Med School Tagalongs

I Survived!

2012-01-17T21:33:00.001-08:00

Hi! So I was one of the first few girls to start this blog and I have to be honest and say that I have been really bad at keeping up, etc. Tonight I read some of the posts and now that we are in our last year of my husbands EM residency and he has a job lined up for July, it seems really strange that this whole adventure is almost over. We went to med school 24 hours away from all our family so I knew no one and was a bit of a hermit our first year. I tried to be supportive, but it was so hard sometimes because I was really lonely. I remember not wanting my husband to see me crying so I would drive around and listen to sappy music and just cry! The hardest was calling home when everyone was together. I spent our first year there feeling very sorry for myself and counting down how many days I had until I went home, or we had visitors. Of course there were a lot of fun times too, but I remember that year being very stressful. I know my husband felt very guilty about this because we had always lived close to family so I tried to act like I was okay. One day a friend told me i needed to stop wishing away my life and I realized how true that was. I was a teacher so I started making friends with people at school and we started a girls group of med school wives (the creators of this blog) and it helped tremendously. I also started my masters, which was so fun because we studied together all the time. Of course we were so poor that I had to take my own coffee in a Starbucks cup so it would look like I bought something and we found a great place that had wonderful sub sandwiches for 7 bucks that we could split. The studying became our date nights and we spent a lot of that time at Barnes and Noble and I would just look at magazines some nights. We still laugh because those were some of the best years of our lives. We learned alot then and I had no idea how easy I had it. We didn't have kids, so I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. I wish I had taken more advantage of the freedom now that we have two kids! I got pregnant, which was totally not planned, during my husbands third year and had our daughter the evening he had taken his step 2 or 3...I can't remember. She was 3 weeks early! That was stressful because I wanted him to be into the pregnancy and he was, but he also had that hanging over him. I had to go back to work and my inlaws moved in with us in a three bedroom mobile home so they could keep the baby (talk about making yourself go crazy) so that was incredibly hard, but I survived and it has made me appreciate staying home with my kids now. I really try to be as supportive as I can and talk about everything with him. We put our kids to bed early so we have time every night (of course when he is off) to talk. I am president of our resident wives group, we hang out with other resident couples and it really makes it easier to make it through these hard times. My mom told me to always make him want to come home and don't be the nagging wife who always complains and basically makes him turn away from me. So when he is home I try to respect his need to study and take the kids out, but I also plan fun things we can do as a family and our daughter loves it. I also tell him all the time how much I appreciate how hard he works. Yes, I did go through a really hard few years and I did have to suck it up and be tough, but now we are very comfortable financially, he has an awesome job only working 15 shifts a month and making a great salary, we are moving close to family and we have been blessed with two wonderful children. My husband and I both have respect for each other because we both know how hard we have worked to get here. There has been a lot of sacrifices made, but I promise that eventually it is all so worth it and you will look back and have wonderful memories of medical school and residency. I am sad to leave this stage, but very excited for the next big move! Hang in there, you will survive!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Cheerleading 101.

2012-01-16T09:45:00.000-08:00

I always feel a lot more behind in this process than most of you (way to go, residency wives!) and I am always extremely grateful for your wisdom and glimpse into the future. My husband is officially registered for his Step 1 test date and is starting to get a little nutty about it. He's scheduled for June 7th and has a really solid plan laid out for his studies. He's been reviewing First Aid case studies once a week with a group of friends for about four or five months now and I know he's working really hard to stay on top of everything.

I looked back in the tags, but couldn't find a specific post, so my question is this: what was your role in Step 1 prep? I want to help him to be as successful as possible and I know that requires a crazy time commitment from him (especially in the 6-8 weeks before the exam) and emotional support, but was there anything specific you did (or have heard about) that your doc thought was really helpful? Or was there something you did (or would do differently) to maintain your personal sanity? Right now I'm in reassurance mode, constantly reminding him he's ahead of the game, he's working hard, everything will be fine, etc.

Thank you, as always, for the advice.

LIFE is hard, but that's okay

2011-12-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

today i want to talk about something that's been weighing on my mind lately. in some of the other med wives blogs/forums there's been a downward trend where we've been hearing a lot from dissatisfied wives. the talk has taken kind of a negative turn lately as different people have gone through rough patches in their marriages/relationships. in fact, i posted on A Resident's Wife a while ago about the struggles that orthoman and i have been working to overcome in our marriage. there have been several girls who have posted here and there about going to counseling because they want "out". they can't take this life anymore and it's too much for them.

and once that started spreading around, more people expressed their unhappiness. which is fine - im not judging anyone for that AT ALL. like i just said, i wrote about how even i have been in that boat. but now we have a problem. some of the girls have gotten really scared. they've backed out of the group or receded into the shadows, silently reading the posts and becoming more and more terrified of "residency" and "medicine". so, ive decided to address this issue today. so let's put on our big girl panties and talk, okay? if you have questions you want to ask me, post them and i'll respond. want to go offline? click on my profile and email me.

ladies, repeat after me: life is hard. marriage is hard. medicine has some unique quirks, but so does everything else.

phew! im glad we got that out of the way. i think sometimes it's really easy to get wrapped up in medicine and blame this lifestyle for the majority of our problems. i know im guilty of it, are you? my dad is not a doctor. he did one, maybe 2 semesters worth of college combined. he has a construction company and is a good man. he is a hard working man who put in 80, 90 hour work weeks for years to put food on the table. my parents are still married, but they absolutely had struggles. i have 2 girl friends right now who are going through some pretty bad marriage problems. one is separated and the other is now filing for divorce. the first is married to an engineer, the second to an accountant. MARRIAGE TROUBLES HAPPEN TO EVERYONE. no one is immune and it's not medicine's fault. is medicine a jealous mistress? absolutely. is it to blame for every little thing? definitely not.

knowing my DrH the way i do, i now realize that the struggles we've worked through have more to do with who HE is and who I am rather than him being an intern. yes, the insane hours and exhaustion compound some of the issues, but they're not the root of the problem. and in all honesty, sometimes the fact that MEDICINE is the mistress is actually something in his favor. and no, i dont mean because of the money. it's because i *deeply* respect what he is doing. i dont mean to offend anyone here, but he's home late because he's putting a splint on someone's broken arm. or there was a severe laceration that came in and he needed to consult on. the call that delayed him coming him another hour? he was ruling out compartment syndrome. the things that are keeping him away from home are genuinely important. it's easier to forgive that than it is when they're wrapping up a sale or schmoozing a client. again, im not trying to disparage other professions because frankly, those are all important in their own way (again, i come from a family of laborers, not professionals). so what im really getting at it that i RESPECT what he's doing. if you cant respect his profession than how can you respect him?

and while there are some really frustrating aspects of it all, here are some of the things i have noticed:

- my girl is not in school (she's 2) and so we just moved her bedtime back. it's not possible for every kid, but for her it works. by letting her stay up until dad gets home, she gets a guaranteed 15 minutes or more with him each night that he's not on call. those are 15 really important minutes and make a world of difference. it means he's still on the hook for being a dad each and every day and they BOTH need the love and affection that time affords it.

- YOU make all the difference in the attitudes. again, my girl doesnt always get a lot of time with her dad, but she loves the time she gets. and i made it a rule a long time ago not to gripe about his hours in front of her. we're always very excited to see him walk in the door and run to greet him, even if that's not how im feeling inside. the more support she feels i give, the more she'll give. IRL, most of my friends would be shocked to know that i was once a very dependent person. it took me a long time to break free and become my own person. and when i met pre-med Orthoman, i realized that in order for us to work, i needed to be even more independent.

- little moments can count for a lot, and it's okay to hold onto them. when he comes in and crashes the minute he hits the pillow it can be really upsetting because hey, i want time too! but sometimes he'll reach out and hold my hand while he sleeps. and that means the world to me. the extra long hug when comes home after a hard day becomes really special because you know that he needs you and your support.

- if nothing else, we both know that he's doing exactly what he wants to be doing. i didnt make this decision for him. my dad was roped into a family business and has worked his entire life to try and be happy with that. but he's not. in my life, i made damn sure that he was doing EXACTLY what he wanted to and nothing else. knowing that he's doing what makes him happy changes everything. he can never say i held him back or stopped him from living his dream because it was the opposite. if we cant be together, at least let's both be doing something we feel is worthwhile.

- im an "expect the worst" kind of person. so in many ways, intern year has been easier than i thought it would be. ive seen him more than i thought i would and while i couldnt possibly anticipate all of the stresses we have, i was able to anticipate and prepare for a lot of them. call nights arent awful for me - ive become an independent person who can function apart from her husband. when he's on call, guess what? i dont always just sit around watching bad reality tv - although sometimes i do, any Jerseylicious viewers out there??? i sew, i craft, i do DIY projects. i grab my kid and window shop or meet up with friends. i read books left and right and crossword when i need quiet time. i make those call nights MY nights. sometimes i hate it, but most of the time i actually look forward to staying up too late while doing something fun. so you can either wallow in misery or make it your own. ive chosen the latter and have found happiness. for this reason, medical school was pretty easy for me - he was always working like crazy whether it was studying, doing research or doing clinical rotations. and me? i took care of myself and never once resented him for it.

the funny thing about those few points is that you can apply them to most other marriages. so dont get too bogged down by the "medical life" talk. we certainly have our own set of unique problems, but if your husband was an CPA he would still work like a dog during tax season. construction workers (during non-recessions) have crazy hours once the weather warms up. lawyers always seem to be running around like crazy and chefs have the evening rush.

so buck up girls! YOU CAN DO THIS. you married someone whose personality led them to medicine. but guess what? they were attracted to you: someone who they believe is strong enough to deal with them AND their pager. so have a little more faith in him and in you. yes, doctors get divorced, but guess what? doctors also stay married. in the end, how different are we from everyone else, and does that really matter?

I'm No Superman

2011-09-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

Is it totally rediculous that I get emotional during the theme song of Scrubs? Probably, since it is a sitcom. I started to write this post on my own blog but to be honest I am embarrassed for my own readers to critical of me and know how much I struggle with being a partner to a doctor. I am realizing that I watch the show Scrubs almost every day because I miss my husband, and somehow getting to know the characters makes me feel closer to him and feel like I am a part of his residency experience. Its pathetic that sometimes I am even watching it when he is home, but to be honest I don't feel like he is truly home because if he were I would not feel so alone. I am trying to get involved in activities so I can meet people and fill this gap where my relationship with my spouse should be. I smile and say hi, but my eyes are still frowning. Right about now someone it thinking "Wow this girl needs some couple's therapy!" Well, that would be nice but my spouse really does not have the time, energy, or desire to work on our relationship right now. So that really only leaves me with one choice, I decide accept the marriage I have right now and accept if I want there to be anything left of this relationship by the time this crazy medical journey is over I need to step up and take on more than 50% of the work it takes to keep it together. I may not be Superman, but I'm going to have to try to do this all on my own.

Book Recommendation

2011-09-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Even though I haven't finished this book, I wanted to recommend it. "Prescription for the Doctor's Wife" by Debby Read has been SUCH an encouragement to me. My husband is an MS2 and I am the stay-at-home mom of our an almost 3-year-old daughter and almost 1-year-old son, so it is often lonely, difficult, and exhausting doing most of the day to day parenting (as well as the household stuff) on my own. I really appreciate Debby's candidness, having been there and really understanding in a way that only those who have been there truly can, without giving in to the strong desire to feel sorry for oneself.

As I said, I've not finished the book yet, but I just couldn't wait to recommend it to you all who are in the same boat. I've been reading (and re-reading) a few pages at night almost like a devotional. I'll just leave you with only one of the few points that have really stuck with me... I am accountable only to God for my actions, independent of my circumstances. This is just what I need to hear, because well-meaning friends and family often tend to feel sorry for me in our current stage in life. Although in the world's view, I would be justified in being mad or resentful toward my husband for the long hours of thankless work that I put in when say he is up late watching youtube videos after studying instead of spending quality time with me :), but God asks me to be joyful in ALL situations. It is wonderful reminder when I am trying to teach our children to be joyful in all things (even when someone doesn't share with them etc.), but it is hard for me to live out personally. I know they are watching and it is ultimately for my Father that I am laboring for when I serve my husband and children and He is the supplier of my strength and grace for the day.

I don't think you can get this book on Amazon or an e-reader, but the author does have a website. Let me know if you end up enjoying reading or have read this book as well.

http://www.prescriptionforthedoctorswife.com

Formal Support Systems

2011-08-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow med school tagalongs!

My name is Ashley, my husband is Christian (MS2), and we hail from sunny Arizona! I am also in graduate school working on my nursing master's for midwifery and women's health nurse practitioner, so we live in a house of healthcare providers. Because we're both super busy with school, there are great days and there are less than great days. I've learned to lean on my support systems to help work through the tough days.

Speaking of which, my post today is more of a question: Does your school provide a formal support system (group/network) specifically for partners of the medical students?

At the beginning of first year, they held a dinner for families/spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends of the students with a panel of MS2 - MS4s, answering questions and sharing their experiences. I found this sooo helpful, but as the year passed I found myself not as connected as I'd hoped with other spouses/partners. I did things with the group of students my husband rolls with, but spouses/partners were not always in tow and the topic of discussion was always....med school! I happened to bump into one wife at an event and we developed a friendship. I babysit her kiddos occasionally, she shares her wisdom with me (her husband is a year ahead of mine), and we're able to commiserate and understand each other as we are experiencing similar challenges in our lives.

I decided this year that I'd love to develop these friendships with other spouses and encourage networking and connections between other spouses with like situations (spouses with kids, husbands of med students, etc.) I decided to start a group to plan the occasional activity together so we can all meet each other and help each other through the four magical years we're spending together.

To me, this blog is a similar idea: people with similar life experiences sharing stories, antics, advice and support. And it's working! :)

So, my question is this: What is your experience with formal groups for support persons? How are they organized, what kind of stuff do you guys do? If not, what kind of things would you want to see in such a group? Any advice?

Loan Consolidation

2011-08-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions when consolidating student loans? There are a lot of websites out there but not sure which ones are credible. I'd love to know what you all think before I start this process. Thanks!

You're Not Crazy!

2011-08-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hello Dearies,

First off, a little bit of housekeeping: if you are interested in being a contributor on this blog, just leave a comment on this post with your email address. You will be added as an author.

Second off, if you are new to the med school game, we want to hear how you're doing and how your first year is and what your fears, worries, concerns, hopes and favorite colors are. We want to know it all, so bring it on. There's nothing we enjoy more here than dishing out advice and reliving our MS1 days.

As for me, my husband is in his first year of residency. We attended medical school in Pennsylvania and now, two babies later, we're back in Texas. Folks, coming out the other side, I can say that there are so many things that I miss about medical school! Namely, my girls' group of medical peeps- they were our family for those four years, spending holidays together and doing showers and grilling out and general shenanigans.

My number one piece of advice for entering medical school is to not hold back. Don't let yourself have the mindset of, let's just get this over with. Live in your new city like it's where you'll be until you die- not just a place you have to survive for four years. I wept and grieved when we left Pennsylvania but I was glad that I could- I was thankful that we had formed such deep relationships and really lived while we were there.

