Those Months I Dreaded

***This post was originally on my personal blog, but I felt the need to share it here today.***

Before Derek left for his audition rotations, I could barely utter the phrase "clerkship". I hated the thought of not being able to see Derek everyday. Even though his schedule is hectic and crazy, we always had mornings and late nights together, no matter the time. If he had to be up at 4:00 am, I was up at 4:00 am with him; making him breakfast, reading scriptures, and seeing him off for his day. If he got home after midnight from a late surgery, I waited up for him. Even if all I did was re-heat leftovers, pour a bowl of cereal, or climb right into bed with him, it was still time. 

Flash forward to today. The audition rotations are over & we made it. We managed 6 full weeks apart (plus smaller increments of 2-4 in between) which doesn't seem that long, but it was challenging in it's own way. Sometimes it was the time difference. Other times it was extreme exhaustion. It was that time I was crying my eyes out because someone broke into our car, busted the window, and stole Derek's backpack. Then, these little things seemed like the most horrible things in the world. Today, we look back and laugh. We did something hard, but it made us stronger. 

Stronger in the fact that we appreciate each other a little more. In the fact that after the long time apart, we still found the time for the things that were important in our relationship and life. Those things that we took for granite before like a date night or a trip to the temple. 

We realized that we can do hard things together and I know now that I don't have to be afraid. 

Clerkship Letter Bundle

Hi all you strong med wives! Hope school or rotations are underway for all of you and you're finding time to spend with your sweeties! My husband has his first of four clerkships this month, he is actually heading to his second tomorrow, which means we are not together right now. As hard it it seems, it hasn't been bad at all. He is clocking 18-20 hour days, and barely having time to sleep with journal club, presentations, and too many surgeries to count. I'm here to share with you an idea for when your sweetie goes off on any/all clerkships. 

1. Find cute stationary

2. Decide what would be best for your sweetie & title each letter. Remember there will be good days & bad days. Here are some examples below:

{for when you rock a surgery, for when you're missing me, for when you need a hug/snuggle, for (insert holiday here), for your long drive, for when you need to laugh} 

3. Write thoughtful & positive words. Use your own language and semantics so it feels personal.

4. Add treats, photos, cd's, or anything you believe will be of use.

5. Bundle them all up and give them before they leave to travel. 

It's as simple as that. It was every sweeter when I gave them to him the night before his first clerkship in Washington D.C. I would be leaving the next day and it was just a quiet moment that we could share together.

On a happier note, I am flying to Denver (his second rotation location) in a week and couldn't be more excited to get some time in with my man! 

As always, feel free to check out, read, or follow our blog. We love visitors! 

www.head2toesmith.blogspot.com 

Marriage is work

Hi there! My name is Stephanie, and here's a post about me/us that I posted a while back.

The new school year is already underway. My husband, Andy (MS3), is currently on his OB/GYN clerkship. He is enjoying getting so much patient interaction, as well as the opportunity to learn directly from the residents and doctors by doing instead of just reading/watching. He's already caught a baby and been apart of a C-section!

Anyway, last spring he began studying for Step 1 in March. It was a really intense time. Since USC is actually pass/fail for the first two years, this was the first test that really mattered in terms of a score, and  it REALLY mattered as you all know. He wants to get into orthopedics, so it is pretty competitive as well. It was a lot of pressure on him, and a drain on me to have him around, but unable to help out with the kids/home much since he was so busy with studying all the time (we have 2 toddlers, plus 1 on the way in Jan!).

From our experience during that crazy Step 1 prep time, I would say communication is paramount, but sometimes you just can't make your spouse communicate, as it were. Kind of obvious, right? Communication is key in marriage. But it is even more so as you begin such an intense period, where emotions for both of you can run high and you can begin drift apart just due to the circumstances, working so hard at your separate "jobs." It was also kind of a grieving period for me, in terms of realizing that this was the end of the strictly academic part of school (which is more flexible), meaning that he would always answer to someone else's schedule from here on out and actually be even busier than in school. Also, expectations are huge. If I expected that he was going to be home for dinner, or pictured our weekend in any way, but either didn't discuss it with him specifically, I was inevitably setting myself up for huge disappointment. But of course, even if you communicate your expectations, it doesn't mean that they'll be met.

