you both! And thanks for posing the question - the timing was perfect for me to hear what others are saying too!

Brooke & Freeland said...

Ive loved reading everyone's comments! We thought we would always wait to have a baby but ended up getting prego and having our first son at the end of his second year. It felt a little stressful because it was right before his boards but in the end we feel like the timing was perfect.

Currently I work and thats how we are able to financially do it. However we are trying to save up as much money as we can because working hasnt been easy and I'd like to know its an option to stay home sooner than later. Were trying to work all that out right now so I dont have the best advice but I'll keep you posted if we come up with anything.

Amanda E. said...

My husband is currently a fourth year med student graduating in May of 2011. We had our first baby (Cole) in July of 2009, at the very beginning of DH's third year. Although he was already in rotations, I liked that he wasn't in the classroom anymore. When he is home, he is actually home and not so worried about studying 24/7. We hope to have our second at the very end of his 4th year, prior to residency, but who knows what will happen! He has all of May off for vacation, so it would be ideal as most likely his residency will not begin until July 1st. I think having a newborn during his intern year will be difficult, but we want a 2 year spacing, so we'll make do ;-)

Amanda E. said...

I'm such a nerd---I forgot to mention the financial situation! I stopped working once Cole was born (I previously worked for a non-profit, so they pay was NOT good). We are currently living on loans and have an awesome family to help out :-D

KelsBels said...

I can't tell you how excited I am to find this blog! Just reading all of your posts and comments, it is so reassuring to know I am not alone! My husband is about 3 rotations into MS3 and we are really struggling on the decision of when to start a family. Everyone says 4th year is the best time since there is so much down time but I don't want my husband to miss out on all of the fun dad stuff while he is a resident. I'm just not sure either of us wants to wait until he is out of residency...that's a long time!

Can anyone give me some insight of what residency will be like? He is looking at Family, Medicine, or Peds but has not made a decision yet.

Thanks!

Jordan and Loni Carr said...

I think this blog is an excellent idea and source of info. I would love to be added. I have two little boys and my hubby is going to start med school next year. He just got accepted. HURRAY....I think? So my question is: is it weird to have your husband spend more time with other females in his class that with you? Can you avoid it? And maybe I am just paranoid but how did you guys handle him doing the breast and pelvic exams, his medical school apparently has the students practice on EACH OTHER! I am not really comfortable with that, i dont mind strangers but not the girl you study with....I don't know anyone have advice to help me stop being paranoid or how to get over it?

My email: lperwannabe@msn.com and thats a lower case L

My name is Loni Carr by the way and thanks a ton, hope to hear from someone.