I'll update soon about residency (which I'm quite happy with, despite the fact that my husband is working only 5 p.m. to 5 a.m. shifts this entire month) and the beauty of that first paycheck. (Small but sweet).

ruined forever

2011-08-11T13:53:00.001-07:00

5 years ago, orthoman was a lowly MSI. this would have been the end of his first week of med school. he biggest fear wasnt that he would fail out of med school, or that he would get overwhelmed by everything, or even that he would make friends. no, he was afraid to be "that guy".

what guy? that guy. you know, the guy who walks into the anatomy lab for the first time and faints. the guy that gets sick when they make that first incision into the cadaver. yeah - THAT one. at 6' 3" and 250lbs, he imagined standing there in a group, with a petite girl standing in front of him. then, the professor takes out the scapel and BOOM! he falls forward in a dead faint, knocking some poor, unsuspecting girl down with him. i still laugh when i imagine that.

but luckily for him, that never happened. in fact, he was really proud of how well he stomached everything. okay, well, he did admit to feeling a little queasy for the first few minutes, but he toughened up right after that...

i started working a few weeks after we moved and we decided to go have a nice dinner to celebrate the new job, his finishing the first month of med school, and our first $44,000 tuition bill. so we looked up an italian restaurant with good reviews and were off!

dinner was AMAZING. well, my dinner was. orthoman cant really comment on how his was... because he decided to take the waiter's recommendation and ordered a sausage risotto dish. when the plates were set in front of us, he literally DRY HEAVED. that's right folks, he was immediately nauseated by the sight of his dish. apparently, sausage and risotto looks eerily similar to one's body fat and his cadaver happened to be a particularly large woman.

it's been 5 years and let me tell you... neither one of us has eaten risotto since!

----------------

if you found this story/image upsetting, then you are CLEARLY the wife of a first year med student because as the years pass you become completely numb to any and all things related to the human body. seriously. we had dinner with a fellow intern and his wife last weekend and the things our husbands were talking about would have made any normal person sick just overhearing it. get used to it babe, cause it's par for the course!

AND WELCOME ALL NEW MED WIVES!

the journey is long but man, you'll get some great stories out of it!

WE MADE IT!!!

2011-07-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

We survived our first year of marriage while my husband was in his first year of medical school. Reading back on my old posts you could tell I was a complete emotional mess. I am so happy to say that things turned around and I found a positive outlook to the obstacles that we over came throughout the year. On Saturday we will be celebrating our first year of marriage. It brings me great joy to know that I have been blessed with a wonderful man. I am also thankful for all of you who helped me through out this journey. It was tough in the beginning and I can not thank this blog spot enough for helping me keep sane.

THANK YOU!!!

musings

2011-07-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

on this day many, many years ago - back when it was 2009 - OrthoMan opened an email. it was the results of his Step 1 scores taken just a few weeks previously...

our family of 3 was a family of 2.5. there was 1 car, a pregnant wife/chauffeur, {future} Orthoman, and enough stress and anxiety to fill Yankee Stadium.

it was early in the morning when we set out on the 20 minute drive to the testing center. there was 7 weeks of INTENSE preparation leading up to this one test. we didnt really speak because we were both so freaked out. i mean, this one effing test would determine the rest of our lives!!! and as everyone here knows, that's really not an overstatement. i gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my hands hurt when i got home. i was convinced that my lil heart would explode at any minute, which would distract Orthoman while he was taking his test and cause him to fail said test and have his life ruined TWICE in one day. yikes.

i dont remember much about that day because frankly, i went home and slept for most of the day. except for when i went to Coldstone for lunch. and got the love it size. in a waffle cone. with 2 mix-ins.

since we had only 1 car i had to guess when he might be finished. i showed up about an hour earlier than he suggested. then i waited an hour and a half to see him. i had on NPR and pretended to listen to The Splendid Table {great program, btw}. and then i saw him. he walked out with his bf/bff/study buddy/comrade/etc. he nodded in my direction, acknowledging my presence, but didnt move from his spot. he stood there an extra 43 minutes (YES! i counted). i wanted to smack him, but instead i gave him a kiss when he got into the car and gave him a cheesy grin.

but he sat there. that ass just sat there not saying anything. "i didnt fail it, but i didnt do much better than passing."

it almost killed me. i reassured him as best as i could. of course he didnt fail!

but what if he did? what if my husband, whose friends commended him for studying the hardest and longest, actually failed. i wanted to strangle him and scream. i wanted to yell and shout, "how can you do this to us?!?! i've given EVERYTHING to make this work and to support you!" {and those thoughts were in no way fueled by my pregnancy hormones, i swear}.

instead, i said, "do you still want to go to Red Robin and get some dinner?"

a few weeks later i was sitting at my desk at work. my feet were being propped up by a box of office paper and i was on the phone with one of the partners, trying to figure out where the numbers must have been transposed on a statement. it was about 90 billion degrees outside and 4473% humid {once again, i am in no way exaggerating). the conversation was lasting longer than my bladder and i was dying. the last thing on my mind was {future}Orthoman. then i got a text. it said nothing except three numbers. i re-read it 4 or 9 times to make sure i got it right.

2-he kicked-ass

after a month of preparing for the worst and expecting nothing, here it was. he was home free. he had license to become WHATEVER he wanted! we could go into any field we wanted! we managed to break through the glass ceiling.

i just wish he had some idea of what he wanted to go into.

---

i'm an orthowife, and this is my life.

Honesty.

2011-07-12T16:38:00.001-07:00

Ok, so my husband just began residency but when Adam began medical school, I remember having a discussion with my new-found friends, other wives of medical students. We all discussed the negative comments that were made to us when people (often, strangers!) found out that we were married to someone beginning medical school. They went something like this:

Oh, a doctor, eh? You'll never see him!

Oh, my sister married a guy and after he went to medical school then he graduated and cheated on her with a nurse and left her!

and the like. (These comments are best said in an old-lady, scratchy voice for the full effect.)

Delightful!

So, we all discussed these comments and were intrigued at peoples' perceptions and ideas of helpfulness towards us.

It was fine.

Now, that I'm beginning a new phase (residency), I'm experiencing a lot of the same conversations that I took a part in, four years ago.

Some are helpful. Like, an older, married doctor who was advising Adam on how to establish appropriate boundaries with employees of the opposite sex at the hospital.

Some only create fear. Like, people telling me that I need to show up (with homemade cookies, of course) at the hospital all the time because, only then, the nurses won't try to jump my husband.

Adam and I have had to sit down and have several discussions about these situations and conversations.

I have no reason not to trust Adam.

And honestly, every nurse that I am friends with is a woman of integrity and most of them are married.

Nevertheless, we (both of us) do have to be on guard and establish appropriate boundaries with anyone that could threaten our marriage. Our marriage does have a real enemy (and it ain't a nurse), who wishes to steal, kill & destroy. Therefore, communication is key. Accountability is crucial.

I don't need to know that my husband loves me and is more attracted to me than anyone else in the world, although that is nice. I need to know that he is committed to defending and protecting our marriage and my heart. I need to know that he has a plan in place, boundaries set up, accountability in place. I need to know that the fear of the Lord is in his heart and he is aware of the temptations and pitfalls in the world and workplace.

I want my husband to love his job. I want him to enjoy the people at work. But I want our marriage, and our family, to win.

iPhone or iTouch?

2011-05-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

What kind of cell phone does your husband have?

My husband will be beginning rotations next year and is considering getting an iPhone or iPod Touch so that he can use that instead of carrying around like 13 different pocket reference books. He'd much rather download some apps and stuff to access the information.

What do your husbands use?

iPod Touch:

MAJOR PRO: Wouldn't have to change our cell phone plan and pay for extra data packages like iPhone.

MAJOR CON: Uses Wi-Fi to access the information, and not all hospitals and places have Wi-Fi, right?

iPhone:

MAJOR PRO: Access to information and internet everywhere through cell service.

MAJOR CON: Need to change our cell phone plan and pay more for data package.

We are willing to do either option, but is one better for this use than the other?

Is there another phone or handheld device that's also good for medical reference purposes?

Thanks for your thoughts! :)

M1. Almost.... Done!

2011-04-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hi beautiful ladies!

Well, I just wanted to say that I can't believe the first year is almost done. One more month and we've made it through! I feel like I just watched my hubby receive his white coat for the first time. I couldn't be prouder of him right now, honestly. There were parts of this year that almost felt turbulent like the first year of marriage- moments that reminded us to keep communicating, supporting and loving each other unconditionally.

I would love for anyone to share their impressions after the first year and how much life changed for them if at all! Also how about residency? Will it be a sigh of relief or another huge undertaking for another 4 years or so? I would love to know how this whole process has been for everyone, at whatever stage you are at :) I hope it's been good for all of you so far. Sending my love <3 Ashli

Newbie Alert!

2011-04-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

Greetings everyone! I thought I would take some time tonight to introduce myself (and my StuDoc) since I have been lurking around for a bit (sounds kind of creepy, doesn't it?!). Also, my blog can be found at www.wifeofamdphdstudent.blogspot.com. Feel free to follow my ramblings!

My name is Julie and my StuDoc is Ryan. We have been together for a little over six years and married for almost two years. We met in college (Ry's freshman year, my sophomore year) and are both currently students. I work full time and go to graduate school part time with graduation just a few weeks away! I will be graduating with my Masters of Education in Interdisciplinary Studies and I currently work in higher education for a University about an hour from where we live.

Ryan is an MD/PhD student at a school in the mid-Atlantic. He has completed his first two years of medical school and is finishing up his first year of his PhD research. He has two more years within the PhD portion of his program and then Ry will transition back to the medical school for MS3 and MS4. Seven years total to obtain both degrees and his PhD is in stroke research. Ryan hopes to then move onto a residency program for Neurosurgery which has been his passion and dream for many many years.

When Ryan was applying to medical school, we had been together for about 3 years. While I knew I loved him, and that he loved me, I was not sure that I would be able to leave behind all of my friends and family to move somewhere to "follow his dreams". I had told Ry to apply to whatever programs he was interested in and not to take my opinions into account. I wanted him to go wherever his heart was set on and if we made it, I would cross that bridge when we got there. Well, wouldn't you know - he proposed while he was on the interview trail and of course, I said yes. A few months later I was packing up everything and leaving behind all I have ever known to begin the journey as a medical spouse.

What a journey it has been! I'm not sure if anyone else has begun to do this however I suddenly have my kindle full of medical books such as "Match Day" and "What My Patients Taught Me". I faint at the sight of blood never mind my huge fear of needles, however I find the books to be a great resource to inform me of what lies ahead and what goes on in the mind of physicians. Any book suggestions?!

Ok.. now a few questions!

1.) In your opinion, when is the best time to start a family? I know this varies from person to person however I am struggling. My heart says "Ahhh! I want to start a family ASAP. Before the PhD portion is done because his schedule rocks!" But the other part of me thinks "Julie - Come on now, you cannot raise children by yourself! He won't be around and his schedule will be horrible. Wait until he is done, done with everything including residency, and try to start a family then." By that time, I will be 35. Any insight?

2.) Residency. What is it like being a spouse of a resident? Any surgery wives out there? I have heard from many that NeuroSurg residency is pretty miserable however some hard and honest feedback is greatly appreciated!

3.) Suggestions for hobbies? It may sound silly however once I graduate and my days of homework are long gone, I would like to pick up an inexpensive hobby! I don't want to drive Ryan crazy or nag him to death for being busy so I would like to try to find something to help occupy my time. I also think it may help me adjust to the hours that come along with these years and I don't want to get into a dark place of resentment for what Ry is doing (although I am fairly sure that this will happen time to time and that it is ok to feel that way.. right?).

Thank you for taking the time to read this and respond to questions if you can!

I ain't your momma

2011-03-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone. So I'm a little frustrated and needed to vent. My husband has his neurology exam tomorrow and I am bothered by the fact that he did not prepare for this exam as well as other exams. I was proud of him because on the previous exam, in which he did well on, he realized that he was spending too much time on facebook while studying. This of course was time spent not focused 100%. Well now not only has he done the occasional fb thing, but he started his own twitter blog. He's spent so much time on this and not on studying. I don't want to sound like his mother, but geez..... Well I'm now headed to bed. Thanks for listening out there. Have a great week.

It's been a while...

2011-03-20T21:02:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! I was wondering how everyone was doing and decided to post. Before I start....how do I get on the "who we are" list?
For those of you who are new to this...My name is Karina and my husband is a 1st yr MS. We married in July and he began school in August. We moved away from our home town and it was a very difficult adjustment. It was extremely difficult and I was extremely lonely since I did not know anyone and had not started working (I'm a teacher). The next challenge that I am still facing today, but its not as crucial as before is that I too have always wanted to be in medical school. Seeing my husband in med school made me jealous for a while. I had to stop myself and thank God for blessing with such an intelligent and charming husband. There was no reason for me to be jealous. The best part is that my husband is so supportive. We've talked about it many times and he has always said that if medical school is something I want then I should go for it. So after contemplating and observing how much time and effort and sacrifice it takes, I thought maybe later. I am however applying to nursing school....with this education budget cut I feel like I need to switch careers and find something with job security. Since I am very into the medical industry I believe that I would be a wonderful and caring nurse.
Any how, things are really going well. My husband has been doing great managing his study time and we make it a point to go on a date every other week. This has definitely helped our relationship. Well it is getting late and tomorrow is our first day back from spring break. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Take care and talk to you soon.

bittersweet.

2011-03-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

Happy: my hubby matched at his #1 choice in Fort Worth, Texas, His parents live there, it is warm...

Sad: I have made dear friends over the past 4 years, we had both of our kiddos here...

Two Updates

2011-02-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

#1. In case you are new to the blog, if you are interested in being added as an author, just leave your email address in the comment section and I will send you an invite to post!

#2. Also for 4th year wives, since military & osteopathic match have already gone down, post and let us know where your family will be headed, if you've heard! Allopathic match is March 17th, so we can hear from the rest once that date has passed! I am so excited to find out where we're going to spend the next season of life but also sad to say good-bye to some of my dearest friends from these past 4 years.

3 More Tag-alongs

2011-02-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

Allow me to introduce myself and tell a bit about how I got here. My name is Stephanie and my husband Andy (MS1) and I will celebrate 8 years of marriage this June. We are both Christians and met in college in San Luis Obispo, CA, where I studied biochemistry and he studied biology. We got married after school and I worked at a lab while he got his teaching credential also in SLO. He got a job teaching biology at a small Christian high school in my hometown of Reedley, CA, and enjoyed everything about it, especially being able to coach soccer and football.

Andy began pre-requisites at night and studying for them MCAT, while teaching and coaching. While he liked his job, he felt that he would really love the type of challenge a medical career would bring and that his gifts and talents might be best used in a different type of scientific occupation. So he began to pursue an M.D. rather than look back in 20 years and wish he had tried. I was totally supportive of his decision and knew it would be a long road, especially since it was a priority for both of us for me to be able to stay at home (primarily) to raise our kids, only a daughter at the time, Annaliese, born in 2008. She was our miracle baby, conceived naturally without any drugs or procedures after a year of trying to conceive naturally, then a year of various treatments, and one miscarriage.

