May 21, 2009

Together again

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well! So I posted way back -- I'm the one that has been separated from her med school hubby for such a long time... well I'm happy to say we are finally living together again in NY. It has been a crazy past couple of months. He was able to get all of his rotations lined up in NY so we can stay here a few years, and he moved out here about 2 months ago. I stayed at my accounting firm until the end of busy season, and made the move just a few days ago. The first day I was here I got really lucky and landed a job.

Josh is in his ICU rotation now, so that means he's hardly home. It's now really hard on me because I thought living with him I would actually get to "live with him"... but I'm finding that's not the case. I know once this rotation is over it will get better, but because I just moved here and don't have any friends here yet, I find it incredibly difficult. Plus it doesn't help that Josh rarely talks to me about his days... is that something I should be concerned about? I don't know if it's just because our communication was lacking while we were separated, and I hope it will get better over time and living together again, or if it's just a part of his personality that will never change. I also find it really challenging to not be offended by his crabbiness at times, and find myself snapping at him or getting upset. Are there any other wives out there that are super sensitive like me? How do you put your emotions aside and just be there to support your hubby?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i don't think you're being super sensitive.. but i think it's our greatest challenge as "med school tag alongs" to find a balance between dying to ourselves and being true to our marriage. One extreme will lead to bitterness and the other leads to superficiality. i guess it's a lifelong process finding that needed balance...

Sharyl said...

He could be exhausted and not realize that the emotional intimacy is frayed lately. Try saying something like "hey, have you seen any interesting cases this week?" at a time when he hasnt just dragged himself through the door. Has he always been hard to talk to? I know my husband has a hard time volunteering information about his day--I usually have to coax it out of him. Or maybe he thinks you wouldnt be interested in what he's seeing. If its important to you, use your well-honed wife skills to tap into your man and let him know its important to you :).

Brooke & Freeland said...

I think thats great advice Sharyl! Jamie .. I will be praying that things only get easier from here. I wonder if there are any other wives there who have husbands doing rotations? Where in NY are you? Im not sure that I have the best advice for you but I will tell you that I gaurantee you arent alone.

There are days Freeland is "crabby" and he's not even sure why himself. And a while ago I realized that he wasnt telling me as much about class and he said it was because he felt like I didnt really care. (even though I do but it is a challenge when I dont understand half of what he is saying! :) So now I try to SHOW interest instead of just listening. Not that Im great at it but ..

Let us know how things are going and how you feel like they are once his rotation changes too! Hopefully yall can get out and enjoy NY together soon! Im glad you are at least back together and thats wonderful you were able to find a job so quickly!!! Keep us posted

Sharyl said...

Hey Jaime, I wanted to leave an addendum to my comment. I asked my husband what he would want me to say in the same situation and he said something along the lines of "hey honey, do you want to talk about your day? If not, its ok, but I want you to know you can talk to me if you want." (Sensitive, huh? He can turn it on when he needs to, lol). Anyway, I dont know if it helps but thats coming straight from the Y chromosomes....