January 17, 2012

I Survived!

Hi! So I was one of the first few girls to start this blog and I have to be honest and say that I have been really bad at keeping up, etc. Tonight I read some of the posts and now that we are in our last year of my husbands EM residency and he has a job lined up for July, it seems really strange that this whole adventure is almost over. We went to med school 24 hours away from all our family so I knew no one and was a bit of a hermit our first year. I tried to be supportive, but it was so hard sometimes because I was really lonely. I remember not wanting my husband to see me crying so I would drive around and listen to sappy music and just cry! The hardest was calling home when everyone was together. I spent our first year there feeling very sorry for myself and counting down how many days I had until I went home, or we had visitors. Of course there were a lot of fun times too, but I remember that year being very stressful. I know my husband felt very guilty about this because we had always lived close to family so I tried to act like I was okay. One day a friend told me i needed to stop wishing away my life and I realized how true that was. I was a teacher so I started making friends with people at school and we started a girls group of med school wives (the creators of this blog) and it helped tremendously. I also started my masters, which was so fun because we studied together all the time. Of course we were so poor that I had to take my own coffee in a Starbucks cup so it would look like I bought something and we found a great place that had wonderful sub sandwiches for 7 bucks that we could split. The studying became our date nights and we spent a lot of that time at Barnes and Noble and I would just look at magazines some nights. We still laugh because those were some of the best years of our lives. We learned alot then and I had no idea how easy I had it. We didn't have kids, so I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. I wish I had taken more advantage of the freedom now that we have two kids! I got pregnant, which was totally not planned, during my husbands third year and had our daughter the evening he had taken his step 2 or 3...I can't remember. She was 3 weeks early! That was stressful because I wanted him to be into the pregnancy and he was, but he also had that hanging over him. I had to go back to work and my inlaws moved in with us in a three bedroom mobile home so they could keep the baby (talk about making yourself go crazy) so that was incredibly hard, but I survived and it has made me appreciate staying home with my kids now. I really try to be as supportive as I can and talk about everything with him. We put our kids to bed early so we have time every night (of course when he is off) to talk. I am president of our resident wives group, we hang out with other resident couples and it really makes it easier to make it through these hard times. My mom told me to always make him want to come home and don't be the nagging wife who always complains and basically makes him turn away from me. So when he is home I try to respect his need to study and take the kids out, but I also plan fun things we can do as a family and our daughter loves it. I also tell him all the time how much I appreciate how hard he works. Yes, I did go through a really hard few years and I did have to suck it up and be tough, but now we are very comfortable financially, he has an awesome job only working 15 shifts a month and making a great salary, we are moving close to family and we have been blessed with two wonderful children. My husband and I both have respect for each other because we both know how hard we have worked to get here. There has been a lot of sacrifices made, but I promise that eventually it is all so worth it and you will look back and have wonderful memories of medical school and residency. I am sad to leave this stage, but very excited for the next big move! Hang in there, you will survive!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

11 comments:

Katrina @ Pics, Pages & Purls said...

This is a great post! I especially love the part about not being the nagging wife and being the wife he wants to come home to.

Charlene said...

Thank you..I love this! Good reminders for our point in the journey. I actually just wrote a blog post last night about news I didn't love but am learning to accept things!

http://www.becomingthebarrs.com/2012/01/one-that-was-supposed-to-be-different.html

Ashley + Christian said...

Ahhh! This was so awesome! We talk about how things we change someday and how much different things will be but it seems soooo far away. When we moved a few cities away to start med school we had been together for five and a half years and almost two years later we have grown so much together and as individuals.

So many people told me not to go back to school while he was in school and even though it has it's stressful moments, we've been able to study together and spend extra time with each other. Plus, I'll finish a little before him and we're really looking forward to BOTH being done!

Now we're approaching Step 1, clinical years, residency applications, and it's such a nice reminder not only that it's all worth it in the end, but that we'll actually miss these crazy, exciting, stressful years of medical school.

the Jennings secede from the South said...

Yes, Sarah! One of the original pioneers!

Jeff and Lauren said...

Ah, Sarah...I often think of you saying that comment about not wanting to be a nagging wife and wanting home to be a place he looks forward to coming to when I'm at my breaking point. :) Such good advice and it still pops into my head! Now it is more like, I need to make sure the kids have clean faces, pants on and the house is not a total disaster when he gets home! Wish we were still close enough to hang out!!

My husband just signed up for his licensing test after 3 years of residency and he has started the studying process again. As Sarah mentioned, my husband and I used to "study" or work together in the office. We're trying that method again after the kids go to bed. It seems to help him if I'm up there working too and not down lounging with the TV. Plus it gives me time to read or do crafts and we feel like we have some together time.

I will say that I am VERY thankful he hasn't found any audio lectures for this test prep yet. We had many long car rides (visiting family) where we listened to 5+ hours of medical lectures! That was a bit rough. (Not sure my kids would tolerate it either.)

MrsOgg said...

This is so encouraging, Sarah. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. I especially enjoyed the stories about going to B&N with your fake Starbucks. Though I wasn't a student we used to do the same thing and I had kind of forgot about those times. It's amazing how quickly kids take over your life. Anyways, I am super happy for you and your nest exciting steps. I know you've worked so hard and deserve all the blessings that will come your way! (and thank you for starting Girls Group...we got together tonight and I was just thinking how blessed I am by the support of these women).

Bethany said...

Oh sweet Sarah how I miss you and your sweet spirit. Thank you so much for encouraging us and congrats and almost being done!

Kelly Jo said...

Hey! Another resident wife here (my hubby is a surgery intern.) Anyway, I love reading posts like this and knowing that others go through the same thing. My resident wife friends and I always talk about how unless you are in our shoes, you can't really understand what it is like to be a doctor's wife. Anyway, I'm so excited to follow your blog and soak up your wisdom!!!

Thanks again for sharing!

Holly said...

Thanks for the survival post! I'm married to a medical student and I am glad there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that others have found it.

mrs.doctor.rose said...

I'd be really interested in joining this blog to write in the near future. I'm getting married in June and my soon-to-be husband will start his medical school journey in August. We get precious little time to be true newlyweds, and very soon after our wedding and honeymoon we embark on a move to a brand new city, which absolutely terrifies me!! I'm searching for a place that I can find like-minded wives who have gone through or are going through similar situations. His career is taking off in a direction I can't follow...but I'm going to try my hardest to keep up!

Sadie said...

Can I join this blog (my email is ssterner9386@gmail.com)? My husband is an M3 (and we're long distance since he started med school) and when things start getting rough I often come to the blog and leave inspired with a more positive attitude and in awe of you wonderful women that can weather the storm of med school and still come out shining...you all give me resolve that I too can make it through even when I don't necesarily beleive in myself and for that I thank all of you who post on this blog.