Last May we got the great news that we would be able to stay in CA since he was accepted to Keck School of Medicine at University of Southern California (USC), a private school in Los Angeles. By that time I was 5 months pregnant with our surprise little boy and we had already secured an apartment in Upstate NY where we thought we'd be living for med school. We had our second child, Titus James, last September, just 7 weeks after moving to L.A. Since last summer, Andy left his teaching job of 5 years, we've both turned 30, become landlords, begun life in a new city and rental home, borrowed over $70K in student loans, adapted to student life again, had our second child while learning to parent our toddler. Andy also recently joined the Air Force, which will be paying for all school-required expenses starting in the fall for the next 3 years, then he will then complete residency with them and repay 3 years of service.

Needless to say, it has been a whirlwind. I know that God has ordained everything that has happened at the time that he had planned, but I've also gone through the gamut of emotions through it all. Thankfully we've had years of rock solid, Christ-centered marriage to draw on, as well as godly Christian friends and family for encouragement. While some days I feel like a poster child for promoting having a family during medical school, some days I just wish I could get out of the house to be away from the kids and my husband too.

While having 2 kids, age 2 and under is both fun and challenging, the hardest part for me has been the loneliness. Because we've moved away from our family and friends, Andy's program is so intense (as you all know), and our kids are so young, I've really felt a void. While I know in my heart that Jesus fulfills all my needs, I've struggled with wanting more from my marriage while Andy is trying his best to juggle time at school, studying at home, spending time with the kids and me, he really doesn't have more to give. When we've talked about my problem, it has been repeated that from my perspective I feel that he doesn't give/do/share enough with me and from his perspective I am just lonely from moving away from everyone we know and love.

If I had written this on certain days over the past few months, it would have been more of a pity party, but recently I've been encouraged by my best friend from college. Although I am in a tough situation overall and I really do miss my friends and family and it is hard on our marriage, I need to remember to make sure my husband's needs are fulfilled and I will be satisfied, it's a win/win. Not coincidently, it is similar to how I am most satisfied when God is most glorified, in other words, I am to love and serve my husband as the church loves and serves Christ. It is not that my needs are less important, but that it literally brings me joy to see my most beloved person happy.

As for coping with my loneliness, I've also been very proactive about this from the beginning in many ways. We've attended a local church immediately since moving here, been in a committed small group through the church, and met some of our neighbors. I've done mommy-n-me dance classes, play dates and library time with my daughter, joined a MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group, and even handed out my cell phone number to moms I've met at the park. It is just a slow process, getting into deep and meaningful friendships. Keck has also started a monthly support group for significant others, which has been helpful too. I'm still longing for and praying for a close friendship with a woman believer with whom I can relate down here. As you all are aware, it is just not that common for med students to be married, let alone have more than 1 child so there just aren't as many people that I/we can relate to as easily.

But lest I deter anyone who is thinking about having kids in med school, I'll leave you with a few things to think about... 1) In a similar way as it is to be married, it is a sacrifice to have children but they give you even deeper and greater joy than you've ever known previously. 2) You may think you can time having children to your ideal time frame - and it might work just right, or it might not when you plan, or it might not work at all. God is the giver of life in his own time, but it may become more difficult as you get older. 3) Your kids won't know that you're strapped for cash and living on loans etc. They just look to your response to things to know how to interpret them. 4) And finally, just for a smile that only kids can bring, a couple of random and hilarious things that my daughter said to me today (she's two years old), "Mom, you have boogers ("buddahs") in your nose and I'll help you in 5 minutes." I cracked up, but then went to check to see if she was really trying to give me a hint! :) Another time, she came running inside from the backyard and said, "Mommy, you're so pretty!" I had to check to see if my husband had come home early and put her up to it. He hadn't, but must have prepped her previously! :)

Anyway, I've followed this blog for over a year and thank you all for your posts and comments. It has been a blessing to me. It is good to know that we're not alone in this journey. (And sorry for the novella.)

I'm curious...

2011-02-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody! My husband is half-way through MS1 already (yay!) and we're starting to think about summer plans (he gets the summer off at his school). I'm curious...what did your husbands do during the summer after MS1?

Thanks in advance for your ideas, advice, and experiences! :)

My Life of Lesser Importance

2011-01-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

I am getting very tired. Tired of the constant crisis. Tired of waiting to for support from my spouse because "its not a good time." I'm mainly tired of my life, desires, needs, thoughts, opinions and anything else not being as important as my spouses.
Today my spouse could not even stop to give me a goodbye hug because he was running late. Are you kidding me? An extra 15 seconds really is too much to ask isn't it.
Just because my spouse is going to be a doctor does not: make him more important, excuse his rudeness, make his opinions more valid, make his cold more miserable, give him an excuse to be more messy, make his time more valuable, mean he needs more pampering, or make his crap stink any less than mine!
Just thought I would put that out there. Hopefully I am not alone in feeling this way.

LONG TIME!

2010-12-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

How is everyone doing? We are in the midst of residency interviews and baby boy #2. Adam has traveled quite a bit for interviews and it's been really cool but I'm glad that they are almost done! Now we're thinking through and processing and trying to decide how we want to rank the programs and cities. I am not believing that 4th year is half-way through.

How is everyone else? We need some updates and thoughts and feelings on life!

Newbie and Questions, Questions Questions

2010-10-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well I am so excited to have found you guys, its really nice to have others out there that have already done what we are about to start. I was actually getting really frustrated having so many questions and just no one we know to turn too to ask. We currently have no friends that have gone to medical school in the last 10 years or are planning on it. So once again I am so grateful for all of you out there that can answer questions.

I think I will start by introducing us. My name is actually Loni and my husbands name is Jordan. We have been married for 4 years. We went to school for a short time in Rexburg Idaho and shortly after getting married transferred schools to the University of Pittsburgh for the neuroscience program they offered, we were so excited when we moved, we bought our first home there and then later invested in another duplex to rent out and are now renting out both houses. We lived in Pittsburgh for 3 years and then both of us graduated with degrees in Neuroscience/chemistry. We had almost every class together and helped each other all the way through school. We have done sales for 2 years, working side by side, being together 24-7. I was pregnant during our last year of school and our first son was born 6 days after graduation. We named him Kyren and he is now 18 months old and just adorable. After graduating my husband got a job as a Neurophysiology Technician and monitors nerve activity through several tests (electrical) in the OR during spinal surgeries mostly. Every once in a while he does brain tumor cases or other head trauma. Last year he was laid off due to several neuro-surgeons quitting the hospital he worked at. And being the newest employee was laid off. So we found a job doing the same thing with a company called Physiom in southern California and gratefully moved back west closer to family.

6 weeks ago we had our second son, its been so much fun, we named him Parry, which is my maiden name. He has been such an easy baby and I can't believe we have two kids already.

The goal has always been medical school, infact we were going to go together. But somewhere along the way my mommy button was pushed and I decided I wanted to invest in what really matters to me: Family. I love being a mom and always wanted to be a stay home mom (even after med school), and so I decided to forgo med school. Anyway He was just accepted to the med school PNWU in Yakima WA and I started doing some more reasearch and now have many many more questions.

Question 1: One has already been addressed but I feel like I need some more help in that area or perhaps a specific answer to how you guys feel. I have always known about the pelvic exams and they really didnt bother me but heres the clincher....My huband asked how his school performs them and he was told that the Students perform the exams on EACH OTHER!! So not only does he now study with these women, spend time with them, but now he has to do a pelvic exam on one of them! I just don't know how I am to overcome this. I have slight jealousy tendencies but have never heeded them due to the fact that I trust my husband very much and their usually very silly, BUT I do not trust other women. Anyway it has never really been an issue but I all of a sudden feel this terrible jealous feeling, and I have always been able to make them stop because they have always been unlogical, but this one doesnt seem to be silly. BUT then you add that they have to have their own class mates do the prostate test on HIM!! I cant stand the idea of another women touching my husband, its bad enough to get over him touching another women knowing that I am sure its not a romantic thing, it becomes "work" its not the right setting but come on, his own class mate that he might study with? And then she gets to touch him? I mean he is a man, they get stimulated very easy! Anyway please ladies help me find some logical way for me to calm myself down or let me know that this classmate thing is trully really weird and shouldnt be done, maybe I can talk to someone in administration about it or something. And what about the Breast examination, I know vaginas stink and are on the whole pretty unpleasant but what about Breasts? And it would be nice if all other women were ugly but they arent so what do you do when hes examining some "hot chick"?

Question 2: Does medical school training change sexual behavior/ relationships? I am sure you guys know what I mean. So our relationship is "X" now and then after 4 years of exposure to many bodies, breasts, vaginas, cadavers, tests, other women, supressed feelings etc. Does your relationship change to "Y"? Do any of you have experience in dealing with the emotions your husbands go through throughout medical school and the best way to do so? Does he look at you differently after skinning a breast earlier that day in the cadaver lab? Is there the temptation to do the taught exams on you during love making? Does he compare you? And if the answer is yes, then how do you handle these emotions to not make it worse for your relationship?

Question 3: Are they forced to study with other women? Is it plausable to ask him to not study with other women? I know he would if I asked him, but is that even feasible? I would like to think it is. This worry stems from the fact that our relationship was built off studying together, we had our whole degree together, talking about the curriculum stimulated other converstaions. I also know that my husbands main language of love is time. how do I handle him spending time with other women when I feel like that is the time that made our relationship what it is. I also feel like he is going to have some connection with his classmates that I will always be left out of because I did not go to medical school. What do I do with that?

Question 4: So this is off topic but we have a lot of student loans from undergrad and we are trying to figure out if his will go back into deferrel during medical school or if we have to pay them with other loans. I want to stay home and am hoping to find some line of work to do from home but we won't make enough to live off of and pay back student debt. The other question is if its worth it to consolidate them knowing that you cant defer them EVER once you do so. Do you really pay student loans with a nother student loan? That just irritates me, so much debt! Let me know what you guys did. We have two private student loans from undergrad and then of course some federal ones.

Question 5: Would you all do it again? Do any of you wish you had decided to not go forward with medical school? Or wished that your husband had found another career....like being a dentist or something?

Alright, those are the most pressing questions to me right now and I would LOVE and appreciate any words of advice or comfort from you ladies with more experience. Thank you so much and I am glad I found this blog. Its now time for me to go feed a cute little boy thats very hungry and then make some banana cake that I have been craving all day.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Loni

Pelvic Exams and Such

2010-10-08T14:55:00.001-07:00

Well, Jordan asked how we felt about our husbands doing pelvic and breast exams and I couldn't resist jumping in there. I remember posting this during my husband's second year. We were newly pregnant with our first kid and he had his big pelvic exam day approaching.

I was not very excited.

Luckily, the woman on whom my husband had to perform his first pelvic exam was a rather large, older woman. This made me feel a lot better than some young cute thing, you know? Since then, he's had to do tons of pelvic exams, especially in the Emergency Department. Most of these cases are STD's or infections or bleeding-related. I don't really even think about it anymore. I know that he is nervous, trying to perform well and not hurt anybody. It's just so mechanical to them, you see that there's nothing else happening.

Those are my thoughts- it ends up being not a big deal and you realize that there was no reason to worry. It's work, plain and simple. It's like a car. With an STD. Or heavy bleeding.

YOUR pelvis is the one that he thinks is pretty.

Jordan, I do have thoughts on the studying with/spending time with medical school girls thing, I'll address that in another post. I know, I know...be still, my beating heart.

The plunge.

2010-10-01T02:43:00.001-07:00

Well there is no turning back now. My husband and I found out two days ago that we will be parents in June. Scary as that it is we are very excited and have been spreading the news of our little one for the past two days. I'm experiencing a lot of emotions right now which fluctuate from joy to "oh crap I'm not ready for this". It doesn't seem real and most likely won't until we have our first appointment in late Oct. I'm looking forward to this roller coaster ride with my eyes on the God who created me and my wonderful husband holding my hand along the way. :)

4th Year- Destination Unknown

2010-09-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

With a husband in the midst of residency applications and baby #2 due in just a few weeks, this has turned into an exciting year. Where will we be? Oh, who knows. It's fun this way, right? Love Gilmore Girls and love this quote- it's so right now.

I've got about the next two and a half hours planned...then there's just darkness....and possibly some dragons.

-Rory on Gilmore GIrls

Shine on sisters!!!!

2010-09-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to send a little love to all of you out there!!! Everyone is doing a great job getting through the transitions, whether you've just moved and your hubs just started school, or if he's just begun his next year of school/rotations/residency! Sending you my thoughts, prayers, love and hope for your joy and happiness!!!

"Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built". –James Allen

xoxo Love, Ashli

Just a little vent...

2010-09-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies,
This week I have been feeling a little sad that I have not been able to make friends like I'd like to. I mentioned before that I attended a "spouses of medical students" meeting. I am back to give a short update. The ladies I met all seem to be very nice. Some have kids. Some don't. Some work. Some don't. However one thing they all have in common is that they live near each other. So since the meeting they have had little get togethers. I was not aware of a couple of them. However, I do not live as close to them as I'd like so I feel like it's been extra difficult to continue being part of that. (I do want to note that I am aware of this only being the beginning and I may need to just give it some time).
My co-workers are really nice too. However, they all live over an hour away and they do not have free time to just "hang out".
So I have been feeling pretty lonely. I stay at work late, come home, feed the dogs, go to the gym, make dinner, grade or enter grades, shower, and then go to bed. I am not a routine person and now that we are in this routine of things it is driving me nuts. I know I need to be patient....I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks again for listening.

Yep, I'm another newbie!

2010-09-02T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hello friends who are or have been in my same situation! :) I'm Mel. I'm new to this amazing blog, and happy to be here. Here's an "about me" list to sum up my into:

1. Married my husband in June 2006
2. Graduated with a degree in Speech Communication in May 2009
3. Had our first baby 3 months later in August 2009 (Yes, I looked like a pregnant cheerleader at my graduation)
4. Husband graduated in May 2010 with Biology (Physiology & Anatomy) Degree
5. June 2010.....um, we still hadn't heard yes from any med schools...what do we do? Apply next year? Start a Master's program? Yeah......we were totally lost.
6. July 2010......we got off the waitlist and into med school!.....and have 1 month to find a place to live where we've never lived before, get into an apartment and out of our old apartment and move. In ONE month. And we have a baby. But of course I kept my cool and didn't freak out...*cough cough*
7. August 2010 husband started med school and our baby boy turned 1.

Let's talk about August briefly. This move away from family to a place I've never lived with a baby was incredibly difficult. And I mean anxiety/panic attacks/couldn't eat and threw up for 3 weeks difficult. All while husband was stressed about getting set up at med school. We were both pretty much pushed to our limits.

So I bid farwell to August....you will not be missed by me. But thankfully now I'm doing infinitely better...I can eat and sleep and actually function like a normal human being. I'm starting to feel like myself again. Yea! :) I started a new blog to therapeutically write about what's going on with us med school-wise. And I've met several med school wives that go to my husband's school, and I'm going out of my way (and comfort zone!) to make new friends. I'm slowly building my net of a support system....that now you are a part of......and it's making me so happy. :) Thank you!