At the same time in March, I had a girlfriend (not in medical school or tag-along) and fellow Christian that was going through the devastating near end of her marriage. I asked her if she had seen the movie, "Fireproof." She hadn't, but when I asked her if she'd be interested in doing the book "The Love Dare" from the movie at the same time as me, she said she didn't think she could get her husband to do it. But I told her that this book is just a one-sided thing. You just get to work on your marriage, not on "changing" the other person. She agreed, and two other wives (one a fellow tag-along) also joined us.

When you think of "what is the point of marriage," what do you think of? If you feel that it has primarily to do with making each other happy, then you are more than likely setting yourself up for failure. But probably some of you know that is empty, but what hope do we have for enjoying our marriages then? If our marriages are to glorify God, which in turn brings us joy, then we have hope that is bigger than us in a joyful, wonderful-not-just-ok, lasting marriage. To that end, what are you personally doing to work on your marriage? Last spring, my friends and I did The Love Dare," and it was such a blessing to both Andy and I. I was keeping it a secret (which you don't necessarily have to do), but I eventually thought that he knew and that he must be doing The Love Dare at the same time as well! Of course, it doesn't always work out that we see immediate benefits of our hard work in marriage, but is a perk when it does and it is not as uncommon as you might think!

I've wished before that we had money (and time!) to go to marriage counseling, not because we're on the brink or really unhappy, but so that we don't get there ever. Of course, we don't have the resources right now. I could definitely ask, what is my spouse doing to work on our marriage, but in reality, I don't have any control over that! What I (and you) do have control over is my (and your) attitude and actions.

By the way, my friend and her husband are going to make it in their marriage, praise God! By nothing short of a miracle, they are on the long road to recovery and are working toward a great marriage. Also, my fellow tag-along and I are going to start The Love Dare again. It is the kind of book that you could just cycle through repeatedly, especially in during these "special times" that we are in. (Also, she and I are going to re-read together the awesome book Prescription for the Doctor's Wife again, which I posted briefly about here.)

So, what are you doing to work on your marriage? I don't think this type of book is the only way to work on your marriage, but I hope you are encouraged to try something specific/different/sacrificial to  improve your marriage, knowing that you are always either growing together, or growing apart.

Disclaimer: The Love Dare is written from a Christian perspective. It could be done by anyone, but it does presume that your perspective in marriage is one that your marriage is not just about you and your partner, rather founded on God. 

New Girl

Hi Fellow Med Wives! So glad to be here. Kinda nervous, but what new kid isn't. Before I write my little fingers to the bone with ALL the questions I have, here is a little about us! 

My husband Derek is a 4th year podiatry student (PMIV) currently in his CORE rotation block here in Michigan. We made the 2,000 mile journey by moving truck from where the school was located in Phoenix, Arizona. (Midwestern University) So far, we are LOVING it  here! 

I am a certified elementary school teacher & finished off the year with my kiddos to enjoy a year free from school & work. I know, sounds like a dream! I needed it! I also write & maintain our blog. Feel free to check it out here. We're here for the next 3 months before Derek leaves & starts his clerkship's from coast to coast-literally. 

So here's where I want advice & help! All you long distance wives- how do you do it?! I'm going to be living with my parents in San Diego during those months & will visit Derek briefly at each location. 

1. How do you support your spouse long distance?

2. How do you stay busy & active?

3. How should I act on the phone/video chats we will have?

4. How the heck will I stay sane.

I will take any & all advice! I literally read this blog from start to finish and had tears in my eyes from over half of the posts....hormones, guys.