June 27, 2010

Growing pains...

It has been an intense and emotionally difficult week for us. We've fought over the smallest things that seem so miniscule in scale, but we've managed to make it grandeur. We've also fought about the most important things in life that make me contemplate and question, "how in the world do we make this better"? He said something today that made me pause...he feels that I resent him. He says its the way I've acted since I've moved up here with him. According to him I have been "edgey", and "defensive". He would like for me to stop worrying and just relax. Things I worry about: our finances, finding a job up here, and his studies. We now have a mortgage to pay! I am having a difficult time finding a job up here so because we have a mortgage I may have to move back 500 miles south where I already have a job, just so we can pay for this home that he'll be in. Last, this past week he decided to try studying with a group. The group consists of 3. Him, our roommate, and a girl who is always with them during school. He got one score back and it wasn't that great. I've noticed that they spend their time laughing, coming up with new jokes, and talking about others in the program. I've been with my fiance for 3 years. I know he needs complete silence and has to concentrate in order to study well.
So relax and don't worry....believe me....I wish I could!!!


the Jennings secede from the South said...

Oh, Kari. That stinks! In my girls' group, we've talked about our husbands' studying habits and how to encourage them to study better when we see them being unproductive (i.e. watching videos on Youtube or reading sports blogs or something instead of focusing). Bottom line: It's hard to discuss without hurting his pride or making him a little bristly. Especially during first year...he may have to just figure it out.

Adam and I went on walks during 1st and 2nd year when I'd get off work and talk about life, etc. A lot of times, a few questions (i.e. "What subject is hardest to study right now" or "Is it hard to focus while you're studying?" or "Do you study better at home or at school?" or whatever) can open him up to talk about and assess his studying. If he is able to evaluate and talk to you about it instead of you pointing out his studying flaws, things will probably be a lot smoother.

Also, keep in mind. He just began school- he's learning how he studies best and if he doesn't reap benefits from group studying, he's likely to move on.

Lastly, never underestimate the benefit of POSTIIVE reinforcement. "I am so proud of you and how hard you're studying!" goes a long way and they really need to hear it.

Kari said...

THANK YOU! I like your walk idea. We live right in front of a walking trail. I take the dogs for a walk everyday there. I'll definitely ask if he'd like to join me.
Most importantly...the reminder of positive reinforcement. I find myself caught up with how I am feeling. I seem to over analyze any statement or move he makes. When ever I come to this blog, I am reminded of how stressful things are for him. Thank you for your help. There's definitely a lot to learn being a 1st year med school wife. I'm so glad I joined this group! You have saved my sanity!