I look forward to getting to know all of you better and hearing about your advice and experiences!

Overwhelmed and Anxiety

2010-08-24T18:35:00.001-07:00

Hey all! I need advise, support, help, words of encouragement, words of wisdom....anything. I'm feeling really overwhelmed with everything that is going on. My husband started orientation and I went back to work (teaching) this week. Some of the med students have been having or going to parties since last Thursday. I know my husband wants to be there with the crowd to get to know people so we went to one party on Saturday and another get together last night. My drive to work is about 30 minutes, so long story short, I have to wake up at 5am to get to work on time. My husband could go to these event alone, but I admit that I feel this is one of the only times I'll be able to meet the people he'll be hanging out with for the next four years. Needless to say....I'm exhausted.

I'm starting to freak out about work because there isn't a curriculum in place for the subject I am teaching, so I feel a little lost.

Money is really tight because the bank did not send me my debit card (but they did send my husbands) when my husband and I opened our account together and there is absolutely no money in my account.

I can already tell the limited amount of time my husband and I are going to spend together (if any time) and I'm starting to feel a little concerned.

There's a female that is always with my husband and our roommate who rubs me the wrong way. I've tried to talk to her and get to know her but she doesn't show any interest in becoming friends. This bothers me because if she's going to be my husband's friend, I would like for her to be my friend as well. Yet I see no effort from her.

This and the usual laundry, cleaning, and bills is on my mind. When I think about it I start feeling anxious. I remind myself to take it a day at a time, but it would help to maybe hear from those who have gone through this. Maybe you can share what helped you relax and keep calm. Maybe you can say something that'll knock some sense into me. Maybe just jotting this down will make me feel better. Either way...thanks for listening.

the Job Hunt....

2010-08-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share some exciting news...I FOUND A JOB!! The Monday before our wedding I signed my contract to teach high school Physics. I am so excited to have found a job and even more excited that I do not have to move back home and I can live with my husband as newly weds. I start work on Wednesday and he starts med school at the end of the month.

I'll definitely keep you posted on how the job goes.

I have to ask...

2010-08-06T17:54:00.001-07:00

How do you ladies have babies while your hubbies are in school?

Like, how does it work time-wise? How do you afford it? How tough is it?

My husband starts school next week, first year med. We both want a family but want to get settled in first. Any advice and insights would be MOST appreciated!!!!!

P.S. SO much respect for you!!!!

Wanting to Introduce Myself!

2010-08-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

Hi!!!!! :)

So, I'm the new girl on the block :) Not just on this website, but literally. I have just moved from my lifelong home of Boston, Massachusetts to Rochester, NY about three weeks ago. My husband and I graduated from college in '05, both musicians (he at Berklee College of Music and me at The Boston Conservatory). We have taken an unconventional path to the doorstep of the University of Rochester Med School! But here we are!! He starts next week. I'm so excited for him!!!

So, about that unconventional path from music to medicine...Shortly after graduating college and realizing how unstable the music industry is, and that both of our passion for it had waned, we BOTH changed course career wise. Mine just took a LOT less time :) A year after graduating from college, I enrolled in school for Massage Therapy, and a year after that became a Licensed Massage Therapist and Reiki Healer. It changed me and it changed my life, completely for the better! I know that this is part of my life's purpose and my life's work, and I feel so grateful for it!! My husband enrolled in pre-med classes, prepared for the MCAT, took it, applied, the whole shebang...and here we are in Rochacha...

As I support my husband on his leg of the journey, becoming a physician is the fulfillment of HIS life's purpose. And to add a layer on top of that, I have a feeling our work together has just begun. We both have something to bring to the table in the healing arts and in medicine, and we are fortunate to be married but even more fortunate to know that God wants to use us together!

I had a lot of growing up to do to move- I've lived in Boston my whole life. I was super happy at my job at an amazing spa in Boston. Moving to Rochester has taken me completely out of my comfort zone! But I am so happy to do it!! I am growing stronger from this experience. I am a little nervous too of course...I hope that my husband has nice classmates. I am trying to keep an open mind about the whole experience and let it be what it is, whether that means he will be studying and away for long hours, etc. It would also be wonderful to make friends with some other med school wives in the area!!

Thank you so much for letting me be here on this blog! I look forward to sharing more and to offer support and encouragement to my med school spouse sistas!!!!
Love, Ashli

Fall 2010!

2010-08-02T16:13:00.001-07:00

Hey Fellow Tagalongs,

How is everyone doing? Main squeezes of first years, are you making it okay? Is being a med school tagalong matching up to your expectations?

My fellow (MS4) is on his 2nd month of ER, which has been a crazy schedule but he loves it and I'm thankful for that.

Encouragement for today:

A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

-Proverbs 11:25

Bank on that promise as you encourage and love your med student (or resident!)

I didn't get the job....

2010-06-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm hurt. My stomach is in knots. I have less than 4 weeks to find a job if not then 500 miles away is where I'll be for the next year...away from my husband. I guess God is the only one who knows what plan he has ahead for me. I'm just feeling disappointed in myself. I had a really good interview 2 weeks ago, but I walked out of there not fully satisfied with it. Yesterday I recieve an email saying that the position I applied for was not yet available and then today I get another email stating that another applicant has been selected for the position I was interested in. Back to the drawing board. It's just overwhelming and I feel like I'm drowing.

House Cleaning

2010-06-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

Hi lovely friends,

First of all, if you have asked to be added as an author on this blog but have not received an invitation email, leave a comment on this post with your email address and I will get one to you ASAP! Sorry if I've missed you!

Secondly, encourage your med school loved one today. They get a lot of beat downs during these four years and there's no way to know everything. Those folks are in an atmosphere of competition and negativity and they probably need a little encouragement today from their main squeeze (that's you)!

Lastly, YOU'RE awesome. Way to take care of your medical student, even when it's challenging and lonely and frustrating! I hope you have a great week, lovely!

Growing pains...

2010-06-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

It has been an intense and emotionally difficult week for us. We've fought over the smallest things that seem so miniscule in scale, but we've managed to make it grandeur. We've also fought about the most important things in life that make me contemplate and question, "how in the world do we make this better"? He said something today that made me pause...he feels that I resent him. He says its the way I've acted since I've moved up here with him. According to him I have been "edgey", and "defensive". He would like for me to stop worrying and just relax. Things I worry about: our finances, finding a job up here, and his studies. We now have a mortgage to pay! I am having a difficult time finding a job up here so because we have a mortgage I may have to move back 500 miles south where I already have a job, just so we can pay for this home that he'll be in. Last, this past week he decided to try studying with a group. The group consists of 3. Him, our roommate, and a girl who is always with them during school. He got one score back and it wasn't that great. I've noticed that they spend their time laughing, coming up with new jokes, and talking about others in the program. I've been with my fiance for 3 years. I know he needs complete silence and has to concentrate in order to study well.
So relax and don't worry....believe me....I wish I could!!!

Surgery rotation?

2010-06-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

My husband starts 3rd year rotations on Monday for 6 weeks. We are starting out with a bang ladies! He is getting his surgery rotation out of the way. He has ER surgery for three, followed my trauma surgery. Definitely VERY exciting for him, but just wondering....what were you surgery rotation experiences coming from the wife/girlfriend side? I expect 80hr weeks, and very little husband. (Especially because I also work nights) If I get to see him more than I actually think I am.....GREAT! Just wondered what your experiences are?

Also....we are expecting #2 on October 19th!! (another good reason to get surgery out of the way!)I am also anticipating not having my husband around much, except for my time in the hospital. Although, looking on the bright side, he will have clinic rotations during that time! I don't really have much family that can help out. Some one have some encouragement out there?? :)

Thanks!

Am I crazy?

2010-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm thinking if we work on communicating our feelings then our relationship should be okay. So today he asked me if everything was okay. I'm really bad at hiding my feelings even if I wanted to. My shows you what I'm thinking. So I told him that I had something to tell him, but I didn't want it to be an arguement or anything like that. All I said was, "I would appreciate it if you would let me know when you go over to a girl's apartment". He came back with, "oh so now I have to tell you everything I'm doing all day". So then it continued with him getting upset and walking back to his study room. I'm not upset about the whole situation, just wish he would have reacted differently. Am I crazy for trying to be so open with him? You know how they say some things are better left alone....was this one of them?

What You Bring

2010-06-23T10:30:00.001-07:00

What you bring to the table, that is. After reading Kari's last post, I remembered that feeling and fear from Adam's first year. I wondered if he would begin med school with this group of future doctors and they would all be talking about their classes and medicine and I would be a dunce in the corner, picking my nose and nodding along as I compared my job to their lives.

Maybe there were moments that I felt like that, initially. However, even though I am far from a medically-versed person (I mean, I was a Psych/Spanish major...c'mon), I feel like I bring a lot to the table in our relationship and in conversations with his groups of friends. You are an interesting person, you have thoughts and opinions and views about the world. After having his anatomy group over for supper during his first year and hanging out, I realized that I could carry on a conversation with any of these people. Heck, there were even times that I had to CARRY the conversation.

Of course, they talk about what happened at the hospital, etc. And I'm okay with that- I can ask questions about what they saw, what their reactions were, what the doctor said. A lot of times, though, we can get the conversation going away from medical school and towards other things, like...life things. Girlfriends, water parks, dogs, God, family camping trips, British Literature, snow cones, whatever. And I think that's GOOD for them- to know how to talk about subjects outside of microbiology. And it's good for them to get to know the people that they sit by for two years straight. Like, really know them.

Anyways, this post was rambling but all to say that we, as spouses or girlfriends or whatever, bring a lot to the table. We are the strings holding their helium balloons of heads down to earth. Reminding them of who they are, reminding them that not everything is a competition, reminding them of life outside of medicine, reminding them that they're going to make it.

A lot of Adam's friends ended up having girlfriends/boyfriends, spouses, & fiances outside of medical school. This is a great opportunity to have REAL conversations because the significant others want to be included, too. It is more difficult when it's 1 non-student with 10 students. When you can up the number of non-students, it often helps keep everything balanced.

Okay, the end!

P.S. Even though I'm not a medical mind, I've found that I can hold a conversation about most medical things, especially once they start rotations and are out of the basic science classes. You are able to bring insight to those stories from the hospital because you are a human, by golly, and an intelligent one and they are treating humans.

Plus, they will have some great stories after their Psych rotation.

I'm smart too....

2010-06-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

So they're studying in the room and I'm sitting in the living room trying to pay bills online. I need encouragement. I'm a science major also, so I hear them talking about macrophages and T3s and T2s and bateriophages...I know that too. Lol. I know I'm being silly. It's just a lot to take in. Especially this being our first month away from home, friends, and family. I see myself there too. I just haven't decided if that's the route to take and risk not having "us" in our future. Oh how I wish this was much simpler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Curiosity Question...

2010-06-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

Was anyone else interested in medical school also before meeting your husband? The reason I ask is because I always said I was going to be a doctor. I went to college, had a little too much fun (still did decent), and decided I would have to go to grad school and pick up my gpa in order to have a chance at med school. I met my fiance when I was in grad school. While in grad school I also picked up a teaching job and have been teaching since. Slowly but surely I began to go to school less and less and focused more on teaching. I'm two classes away from graduating with my masters degree, yet I find myself searching for more. I know I don't want to go to medical school anymore only because I don't want my fiance's and my path to go different directions. I've thought about going into administration, then I thought well nursing is in the medical field, but I could also do P.A. school. Now I find myself caught in between my goals and his. At the end of the day I just want to feel well accomplished and at this point I'm not exactly sure where or what that is. Any advice?

I'm not a med student, darn-it!

2010-06-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

Ok ladies, how do you handle this? I have felt like just an extenuation of med school with my husband lately. It seems like spending time together and being married is just another thing for him to check off. Scott is behind in his rotations due to some health problems so we are about 3/4 of the way through our third year. This has caused us both a lot of stress. We will be staying an extra year so that he can catch up and do some research. How do you handle the stress of our guys being all about medicine 24/7? Where is the off button? :) I'd like to spend some time with hubby Scott not not Dr. Must get everything done now and right and perfect Scott. Any suggestions?

It hasn't helped that I've recently stopped taking birth control. I loved my pill b/c it kept me sane. Not taking the pill makes me very anxious but we do want to have kids so..... I'm just going to ride this hormonal wave until I can learn to adapt. But like I said it doesn't help with the nonstop med student life.

first real arguement

2010-06-12T01:05:00.001-07:00

So fiance and I had our first real arguement. I went out tonight with his friend from medschool and his girlfriend. After leaving the bar and arriving at Whataburger, I did not call him to let him know I was okay. I figured I'd call when I got home to let him know I was home okay. Apparently he wanted me to call him when I left the bar, when I left the restaraunt, and when I got home. This ended up turning into a huge arguement. And of course thanks to my big mouth turned into something bigger than what it needed to be. He went out last week with same guy except no girlfriend and some girl they go to school with. He posted a picture online of them three and I admit I was jealous. I do not know who this girl is and I would like to meet her. Instead of making it an arguement I just let him know that I'd like to meet this person. I left it alone. But tonight when he was yelling at me for not calling him to let him know that I was okay. I flipped out. Yes I'm thankful that he was concerned about me, but I really felt like he was wanting me to "report" to him. I have a huge problem with that. I then expressed how upset I was about him going out with this unknown woman but I didn't make it a big deal because I gave him the benefit of the doubt and knew that Id soon meet her. But he doesn't do the same for me. I'm just so confused now. We get married in 49 days. He said something like "I don't need to be married to a person who is insecure because people will be able to see you like that"....and then he said something like, "I dont want to have to be having conversations like this while I'm busy in medical school trying to study". I dont know what to say, think, or do. Any advice?

Newbe saying Hello

2010-06-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! I just wanted to stop by and briefly introduce myself. My name is Karina and my fiance just started med school at UTMB in Galveston, TX. I know this is going to be a difficult journey for us and I am looking for support from others who have been there or are going through the same thing. I hope to gain new friendships with this blog and hope that I am not constantly blogging to myself. :) Have a great weekend!

Long Time, No Posts!

2010-05-28T04:32:00.001-07:00

Hey Tagalongs,

I hope everyone is doing well! My husband is beginning his fourth year on Tuesday and we are entering the Step 2 of boards and application process for residency. It is unbelievable that medical school is three-fourths complete! It's hard to imagine starting over in a new place for residency (unless we are here for residency, then we would definitely know some folks...but we're hoping to be a tad closer to our families instead of 23-hours away).

I feel the daily battle of anxious thoughts and wanting to be in control plaguing my husband. So many things are uncertain. Our son is 1 and I am pregnant with our 2nd child and I know that Adam feels the weight of his family as he prepares for boards and applying for residency. We are having to daily (hourly) surrender the stress, this weird grappling for control and just TRUST God. We're going to be fine. He planted us here, in Pennsylvania, so far away from everything and everyone we knew but he provided community and support here for us. We thrived here! The same will be true wherever we are. We'll be fine, que sera sera!

Marriage Conference

2010-01-25T14:05:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the ladies who gave some great advice on my "should I stay or should I go now" Marriage conference issue. Now that is is over, thought I would share a little bit about how it went, and if the situation comes up for you, what I have learned. :)

I think the biggest issue was that I had forgotten to put it on our calendar, so hubby couldn't plan for it, and make sure he got enough studying in before, so he didn't feel so behind. I think he kind of went in Friday night with a bad attitude, and I take the blame. I know he is under a lot of stress. Saturday morning was better, although not the best experience I have had before. We have been to previous marriage conferences that were a little drive, and got a hotel. Though expensive, I think that if your going to do it, spend the time AWAY! We learned some good things, but I don't think we came out of it the best we could have.

So, because I sprung it on him last minute, it really would have been better for me just to let it go this time, and plan better next time! No worries though, I think our marriage is doing fine. I just know how easy it is when a marriage has a lot of stress to kind of forget each other and go our own way, ya know? So, just trying to proactive. :)

Would love to hear some blog posts on how things are with your marriages, and what you do to keep going! Especially if you have kids, and even maybe work. (we have one girl, and I work)

Thanks!

Rotation Travels

2010-01-25T12:54:00.001-08:00

My hubby-hubster (3rd year) and I are currently on our first awaaaay rotation. Like, 23-hour car ride away (we flew though) and staying with our in-laws. Well, my in-laws. His parents.

At first, I was excited to get away for a rotation in the middle of winter. Then, I was hesitant- what about our familiar routine, what about our space, what about our son's sleep schedule?!

But, a dear friend resident wife encouraged me to travel- she said, you never know where you'll end up for residency, see family while you can. So, we jumped and are having a blast. The 9-month-old kid's sleep schedule is a challenge on the road but we've gotten to stay with both my parents and my in-laws= lots of help with baby and LOTS warmer weather. If I can bypass a month of winter, then I count it as a win.

I do miss my girls' group up north but I'm glad that we went away for this rotation and definitely grateful that we were all 3 able to come. Not to be morbid or Debbie Downer, but you can't take for granted visits with family- you're not promised a next one!

Feeling selfish

2010-01-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

Hi ladies,

I knew you of all people would understand this post. My husband is in second semester of second year. This semester is supposed to be lighter, but whatever that means! ;) Hub has had a hard time getting into his books this time around, and hasn't done as much studying as he needs to.

I am feeling a bit selfish today though. I asked him to go to a marriage conference at our church here in town, tonight 7-8:30pm and tomorrow 8:30-11:30.(I forgot about it, so just told him today :( ) This obviously cuts out on study time, which he hasn't done a lot of. On the other hand, medical school is stressful on a marriage, and things like this come around once a year (in which I never make it to because I always have worked during it) I know that he is going with me because he loves me dearly, and isn't selfish, but I can tell he really wants to study.

Should I have just forgot about it, especially since it was so last minute, and he hasn't gotten to study much, or do you think it is important to make every effort to do these things, or if they are even worth the time? I am just hoping I am doing the right thing. I KNOW he will pass his classes, but it still makes it stressful, ya know? I will take your honest thoughts, no worries. :)

Checking In

2010-01-11T15:31:00.000-08:00

Wow! Who can believe it's 2010 already? No one has posted in a while and I was wondering how the start to a new year and new semester is going for everyone. My DH started a peds clerkship last week. He's enjoying it and even brought home some great germs to share with me. Sunday was a yucky day. Praying that the year starts with peace and joy for us all.

If...

2009-12-07T07:00:00.001-08:00

A while back, there were a couple of "You know your husband is a med student if..." posts. See here or here. There are some things that only other medically minded wives understand. :)

Now that we are in residency, I have a couple more to add and I thought that many of you could appreciate them. :)

You know your husband is a resident if...

you regularly use the word "STAT" to get his attention. Example: "I need you to take the dog out, STAT."
you can hear a vibrating pager from anywhere in your house.
one of your weekly laundry loads is mostly scrubs.
your friends consult you to find out your husband's call schedule before they make plans for the upcoming months.
you refer to your weekends by color. (Golden weekend = entire weekend off! No call!! Black weekend = on call all weekend...sucky!)
you eat a weekly meal in the hospital cafeteria, not because you are visiting someone who is sick - but just to spend some time with your spouse.
the phrase, "I'm capped!" does not refer to wearing a baseball hat.
you frequently tiptoe around your house in the afternoon - not because your baby is asleep but because your husband is post call.

Feel free to add to these if you have some good ones...medical school or resident ones!

Babies and MedSchool?

2009-11-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

As the end of med school draws nearer Scott and I have begun to wonder if now would be a good time to expand our family. I'm a school teacher and thus bring in the only other income aside from loans. I've seen from past post that some of you have kids. What would your advice be? Would 4th year be a good time to have kids or should we wait until his internship year? I'm a little older than my husband and will be 35 when he gets out of med school thus the desire not to wait too long. I really want to hear what it's been like for others so that we can make the right choice for us. Thanks!

2009-11-25T16:45:00.000-08:00

Today we got a great reason to be even happier this Thanksgiving. My husband passed Step One! One major hurdle tackled. I pray that you may all enjoy tomorrow with those that you love and that you will stay safe in the cradle of God's infinite love and mercy. Happy Thanksgiving Tagalongs!

Purpose, Perspective, and Flirting

2009-11-06T06:06:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've posted here that I feel like I have to do one of those journal entries where you catch up on the last decade of your life. When you were 12 those journal entries looked something like, "One thing led to another and I graduated from 6th grade..." Rather than give you all the lengthy details of the past year of our lives, I'm going to adopt my twelve-year-old writing style and say "one thing led to another" and my husband ended up going to medical school at St. George's University in the Caribbean. And that pretty much sums it up.

If any of you are like me, you know that this journey is full of wonderful highs and depressing lows. I recently stumbled upon a few pieces of wisdom that have helped me cope with this adventure. Hopefully they may be of some use to you.

1. Purpose

I'm not entirely sure why, but recently I've woken up feeling a little depressed. It may have something to do with not going into an office every day and feeling validated by hard work. It may be the fact that I'm a country away from family and friends. It may be that this is just something new and my soul is being stretched. Whatever the case may be, I heard a psychologist answering some questions during an interview recently about depression. She said something interesting about mild cases of sadness and depression. She said the cure is purpose. Even if you wake up sad and disinterested in life, if you have a purpose you can't possible stay in the rut. Your purpose won't let you. By purpose I don't mean a deeper philosophical purpose of knowing that God has a plan for your life (this is helpful, but I'm talking about something more tangible). Your purpose can be going to work and doing a good job. Your purpose can be cleaning your house, planning a fun activity for your kids, or visiting a friend. Your purpose can be volunteering in your community and helping someone less fortunate than yourself. The point is if you can't wake up in the morning and know what your purpose is today, then you're setting yourself up for failure. First piece of advice - figure out your purpose on a daily basis.

2. Perspective

After having a day of wallowing in my self pity, I took one of the youth from our church home from an activity at the church. As we pulled up to his little dirt road, I asked him some questions about his family. I never in a million years would have guessed his responses to my questions. This 17 year old boy is clean cut, happy, funny, smart and energetic. So you can imagine my shock when I found out that this boy's mother is in a mental hospital on the other side of the island, that he lives in a house by himself without electricity. He does his homework by the light of a flashlight and works hard so he can someday go to college. He lives alone in his house, without family by his side or food in his cupboards. He travels to his grandmother's house once a day to get a meal. But the rest of the time he is alone without light, food, or someone to say goodnight before he lays down to sleep.

I cried the whole way home after dropping him off. God in his infinite mercy humbled my selfish heart that night and reminded me that I'm pretty damn lucky. That boy hasn't been given a sliver of the opportunities and comforts that I have and yet he finds the strength to be positive, happy, and work toward a worthy goal. Sometimes getting through life as a med student wife is about perspective.

3. Flirting

The last thing that is helping me cope with this gig is being flirty. I know, you all think I'm nuts. You're probably right, but here's the deal. It's easy to complain about this boring plight of never seeing our husbands and devoting a decade of our lives to being their personal cheerleaders. It's also easy to get frumpy, grumpy, and ugly (trust me - I've gone weeks without looking pretty sometimes). This inevitably leads to self loathing, orneriness, and a complete lack of sex drive. You don't want to be intimate with your husband because you feel ugly inside and out.

My advice is to find a purpose, take a step back to breathe in a good dose of perspective, and start flirting with that handsome man you married. Kiss his neck and tell him how handsome he is. Pull him close and tell him your glad you have such a strong man to take care of you. He needs to hear how much you love him and you need to say it more than you know. He'll feel confident, you'll feel better about yourself, and your shameless flirting will bring more love into your home...and possibly unexpected pregnancies, but that's a topic for another day.

If you're still reading this you're a real trooper. None of us know each other that well, but I want you all to know that I love you. Thanks for being a support for me. Hang in there and enjoy this journey. We're all gonna be rich someday!!! (We all know that's a lie, but just keep telling yourself that.)

Nervous

2009-11-01T05:42:00.001-08:00

Tuesday is the big day. Scott will be taking boards again and I can't begin to tell you how nervous I am. While I try to be as supportive as I can when he reports a barely passing score on a mock test, part of me panics. What does this mean? How can I be more supportive? Is this a sign that he shouldn't be a doctor? This is where faith comes in. I have to trust that God is faithful and have faith in my husband. Has anyone else hit speed bump after speed bump? Do the speed bumps ever stop? One thing I am very glad to have now is this blog because now I don't feel so all alone.

Quitter

2009-10-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

Can I just quit? He has only been in med school since July and already Im sick of it--how pathetic am I?
Everything revolves around HIS schedule and even our weekends aren't free of some sort of obligation/activity/volunteer opportunity/commitment. I know I'm not being very supportive right now, but I'm so stressed out with having to take care of everything by myself that I want to scream.

2009-10-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

We went to Kabul, Afghanistan for two weeks in May with Global Health Outreach to give free medical care to the people there. We took our own supplies and medications. We have been to Africa a couple times together before. This is a WHOLE new world for us, but it was great!
A look at city life in Kabul.
Country life, and nomads.
Chillin' with the school girls during lunch. I did some public health teaching that day. I loved it!
My hubby starting and IV to give antibiotics for a cellulitis infection. I tried, but I missed it! Grrrr. I was a little jealous at the time that he got it, and I didn't, but I got over it. Good job hon' :)
Ahhh on the LONG plane ride. Seriously, we had such a scare, I thought we were going down. I now am more terrified of plane rides, than actually being in Afghanistan!

Also, FYI.....only a small percentage of muslims are terrorists. :) I loved, loved, loved the people there! What an awesome opportunity we had. We have thought about going back this spring, depending on the current situation with the war at that time.

If you want to see more pics....just ask! I have over 300!

New Template?

2009-10-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies,

So, I was just thinking....is there anyway we could put maybe an aqua poppy design on our blog page? I don't know how these group blogs work, (not the most tech savvy girl out there) but thought it might look neat. :) Funny, but I love enjoying new templates!

Anyway, just an idea.

I might as well update too! Been awhile. :) I don't think I have posted since we went to Afghanistan in May. We are back....no worries! I will post a few pictures.

Hubby is in the third semester, and I guess have heard the hardest? I don't know, you hear all kinds of things. Pathology and Pharmacology seems to be tough anyway, but doing great! I agree with the previous poster....support is EVERYTHING! My hub is always telling me he needs and loves my support. Even just refilling his coffee cup, or staying up with him until 2am. (like last night, oh boy am I feeling it!) They need it girls!

Also, I have a question. Especially for those who have kiddos. :) What do you all do for date nights, and how often? Do you have to schedule them way ahead of time? Dustin and I haven't been on one yet this semester, and we are feelin' the need. Plus, his birthday is next week! I think we are just planning on having a coffee date and taking a walk (probably a chilly one) around Grey's lake in Des Moines. Any other ideas in general?

Thanks! Bring on the posts ladies! I've been looking for them!

Derricca

Status Update

2009-10-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

As a follow up to the previous blog, I just wanted to mention something my M1 came home today and said to me. He walked in the door and said "I am so glad that you are so supportive. I couldn't do this without you." Like some of you girls mentioned, being there for your guy is important to their success (and yours). The other night, he hit a speed bump and felt overwhelmed. I rubbed his back and whispered words of encouragement. Two days later, I had a terrible day at work. My sweet husband offered to give me a back massage (this is extremely rare ladies, I dont think you understand the magnitude of this gesture). I have learned so much about selflessness and support these short few months and I hope to grow more in this respect as our life changes over the next few years. I am trying my best to make our home a sanctuary from the stresses of medical school, but I'm not perfect.

C received his white coat last weekend (they make it into a ceremony at his med school to mark their transition to professional and the start of their patient hands-on experience) and I couldn't be more proud. His mother said the last time she was on campus, my husband was a year old. Maybe in another 22 years we will return to the same campus with our child to continue the tradition :).

Updates - On the Other Side

2009-09-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we are not a med school family anymore but I thought I would respond to Camille's update request because we are first years of sorts - just doing the first year of residency. In a lot of ways it is similar because we have moved to a new location and had to start fresh with building community and finding our way around.

I have to say that the one thing that I am learning so far is that being a resident's wife (or med-school wife) requires a lot of selflessness. I suppose this is true for ALL relationships but I do think that the time requirements demanded of young Dr.'s makes this attribute all the more important (and more difficult to practice!!).

Now I am definitely not saying I am anywhere CLOSE to being a selfless and perfectly supportive wife, nor am I saying that the WIFE is the only one who needs to be selfless. I am just finding that the more I try to see things through Jeff's eyes, the easier things go for our family. (And when I am supportive of him, he is better able to support me and meet my needs.)

So anyway, now I will explain. Like many of you, our past few months have felt like a hurricane. We had our first baby in January, bought our first house and both graduated (me from a master's program) in May, moved to a new state in June, started a residency and got a puppy in July...and so on. And like many of you first-year med students whose husbands are studying ALL THE TIME, I am adjusting to having a husband who has a CRAZY schedule. This past week I had a few really lonely and stressful days and I really felt frustrated that my husband wasn't there (either on call, tired from being on call, or distracted by his to-do list) to support me in the ways that he had been able to in the past. One day it hit me (duh!) that he too was going through some ENORMOUS life changes and that he was trying to perform well at his job on top of caring for our family. When I saw that he was walking through situations that were different from mine but just as challenging (if not more because he has way less free time than I do), it really made me think about how I could be more supportive of him. And as I worked to see things with those thoughts in mind, I found that I was less stressed, more understanding and our communication was much better because I didn't have a chip on my shoulder.

One of our other Tagalong members - Sarah A. said once that she tries to make sure that her home is always the place that her husband looks forward to coming home to. I thought this was great advice.

Again, I don't mean for this advice to make it seem like resident's wives or med-school wives need to sacrifice everything to make sure that their husbands are perfectly content or happy, but I am finding that I am happier too when I am less focused on my own needs. Helping my husband out enables him to better support me as well.

My only other advice for first years - GET INVOLVED and find a group of women or friends to support you when your spouse is busy! LECOM had a great Spouse Support Group and I am sure most other schools do as well. It is great to have friends who are in a similar situation and can allow you to vent and support and encourage you through a busy time of life. Sometimes it means putting yourself out there and inviting your way into things (I am starting that all over!!) but it is worth it.

God Bless and good luck!

Updates!

2009-09-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

How is this school year going for everyone?

Specifically, how are you first-years doing?

introduction

2009-07-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone.

Just wanted to take a second to introduce myself. I'm Callie and my boyfriend Robert is an M1 here in Atlanta. We aren't engaged (yet!) but we've been together for over 2 years and are really excited for the future.

A little background- we went to high school together but didn't know each other. We met randomly in Mexico when he randomly got stuck there and I happened to be there with some girlfriends. So many circumstances had to fall perfectly into place for us to meet. :)

We spent a year long-distance, I graduated from college and spent a year with him in Virginia while he finished school and then we both moved back to Atlanta (we're both from here) in May for him to go to med school. My hope is that this roller coaster will be a little bit less lonely with both our families here.

I've heard nightmare stories about Med school since we started dating BUT we keep telling ourselves that people do it everyday and we are so lucky to have found each other.

I have some questions for the veterans:

1. Do you all have family near? Is that a source of strength at all?
2. What do you wish someone would have told you on day 1?

I've been reading your posts all summer. Thanks for being such inspiration to me! :)
Callie

Rotations and A Baby

2009-07-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yo sisters. In April, we had our first kiddo- Henry James and in June, my husband began 3rd year rotations. We got to start out with 2 pretty nice scheduled rotations- June was Psychiatry- (7 to 3ish was an average day) and July was Anesthesiology (some days he was done at noon!) but now we have started his 3rd rotations- Internal Medicine.

And yesterday, his first day, he was gone from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. and this morning he had to be at the hospital at 5 a.m. Yowza- this is a big change. And he'll be on IM for the next 3 months!

However, we will prevail! I will adjust and keep my sanity! I think I just got spoiled with the first two and now it's time for wake-up and smell the cafe late.

Newbies

2009-07-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

I'd don't have admin priviledges so I was hoping that if I started a new post those of you interested in joining could respond in the comments with your email and blog and then whoever the main admin is could add you as a contributor. (I apologize I cannot remember who the main admin is).
Welcome to the crazy, exciting and long journey that is medicine!

Med School Tagalongs Newest M1!!!

2009-07-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

My husband started Med School today! Its his orientation week and today he said was fairly boring since it was mostly logistical issues (getting vaccinations, student ID, etc). I am so proud of him and excited for this new chapter in our life. I'm sure I will need all of my Tag-a-long sisters' sage advice! Cheers, S.

For any MS1 or MS2s

2009-06-08T20:44:00.001-07:00

My most recent post is about the Match process - most of you are already more than familar with the process but I know when I was the wife of an MS1 and 2 the process was always a mystery. For those who are interested: http://marriedtoamedicalstudent.blogspot.com/ I also post a few links that are helpful for learning about residency programs.

Together again

2009-05-21T20:44:00.001-07:00

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well! So I posted way back -- I'm the one that has been separated from her med school hubby for such a long time... well I'm happy to say we are finally living together again in NY. It has been a crazy past couple of months. He was able to get all of his rotations lined up in NY so we can stay here a few years, and he moved out here about 2 months ago. I stayed at my accounting firm until the end of busy season, and made the move just a few days ago. The first day I was here I got really lucky and landed a job.

Josh is in his ICU rotation now, so that means he's hardly home. It's now really hard on me because I thought living with him I would actually get to "live with him"... but I'm finding that's not the case. I know once this rotation is over it will get better, but because I just moved here and don't have any friends here yet, I find it incredibly difficult. Plus it doesn't help that Josh rarely talks to me about his days... is that something I should be concerned about? I don't know if it's just because our communication was lacking while we were separated, and I hope it will get better over time and living together again, or if it's just a part of his personality that will never change. I also find it really challenging to not be offended by his crabbiness at times, and find myself snapping at him or getting upset. Are there any other wives out there that are super sensitive like me? How do you put your emotions aside and just be there to support your hubby?

Finals!!!!!

2009-05-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

You all doing finals this week, or soon? Two more to go for dear hubby. Done after Wednesday's test. How are you all holding up? Just checking in!!! :)

Also, if you could keep us in your prayers, the hub and I are leaving on Thursday to go to Afghanistan on a medical mission trip through Christian Medical and Dental Association. We will be working in a clinic of some sort, and possibly their hospital, giving free medical care. We will be gone for two weeks, and our daughter is staying with grandparents.

Thanks!

introducing henry

2009-04-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

In keeping with tradition I thought I would share that another one of our tagalongs up here, Camille, had her first baby yesterday!!

Henry James Jennings
April 21st, 2009 at 12:44pm
weighing in at 8 pounds 14 ounces
21 inches long - 14.25 hat size
and a full head of hair!

Camille, Adam, and Henry are all doing great! Her parents are up here to help them out for the time being. He is so handsome. Im sure once things slow down she will give us an update on what life looks like now with a baby.

Congratulations Camille! We're all so excited for yall!

Why I love third year (for the MS2s)

2009-03-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

I cannot speak too much as to first year because my husband and I were 365 miles (a 6 hour drive or a 12 hours by a short car ride with two train rides to allow for adequate study time while I was in law school) apart. But I can speak in regards to second and third years of medical school. Second year the days were long (but manageable) but the excitement and nervousness of first year had worn off for Drew. While he was still excited about his dreams of becoming a doctor he began to get worn down with the long days of his nose in a book. The only change from studying and lectures was to practice on fake patients. Drew didn't really enjoy this first year and then only to continue it in second year to advance to doing pelvic and rectal exams was no improvement. The year dragged on for Drew and he was often exhausted.We were worried to start third year; we had heard it was going to be tough, long days, busy weekends and very little free time. I guess with all the worrying about how "terrible" it was going to be we weren't really prepared for Drew to enjoy it.Once Drew got past the orientation part of his rotation he would come home each night so excited. He was different, it was like someone had relighted his fire and passion for medicine. Drew started with "longs" which are Internal Medicine (IM) and Surgery (and are called longs because they are 10 weeks, rather than the rest of the clerkships which are only six.) Typically the "longs" are considered the most intense and most demanding. And while they most certainly were, I still can say that Drew (and even I) have been so much happier than last year. Internal medicine usually started at six or seven and he was usually home by six or seven. He was gone Saturday mornings but most of his Sundays were protected (meaning he had the whole day off). Surgery was a little less consistent. Most days he started at five or so and was done by five-ish but there were the occasional days where he got out in the early afternoon or other days where he went till 8 or 9 at night. Weekends were the same is internal medicine. While this seems miserable keep in mind that Drew's "shorts" psychiatry and Oby-gyn thus far have been shorter days and offered him most weekends off.Although the schedule of IM and surgery seems intense, it was really quite bearable. I kept myself busy by visiting friends some weekends and we made every Sunday our day, all day, even if it meant laying down on the couch all day. I have also learned to love even simply times like when I lay in his lap while he studies. While I have gotten a little off-course (thanks for staying with me here) the point of my post, is that I have found third year to be the most rewarding. There have been so many days where Drew has come home so excited, and although exhausted he couldn't wait to tell me what he got to see, hear, or do that day. For us it was like all that time that he had spent with his nose buried in a book had finally paid off. He has finally gotten to see so many of the things he had only before read about. He is actually working with real patients, with real problems. It made the idea of becoming a doctor a little more real. My favorite of course was surgery because each night I could watch his eyes light up with such awe and enthusiasm as he spoke about his day. It didn't matter what he spoke about, it wasn't what he said, it was just so wonderful as a spouse to see the one I love find his passion. It was the acknowledgement and satisfaction that all his hard work (studying and self-discipline) had paid off. I think it also provided a huge amount of joy and relief for him to not only know that medicine really was his calling, but also to know what your calling is.And while finding the right specialty can be stressful for some, when they do find it, there is just a huge sense of relief and contentment. So if your spouse struggles to find something they like my advice is to try and calm their fears and encourage them to just learn from what (rotation/clerkship) they are in, even it means learning that they never want to do it ever again!So while third year takes some accommodation and adaptation, it is a very exciting time - especially as a significant other getting to watch your spouse transform from a student to a future doctor.

A quick intro from me to you :)

2009-03-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

While I've been a member of this blog for quite sometime, I've yet to actually post. So, here ya go. My name is Shirley, my hubby is Wes, and we have an adorable baby Bichon named King Louis, who just turned three (so in dog years he's 21 - not so much a baby anymore!) We currently live in Virginia, where Wes is finishing up his third year of med school. I can hardly believe that we're about to enter the fourth and final year of this wonderful experience. It's been quite the journey, and we're both anticipating its conclusion. I am a middle school teacher, who is described by her students as 'really southern and really preppy.' Guess that's not too bad of a thing to be called, huh? I teach Civics and Economics to some of the most rambunctious teenagers this side of the Mason Dixon line! I love it, though, and wouldn't change careers for anything in this world!

When Wes isn't studying, taking an exam, seeing a patient, or telling me about some 'weird' thing he saw in the hospital, we enjoy gardening, taking rides on the Blue Ridge Parkway, listening to classical music, going out on 'date nights', and just plain enjoying being hubby and wifey. We'll celebrate our first year of marriage on August 31st - we can hardly believe we're at the seven month mark!

We're pretty average folks, who just happen to be going through the 'med school experience.' We both love to meet new people, so when I told Wes I signed onto this blog, he thought it was a great idea!

I promise to post more often - it's so great to share a 'connection' with other people in the same 'boat.'

Happy Monday, Y'all!

Shirley & Wes

cleaning up shop

2009-03-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

okay I think I got everyone added to the "who we are" section on the blog.

If I missed anyone or you want me to change the link, name, etc. please let me know. If I couldn't open your blog (because its private) I just put a link to your profile.

Then I sorted them alphabetically just to make it easy.

ALSO... I know a while ago we discussed changing the name of the blog. What are your thoughts on that? Because most of you said you wanted to but then we never decided a name. Here are a few that were suggested:

The Mrs.'s of Med School
Mrs. Med School
Med School Groupies
The Doctor's Wife (link taken so we would have to change a little)
Confessions of a Doctors Wife
Supporting the Student
Dr. Wife (link taken so we would have to change a little)
The Real life of a Doctors Wife
Behind the Scenes
Backstage Crew
Behind every great man
The Wives Club (link also taken)

any other ideas??

Once we pick a name I'm happy to work on sprucing up the blog some and doing a cute header etc. (Fabulous K does great ones!)

Another forum for med school wives

2009-03-17T19:42:00.001-07:00

For anyone who is interested there is another blog being started up by a bunch of medical (attendings, residents and medschool) wives. It is a similar idea to this blog except it will also be a forum for dialogue, questions and even rants so it is a private group - so that no one has to worry about bosses or superiors coming across our personal topics. If anyone is interested in joining please email me at marriedtoamedicalstudent@gmail.com and I will gladly send you an invitation.

Also a random question - how do I get our names in that column on the right?

Please allow me to introduce myself

2009-03-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

My name is Marissa, I currently reside in central Illinois where I live with my husband who is a third year medical student. I just spent the afternoon reading through all the prior blog posts - and I must say it was quite refreshing. So many of the posts reflected the exact thoughts and feelings that have gone through my mind and it was a relief to know that I am normal and not alone.

In adding to your comments about what people have told you about marrying a doctor, I would like to add that I am a new attorney so you can imagine the comments I get. We are going into the two professions that are infamous for divorce. Most of the lawyers that I am around tell me to make sure that I get something in writing since I am "putting my husband through med school" (although my wages aren't even enough to help pay for tuition), and since my firm does quite a bit of family law they will always tell me about all the doctor's divorces they are working on -and my thoughts are "you don't know my drew." And although others probably view us as ignorant - it is calming to know that there are others who feel the same way. I'm sorry but your career doesn't cause your marriage to fail; people cause a marriage to fail. I'd like to think that all that we are going through now is strengthening our marriage, and personally I think it gives our marriages an advantage. Spouses who enter the picture after medical school won't have the same bonds as we have gotten.

For wives in their first and second years I'd like to post in the future about why I love third year. And since we're gearing up to apply for residencies (yay!) I'd love to hear from some fourth year and resident's wives!
Please introduce yourselves by stopping by my blog! www.marriedtoamedicalstudent.blogspot.com

Babies on a Budget

2009-03-06T12:06:00.001-08:00

**updated with random pictures (just for the heck of it) and a link**

I've been meaning to post about this for a while. I remember a post a while back about having babies in med school and wanted to throw in my two cents from our experience.
At the beginning of hubby's fourth year of med school, I gave birth to our first child. Since before we were married, we were both committed to me staying home and raising our children. So, even though that meant that we'd be without income until he started residency, I quit my job and stayed home. (And by home I mean our tiny one-bedroom apartment in Houston.) Obviously that decision required a strict budget and some creative ways to save money. So I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and practices in this little journey of having babies while hubby has been working his way through med school and training.

Breastfeed. It doesn't take a doctor's wife to know the far superior nutritional benefit of breastmilk. But in case that doesn't convince you, it's F-R-E-E! That, and super convenient. No sterilizing bottles, heating up milk, etc. So for at least the first 6 months of your baby's life, no food cost. Hello!

Make your own baby food. This can save you a ton. Fruits & veggies don't cost very much and making a batch of purees once a week doesn't take a lot of time. You don't need fancy machines to do it. Just steam in the microwave, toss the cooked veggies plus the leftover cooking liquid in to the blender, whirl, spoon out into ice cube trays, and freeze. I would usually pop out the little food cubes once frozen and organize them into labeled ziplock baggies. Whenever it's mealtime, take out some cubes (you can even combine them: a cube of sweet potato with a cube of broccoli), and heat them up in the microwave.

Cloth diapers. Man, are disposable diapers expensive! They're about $30-40 a month. I just recently (with my second child) switched to cloth. I had no idea how easy modern cloth diapers were. And they work really well. I have about 10 diapers and spent under $200. Sure, that's a big up-front cost, but it saves you a bunch in the long run and if you decide on them while you're still preggers, you can ask for them as gifts. Best cost-saver with these is to buy the BumGenius brand, one-size, pocket diapers. They'll fit your baby from infancy until he/she is potty-trained. Cloth diapers do require a special detergent (I use Charlie's Soap), but it works out to be only about 16 cents per load. (Obviously, the more diapers you have, the less often you have to do wash but I could only afford to start out with 10 so I do a load about 3 times a week.)

Clothes. We are blessed with fabulous parents that love to spoil their grandchildren with adorable clothes and other necessities. But if you're not in the same boat, eBay, Craig's List and second-hand stores are the way to go. You can get some really cute, even designer clothes for cheap. Or you can swap clothes if you have a friend with kiddos a year ahead or behind yours. Kids grow out of clothes so quickly that it's not worth investing in their clothes.

Toys and other stuff. Craig's List has been my go-to on this one. For our firstborn's first birthday we spent all of $6 total on his gifts: a snow sled and a swing for the backyard.
Have it at home. This is a no-brainer, but when it comes to birthday parties, have a get-together at home. Who cares if the rest of your kid's friends are spending hundreds to have some themed birthday event elsewhere, the kiddos have just as much fun with a pinata, pin-the-tail, and bbq at home.

Free Entertainment. Most cities have tons of free events and admission for kids. Here in Denver, all of the museums, the zoo and other fun attractions have free days throughout the year. I put them all on my calendar and when we're available we go. Now that our firstborn is a little older, Daddy takes him to the free workshops Home Depot has once a month. He has a blast making the projects with Daddy and they even gave him a little orange Home Depot apron and he gets a little pin to put on it for each project he does. The library is also one of our faves. They have a weekly storytime for little ones and we check out a bunch of books while we're there every week. We're also part of a playgroup (we found it through Meetup.com). There are about 50 members and most of the playdates are free, either hosted at a park or someone's house.

I realize these ideas aren't novel. You'd no doubt figure them out on your own. I just thought that maybe by sharing some of what we do to make things work, it will seem less overwhelming if you are in the same position now or in the future. Being a med student (or resident) and having a family aren't mutually exclusive. Not only can you make it work financially by adjusting your lifestyle, you can still have great family time together. Actually, my hubby got to spend a TON of time home with our firstborn since he was in his fourth year of school and even had an entire month off.

If you have any other ideas or thoughts, please comment! For other great money-saving ideas in general, check out this post from Money Saving Mom.

Gettin' Ready for Step 1

2009-03-02T16:50:00.000-08:00

So, some of you are in this boat, some of you- not yet, and some of you have already sailed this boat across the great med school ocean with success. Studying for Step 1. My hubs is in his 2nd year and preparing to take Step 1 at the end of May. It is a funny/weird time because our first baby is due April 19th...his last day of class is April 22nd...and then boards are coming up quickly after that (the end of May). So we are trying to figure out what studying will look like for him once I'm home with the bambino.

On the plus side, the first few weeks of Henry's life, Adam (husband) will be able to make his own schedule. That's going to be nice. However, I know how important the boards are and making adequate time to study, not just now while he's still in school, but once that big break hits and study time kicks into high gear.

Any hints/tips out there on how to encourage/support/help your husband with this vigorous preparation?

winter formal

2009-02-11T16:05:00.001-08:00

First thing is first.....the shoes!
A couple shots of my hair. Yes, I got it done. :)
Self shot in front of one of the many waterfalls. It was held at a casino resort.
I didn't get a full pic of my dress, but it was very "flowy" I loved it!
That is all for now. My two year old is coming at me with a stethescope!

The lonliness begins...

2009-02-09T14:53:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry I dont have much to comment on the winter formal thing,however from the pics you posted you ladies look smokin'!!
We are just starting out on this whole med-school experience, since Sonny's acceptance was so recent (He starts in July). He has to go to a sort of orientation ("Emory Revisited") that is spread over three days and its full of tours, seminars, meetings, etc. I wanted to go, so I could find out more about the next four years.
He called me today to tell me that the girl in the admissions office said I "would probably be bored" and that it would be better if I didnt go. Maybe this is silly, but it seems like the separation and lonliness has already begun. Im already excluded from the cool kid's table and I havent even gotten to school yet. What makes it worse, is he has to stay overnight for two nights during this whole ordeal. Like I said in a post, I spent three months without him recently, and I dont like the idea of sleeping alone again. I know some of you are reading this and going "Dude, she needs to buck up!". And part of me is kicking myself as I share this, but I didnt think the lonely nights would start so soon.

2009-02-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

I opted going for a jeweled-tone dress, cocktail length. I wanted to be slightly more casual than wearing a long dress. Though, there were quite a few girls there who did wear their prom dresses. I guess I would advise you to keep it a bit more casual than that if have that option.

I was one of the girls who started this blog but I guess I never really introduced myself. Hey girls (and guys)! I'm Bethany and this is the love of my life Josh. Josh and I were married summer of '07, moved to Erie, PA (we didn't know anyone here), and he started school at the end of the summer. There were a lot of changes and adjustments summer of '07, but the Lord is faithful and it was great to see Him working in our lives. Josh is in his second year at LECOM (Lake Erie College of Osteopathic Medicine). So far med-school has been good, challenging but good. And we are expecting our first baby mid-July! Wa-hoo!

Hope you have fun at your formal this weekend. And I second Camille, post pictures!!!

2009-02-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

My husband's med school has a semi-formal, so I'm not much help..

here's what I wore:

This year, I'm wearing this:

Just kidding...I don't think we're going because a. I'll be (Prayerfully) close to pushing a baby out and b. I don't think they're having it this year...

Good luck finding an outfit! Post us some pictures of y'all dressed up!

Formal....Help!!

2009-02-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

I should have thought of this sooner! I have a winter formal on Saturday. I have a few options for dresses, but still have no idea what I am wearing. Do any of you have pictures that have been to one of your dress? I would love to get ideas. Thanks!

Derricca

It's about time....

2009-02-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've known about this blog since November or so, and I'm finally getting around to posting for the first time.... :) I'm Jamie, and my hubby Josh is in waiting to start rotations. We're from Milwaukee, WI, and we got married July 06, which one month later he left for his first semester of med school on Grand Cayman. We were separated 3 months, and when I graduated college in December, I was able to move there with him (which was AWESOME!!!). We had our own little place there together and made some great friends, but because his last semester was in Miami (and he'd only be there 3 months), I moved back in with his parents in Milwaukee to find a job. So we were separated for another 3 months. He came home for the summer and thought it was best to try and transfer schools, and was accepted to another Caribbean school, Ross University. He had to go back to Miami for 3 more months to basically re-do the semester he last took, so we were separated for another 3 months....

It has been incredibly trying on both of us. He has run into so many issues that we'd never imagined would be problems, and it's definatly a struggle to stay positive and supportive for him. It's especially trying to live with his parents and try to maintain a normal marriage with him, since I want to be the one cooking for him every night, but his mom is usually the one cooking for all of us. His parents are great people, but I absolutely cannot wait to have our own place again.

Right now he's back home again, and we were both hoping he'd be able to find a 2-year program to complete his rotations so I'd be able to move with him. We are waiting to find out what his school can get him. As of now it looks like we may be separated again, and I don't think I can go through that again. Any ideas how to stay strong for him and not have a complete meltdown? I trust God knows what He's doing with our lives, but it sure is hard to get through it sometimes.

GOOD NEWS!!!

2009-01-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

I need to brag. My husband, Centrael, just got into his dream school: Emory School of Medicine in Atlanta!!!!!!!! At #19 in the country, its considered the Ivy League school of the South. He was playing XBOX downstairs in his underwear and I was watching Top Chef upstairs. I heard him squeal as he ran up the stairs and his mom's scream as she figured out what he was excited about. (We live with his parents until we move to Atlanta for school). We were all screaming and she and I started crying. Wrapped in his bathrobe, he lead the way to the garage where we put an "Emory University School of Medicine" sticker on the back of his Mini. We are so excited!!! He starts in July, so I am soon to officially join your ranks. Good luck to us all!

New Little Guy!

2009-01-27T15:05:00.000-08:00

One of our tagalongs up here, Lauren, had her first baby!! William Marc weighs 7 lbs. and 11 oz. and came into the world today! Lauren is a teacher and her husband, Jeff, is in his 4th year of medical school.

Happy Birthday Little William!

2009-01-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

I'm Katie, and I've been married to Brandon for 8 months now! We moved to Columbus, OH right after we were married, so Brandon could attend med school at Ohio State. I was so spoiled to spend every extra minute with him during this past summer before he started... then once he started school-I had issues! I'm so thankful that I found this blog! I have found a great support system here in Columbus, but could always use more!

Another introduction...

2009-01-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

My name is Ashley and I'm from a small town in Kansas. My husband Jarod is in his first year at KU Med (University of Kansas) in Kansas City. We are high school sweethearts and married for 1 1/2 years. We also have a minuature dachshund named Harley and a little one coming our way at the end of summer! By the grace of God Jarod was accepted to medical school only 2 hours from our hometown so the extra visits and support from our families are wonderful! I am an ultrasound tech and have been for the last few years and fortunately understand the medical aspect of all this and time consumption...although it doesn't make it that much easier! I have to admit so far this first year hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I thought I would never ever see my husband but luckily he spends most of his time studying at home. So even though we don't get to spend the time that we are used to together, I know that he is here and working hard to secure our future! So I guess that gives an introduction to our life....only 3 1/2 years until the next big step, residency!!! :)

Remember When?

2009-01-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

Isn't it weird to think about being a two-income house? Or to remember what it's like to be a two-income house? I can't barely remember what that was like...

This is the funniest season of life. Just thinking outloud.

Your'e Gonna Miss This...

2009-01-08T17:44:00.001-08:00

Before I get into my opinions on the life of a med school tagalong, I suppose I should introduce myself and my med-schooler. I am Ali, I am 24 and from Salt Lake City, Utah- I love to sing, dance, and drool over other people's kids. I am also a full time dental hygienist. But most importantly, a wife of a doc in training... My hubby is Josh, he is 26 and is the love of my life. We have been married a year and a couple months now. We dont have any kids yet (sadly) but we do have an adorable dog named Bella who is crazy and so much fun. She is my buddy. We currently reside in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where Josh is in his 1st ( yes, first) year of medical school at UNC.

Ashley: I AM ALSO, terrified and excited about spending the next decade as a medical school tag a long.

A year ago at this time I was right where you are. Josh and I were about to get married and 2 days before he was interviewing in New York. A few days after our Honeymoon he was off to Dartmouth, Oregon, etc. etc. etc. I would lay in bed at night and ponder what the heck I had gotten myself into. How I could possibly pick up my entire life for one amazing person and trust that everything would be ok, that I could live without my parents and friends, that I could be happy, that WE could be happy. Would I fit in in North Carolina? Would I be able to make friends, would I EVER see my husband? The one I waited 3 and a half years to marry?!?!

Now I talk about the title of my post. A good man named Trace Adkins wrote this song. I have heard this song a million times, as most of you probably have if you like country music, but it never hit me til about a month ago. I was driving to work...trees surrounding me on both sides, in every shade of yellow, orange and red. The skye was Carolina Blue and there was not a cloud to be seen. I was in a great mood. And to top it all off Trace was playing on the radio.

" Your'e gonna miss this, your'e gonna want this back, your'e gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast, these are some good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now, but your'e gonna miss this..."

Have words ever rang so true to me? No. I have loved every second in Carolina so far. Has it been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life? Yes. I miss my parents and sisters so much I could just explode. Sisters in law, best friends, my kitty, parents in law, the Gateway, the mountains, home cooked meals from mom... but man am I gonna miss this. Josh and I have had such a blast being on our own! We have learned a lot about each other. We rely on each other. I am forced to make friends and go out of my comfort zone. I have seen some of the prettiest nature I have ever seen and wouldn't have had we not had this experience. We love each other more every day.

However, sometimes I find myself wishing life would be different. Wishing it away. Sitting in church wishing I was one of those ladies with a newborn baby to cradle. Wishing I could stay home and do crafts all day, wishing Josh didnt have to study, wishing I didnt have 10 more long years of school to put my hubby through. But I know now, Im gonna miss this.

So for my new years resolution, I start today. To stop wishing life away, to live in the MOMENT. To love my job, love being without kids for the time, to love the time i do have with my husband because after year 2 it only gets crazier! And to love North Carolina. 4 years is going to come and go much faster than I think. To imagine the things ahead of us that will make NC special to us makes me so excited. Where we bought our first house, where we had our first baby, where we learned and grew together.

So to all who care to join, I begin this journey with an open mind and a new excitement in being the tag-a -long! We gotta stick together, lift each other when we fall and get through these times because in actuality, we are gonna miss this.

Out of my way, Worry Wart!

2009-01-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone! This wasn't exactly a New Year's Resolution. It was more of a New Year's Realization. On the last day of 2008, I was sitting in my parent's cozy basement, eating goodies, watching my nieces and nephews bounce around, and admiring my big sister. She's 34, pregnant with her 6th child (everyone gasp here - yes, my family is trying to repopulate the planet), and happy as can be. Her husband is an AMAZING man and a terrific father. He is brilliant, but he can never seem to sit tight in a specific area of employment. Their married life, therefore, has brought many moves, changes, and unknowns. I sat looking at her on New Year's Eve, glowing and round from the little baby growing inside, and thought "How is she not more stressed out?" I realized a few things as I sat there. 1) I cannot remember a single time that my sister has called me and complained about her husband or their situation. She simply refuses to get stressed out. It sounds old-fashioned, but she just tells herself that she knows her husband will work hard and take care of their family financially. 2) She's a doer. Man, she's always doing something!! She gets involved with her community, goes to intellectual reading and discussion groups, and tries to stay fit. I think if she sat around all the time she might have more time to worry. 3) She's not worried about what people think. When her husband got a new job here in Utah, she and her family packed up their belongings and left their million dollar home in Arizona. They moved into a three bedroom condo here in Utah. They originally planned on staying in the tiny condo for only a few months, but it has been more than a year now. Others in her situation might be worried about what the neighbors, or friends and family members might think of their situation - 6 kids crammed under that little roof. But she loves it! She embraces the simplicity of their new life and chooses not to care what people care or say. So I guess my New Year's Realization is that I need to be HAPPY and stop complaining. I need to take advantage of beautiful opportunities for growth and learning all around me. I need to stop caring what other people think and JUST LIVE.

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

Much love,

Ashley

Concerns Addressed & Expounded Upon

2008-12-15T12:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, not that I'm an expert (I'm not) but my husband is in his 2nd year of medical school and we are 1,300 miles away from our family. So I thought I would attempt to ring in on a couple of Sharyl's concerns and please, anyone else, feel free to do so:

My concerns/worries about the next 10-12 years: Loneliness.
Definitely a legit concern and I was concerned about the same exact thing. Everyone I know with a spouse in medical school's husband handled studying/routine differently. However, what I anticipated for medical school was much worse than the reality of being here. I thought Adam would be in class everyday from 8-5 (some days he is but not on most days) and that he would then study the rest of the night until after I fell asleep leaving us minuscule moments to connect.

So, before we even got here, we tried to rope out a plan that went along with those scary expectations: We would eat supper together. We would have a date night on Friday nights. We would try and work out together.

We did and still do those things but the time commitment hasn't been as bad as I'd anticipated. One thing that helps is Adam is a morning person and gets a lot of studying done before I'm awake, praise the Lord. Second thing that helps is they cannot study ALL weekend, EVERY second. So you carve out times together to do little everyday things. That definitely helps. There are a lot more thoughts about that but I don't want to drone on forever. I hope your reality of med school isn't as bad as your expectation, too!!!

Oh, but also I found close girlfriends and community outside of home. You and your husband can't be equally involved in extracurricular activities so it certainly helps to find your own venues and relationships. We even have a girls' group of women who are married to med. students and we meet once a week and it's a HUGE blessing.

Stress. The place where I feel stressed is money, I think. Because I stress about money more than my husband does. Your husband will probably stress about school, class ranking, etc. I think that's where we come in to encourage and to remind them of the ULTIMATE GOAL. I.E. you are learning information to become a good physician, period.

10-12 years. take it a day at a time. Don't start saying, "Once we get to rotations" or "Once we get to residency" or "Once we get out of residency" because, as my mom would say, "You'll wish your life away." These past two years have been PRECIOUS and I wouldn't trade them. You really go through this experience together and it is stretching but it is full of surprises and simplicity too. Being so far away from everything familiar and safe has really concreted our relationship and who we are as a couple and what we believe.

Money. Yeah. We don't have much. I work full time but don't make very much money. I'm also almost 6 months pregnant and so we will soon have even less as I am staying home with our little bambino! I don't think this is for everyone but I've seen people do it well and we felt really good about taking that step. You learn to budget well and get really creative with date nights and gifts.

Starting a family? See above response.

Being a cliche "Dr's wife". Being "Dr Evans' wife" and not "Sharyl". I sat by these three women at a restaurant and I was so judging them in my head thinking they were total doctor''s wives. Sure, it was wrong of me to judge them but I so don't want to be that lady. I worry about staying "me" once I'm not working and staying home with our son. I pray that the Lord and good friends keep me grounded and reminds me of my identity.

His satisfaction with his chosen profession. His stress and anxiety levels. Grad school for me? Money. Starting a practice. Augh! Does someone else want to touch on these! I'm tuckered.

Good post Sharyl! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

Intro

2008-12-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hola! So, since I saw Ashley do this I figured I'd revert to 7th grade too and try not to look like a geek. (I moved a lot and was always the new kid, intros suck when everyone is staring at you and you are thinking "Ok, now what the heck is my name again???").

Im Sharyl. Originally from...well...nowhere, like I said, but my parents live in Florida now so I guess Im from there. We live in the beautiful state of Georgia and met at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. (Cliche, for those of you who are Mormon, I know). Our story is pretty interesting and if you want to know Ill tell it to you sometime. Anyway, the reason why I am here: 1) My husband is genius. 2) He wants to be a doctor. "We" got accepted to Mercer University School of Medicine in Macon, GA that has a killer curriculum that Harvard Med copied. He has an interview at Emory in January and has been offered/has had 3 other interviews. We feel pretty fortunate to have a lot of support from his family and sage advice from his mother who is an anesthesiologist.

My concerns/worries about the next 10-12 years: Loneliness. Stress. 10-12 years. Money. Starting a family? Being a cliche "Dr's wife". Being "Dr Evans' wife" and not "Sharyl". His satisfaction with his chosen profession. His stress and anxiety levels. Grad school for me? Money. Starting a practice.

This blog was an amazing idea and I am sincerely grateful to you who have created it.

First Day of School Introductions

2008-12-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

So this kind of feels like the first day of 7th grade after moving to a new town. I'm actually nervous introducing myself. Gosh I hope I don't misspell something or drool on myself. Here it goes...

I am :
Ashley Willis.
From Utah.
Marketer, dancer, learner, and laugher.
Wife of aspiring physician.
Terrified and excited about spending the next decade as a medical school tag a long.

My husband, Blair, is in the process of doing interviews for medical school right now. In his spare time, he works every day at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital from 2:30 to 11:30 at night. He's had this work schedule for the past several months. Most of the time I just deal with it and try to stay busy once I get home from work. But sometimes it's achingly lonely and I find myself wondering how I can stand 10 years without spending more time with my husband. I've read through a few of your posts and I must say that I think you are all AMAZING. I'm pretty much here to grab a hold of your hands and let you teach me how to not just make it through this experience but LOVE IT :) Thanks for inviting me. I'm excited to get to know you all.

We Need Help!

2008-11-25T18:07:00.000-08:00

What are your thoughts on the name of this blog? Do you like "Med School Tagalongs"? Do you think it is lame-o? Do you have any other ideas?

Please comment and leave any suggestions for a blog name, decor, or anything else! Feel free to leave it anonymously if you're too scared...just kidding.

Thanks for Inviting Me!

2008-11-25T05:27:00.000-08:00

Me: Christina Renee (Alstott) Lee

Wife and inspiring Graphic Artist (I guess, still in training)
Tidbit about me: 31 -Oldest of 4 siblings, 3 half siblings and 2 step siblings

Married to: Dr. William Douglas Lee II D.O. hee hee
1st Year Resident at Hamot Medical Center
Tidbit about him: 30-grew up on a horse farm

From: Indianapolis, IN and met at Anderson University

Pet: Shephard Mix breed - Sierra She is my baby!

Moved to Erie: June 22, 2008 prior to Bill's graduation from LECOM Bradenton in June.Me and Bill before LEPROM'06

Me in the middle of Sarasota Bay, kayaking with Bill. Our favorite thing to do there.

We loved Florida and we grew to love Bradenton and near by Sarasota. We made so many life long friends whom we miss GREATLY!
We always had so much fun at the beach....grilling out, football, volleyball or just
laying back at night and watching the stars.

LEPROM Again ....Kim and Amber became our closest friends.
They are from Erie and went to LECOM Florida. I wonder why?

Life brings change and change takes time to get used to. We are blessed to have a great God who takes care of us and is so passionate about us. He is leading us to His ultimate goal for our lives. He has provided us with friends & support along the way....
......and He continues to do so here in Erie.
So, THANKS FOR INVITING ME to your small group! I enjoy the friendship and support. When you come to a new city or start a new chapter in your life, a support of a friend is what helps you get through those tough and lonely times. It was not accident when Elizabeth walked into my work. Our conversation was no accident......
God was leading me to a group of new friends!
Christie

Howdy!

2008-11-20T12:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks Brooke & Camille for letting me in the loop. Here's a little tidbit about me.
I'm Emily, married to hubby-resident Justin. We have two little nuggets: Jacob (2 years) and Hudson (2 months) that I stay home with. We got married fresh out of Baylor and a couple short months later my hubby started med school at UT Houston. I was his sugar mama all through medical school until we had our first child in his 4th year. Justin had a sweet schedule then and got to spend a lot of time home with us. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment all through med school and had to share a room with our baby for 8 mos. We fit more furniture in that room than should ever be possible. It was a Master Bedroom, Office, and Nursery all in one!
We moved to Colorado just over a year ago for Justin's PM&R residency and love it here. Though we love it, it's been a tough adjustment moving so far away from friends and family. We had an incredible group of fellow meddies in Houston that we had small group and bible study with. It was so encouraging to us to be around so many other married folk in med school, especially fellow believers. Moving here we were all on our lonesome.
Anyways, Hubby finished his intern year (whew!) this June and started the first of 3 years of PM&R residency. Well, just recently - like in the last month - he officially decided Anesthesia is the way to go. He was dissatisfied with PM&R and has always liked Anesthesia. (Unfortunately, Anesthesia was his last rotation as a 4th year med student and he had already matched with PM&R.) So, we really want to stay in Colorado. There is only one position for a PGY2 (tranlation: post graduate year 2) here but his interview this week went REALLY well. He's also going to interview other places.
I think it was really hard for him to tell me that he wanted to switch, knowing that this year won't count toward anything (thankfully intern year counts!) and therefore we'll be adding another year of lowsy residency salary to our future. Plus, we'll be saying "adios" to the sweet PM&R residency schedule which has no overnights and barely any weekends. Anesthesia is a different story. While it's no the worst, there are definitely a lot more overnights and weekends. That's particularly difficult when you have a family. But more than wanting to have things be easier, I want Justin to love what he does. And most of all I want us to be in God's will. So this new bump in the road isn't nearly as overwhelming as I would have expected it to be. Granted, we haven't found out where we'll be yet. The thought of packing up and leaving this house that we have poured our blood, sweat and tears into makes my head hurt. But one thing at a time. We should find out in the next month or so whether he got in here.
So there's a choppy little synopsis of our path on this crazy journey so far. And as for the comments people make about me marrying a doctor, I say, "No...I married a broke medical student and now I'm a lowly resident's wife." And if there's any prestige (gimme a break) in being married to a doctor, I will have more than earned it when all this is said and done!
Glad to meet y'all and thanks for letting me jump in!

Response to Brooke's Post....

2008-11-20T11:42:00.000-08:00

Okay Brooke, you have inspired me to post again because this topic really aggravates me....it has been a while since my last post!! The main reason it has been so long is because we had a baby!! (almost 3 months ago) I guess that still does not give me an excuse because I have been keeping my own blog updated, but now I am finding more time for things...especially since Addy has become a good napper!! She is also ALMOST sleeping through the night. Please don't tell me how your baby slept through the night at 2 weeks because I have heard a lot of that lately.....I guess Addy just really enjoys being awake!

Anyways, Camille did comment that I have a great story about conversations with people about your husband being in medical school. Yes I do and it was quite a shocker coming from the elderly lady across the street. It was my husband's first week in medical school and I was outside taking a walk and when I passed by her house she stopped me to chat. Here is what I can remember of our conversation:
Neighbor: "How is Josh enjoying medical school?"
Me:"Oh he is enjoying it so far. We really like being up here."
Neighbor: "Oh well have you found a job yet?"
Me: "Yes, I will be teaching at _____ school district."
Neighbor: "Oh so does he make any money during school?"
Me: "No he doesn't while he is in school. "
Neighbor: "Well you need to be saving that money you are making teaching. Don't let him pay for his school with it."
Me: I basically just looked at her like she was crazy.
Neighbor: "My nephew went to medical school and he got married before he went to school and his wife worked all through school. When he graduated he left her for another woman and she didn't have any money. She had used all her money to pay for his school."
Me: Wondering what in the world I was supposed to say I think I muttered something like thank you and walked away.

This conversation really upset me because I had not had someone say something like that to my face. Yes I have heard all the stories about doctors leaving their first wife, etc., but there are also good doctors who love their families and put them first. Josh loves his family and medicine is not the most important thing to him. Of course I immediately called my mom to tell her this story and she said she is probably just a bitter old lady. Josh was pretty upset she said this about him and we avoided her house for quite some time.

I have now realized she is just a negative person. When I told my neighbors I was pregnant the other ladies were so excited about it. The lady across the street responded by saying "Yeah my nephew and his wife had a baby during medical school." I just ignored the comment because I was sick of hearing about it.

I am happy to say my husband will graduate May 31 and we have a 3 month old little girl. We are still happily married and I am not saving my money for myself one day!! Marriage is a partnership and right now yes I am the breadwinner, but soon he will be finished with school and I will not have to be in that position.

One more thing....when people say "Oh you are going to be a doctor's wife," I want to say...yeah we have spent 4 years living on one salary, we have used furniture in our tiny home, we both have cars with way too many miles on them, we just now got satellite tv, we have a used washing machine that shakes and sometimes moves across the floor, we used space heaters our first year in school to try to save money on our heating bill, we never pay full price for clothing, I love to shop at garage sales and we shop at Erie County Farms to get groceries a little cheaper. I love my life and we have grown so close through school, but there have been difficult times. Now we like to look back and laugh at all the things we did to "survive" school. It has definitely made us appreciate every little thing we buy now! I don't think people realize being a doctor's wife is not like it looks on television!!

conversations at target

2008-11-20T08:35:00.001-08:00

Im sure we all have those kind of conversations with random strangers.. where they give you advice, or comment on your life, or say something random. It happens all the time when I say Freeland is in Med School. It doesn't bother me. Sometimes what they say can actually be helpful.

Last weekend I ran into Target to return something. I got to talking to the woman helping me. She was nice. She was probably 25 or so.. and we had one of those conversations. But this time she totally threw me for a loop by what she said!! I guess I mentioned we had just moved here.. and here is how the conversations went.

Her: Oh so you just moved up here?
Me: Yes, back in June
Her: What brought you all the way up here?
Me: Oh my husband just started his first year at LECOM
Her: Oh thats nice

quick pause...

Her: So you are going to be a doctor's wife?

another awkward pause..

Me: (kind of laughing because I didnt know what she meant) Umm I guess, technically.. I will be since my husband will be a doctor..
Her: Oh thats so nice! A doctor's wife! I bet your mom was proud when you married him..
Me: (what??!! still laughing and trying to figure out what that meant) umm maybe. But she also works for a group of doctors so I think she didnt have that exact feeling. She more joked about if I knew what I was getting myself into.
Her: Oh, well yeah. I guess it can be really hard. And he will be gone all the time. And he will always be busy. Yeah.. thats going to be really hard.

.. after the last comment I kind of wanted her to go back to the mom being proud part of the conversation.

I was cracking up when I walked off after we finished. First Im a "doctor's wife".. then my mom was proud of me (like I won something) then my life pretty much sucked and was going to be really hard!

I think she realized half way through what she had said. Although, Im still not sure what being a "doctor's wife" means. And I think she also forgot to notice that I was shopping at Target.. and returning something because we have no money! So.. if thats what being a "doctor's wife" means.. then yes - I am.

Maybe these just happen to me. But if not, I would love to hear what other people have said to yall .. or what the craziest comment you have had someone say to you before was... I feel like I have a few others I could add!

Quality, not quantity

2008-11-06T12:18:00.001-08:00

So, yes, I may be a slow learner at times. Whenever asked if I "date" my hubby, I say..."of course!" My mind automatically thinks of all the dates we have gone on. They usually consist of going out to eat and putting around at the mall while waiting for the late show to start. Usually a full evening of fun filled events, not to mention expense! I am finally learning now that he is in school with a tight schedule that it isn't the quantity of time that counts, but quality. Thanks to my awesome sister who was visiting, ( and because she was my only ear at the time, also got to listen to me vent!) my husband and I were able to take some time for ourselves. But, because it was a Wednesday night, and a huge anatomy test was looming over his head for Friday, we had about an hour and a half to catch up on the week. It was wonderful!!! We went to a coffee shop (which are bountiful in the college towns, I am sure you have figured out!) and sat down to talk for awhile. Being the unseasonable beautiful weather we were having, we went for a little stroll, and talked some more! We stopped in a couple boutiques and looked around, and we went to the Pioneer COOP to pick up our favorite bread and lunch meat. We spent an hour and half together, and I feel recharged and great about the time that was spent. May not have been what I called a true date in the past, but my hubby and I are going to try our hardest to make it a once a week thing. I am totally psyched!

Residency Interviews

2008-11-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that my husband's time in med school is quickly coming to an end. Everyone says that the time flies by and I am definitely seeing that now!

My husband Jeff is starting the interviewing process for residency now and had his first interview yesterday. The interview went well, and I got to travel with him for this one so that was nice. Still, the whole process of waiting for the match to happen can be very stressful. Everyone in our families and at work has started asking, "Where does he want to do his residency?" and it is difficult to explain to them that although we have preferences, the final decision comes down to the match and we don't have a whole lot of control in the process. At times I get really stressed by this, but recently I have been praying about it a lot and trying to lay my worries in God's hands. I try to remind myself that God brought us to Erie and paved the way for us to have some great experiences and meet some really neat people and he will do the same for us on the next step of the way.

That is one huge lesson that I have learned so far in this whole med school time period...God is in control and already knows where he wants us next. :) So, for those of you who are just starting the med school wife journey, remember to slow down and be in prayer about these scary transitions...you will be blessed by God's peace!