WE MADE IT!!!

We survived our first year of marriage while my husband was in his first year of medical school. Reading back on my old posts you could tell I was a complete emotional mess. I am so happy to say that things turned around and I found a positive outlook to the obstacles that we over came throughout the year. On Saturday we will be celebrating our first year of marriage. It brings me great joy to know that I have been blessed with a wonderful man. I am also thankful for all of you who helped me through out this journey. It was tough in the beginning and I can not thank this blog spot enough for helping me keep sane.

THANK YOU!!!

musings

on this day many, many years ago - back when it was 2009 - OrthoMan opened an email. it was the results of his Step 1 scores taken just a few weeks previously...

our family of 3 was a family of 2.5. there was 1 car, a pregnant wife/chauffeur, {future} Orthoman, and enough stress and anxiety to fill Yankee Stadium.

it was early in the morning when we set out on the 20 minute drive to the testing center. there was 7 weeks of INTENSE preparation leading up to this one test. we didnt really speak because we were both so freaked out. i mean, this one effing test would determine the rest of our lives!!! and as everyone here knows, that's really not an overstatement. i gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my hands hurt when i got home. i was convinced that my lil heart would explode at any minute, which would distract Orthoman while he was taking his test and cause him to fail said test and have his life ruined TWICE in one day. yikes.

i dont remember much about that day because frankly, i went home and slept for most of the day. except for when i went to Coldstone for lunch. and got the love it size. in a waffle cone. with 2 mix-ins.

since we had only 1 car i had to guess when he might be finished. i showed up about an hour earlier than he suggested. then i waited an hour and a half to see him. i had on NPR and pretended to listen to The Splendid Table {great program, btw}. and then i saw him. he walked out with his bf/bff/study buddy/comrade/etc. he nodded in my direction, acknowledging my presence, but didnt move from his spot. he stood there an extra 43 minutes (YES! i counted). i wanted to smack him, but instead i gave him a kiss when he got into the car and gave him a cheesy grin.

but he sat there. that ass just sat there not saying anything. "i didnt fail it, but i didnt do much better than passing."

it almost killed me. i reassured him as best as i could. of course he didnt fail!

but what if he did? what if my husband, whose friends commended him for studying the hardest and longest, actually failed. i wanted to strangle him and scream. i wanted to yell and shout, "how can you do this to us?!?! i've given EVERYTHING to make this work and to support you!" {and those thoughts were in no way fueled by my pregnancy hormones, i swear}.

instead, i said, "do you still want to go to Red Robin and get some dinner?"

a few weeks later i was sitting at my desk at work. my feet were being propped up by a box of office paper and i was on the phone with one of the partners, trying to figure out where the numbers must have been transposed on a statement. it was about 90 billion degrees outside and 4473% humid {once again, i am in no way exaggerating). the conversation was lasting longer than my bladder and i was dying. the last thing on my mind was {future}Orthoman. then i got a text. it said nothing except three numbers. i re-read it 4 or 9 times to make sure i got it right.

2-he kicked-ass

after a month of preparing for the worst and expecting nothing, here it was. he was home free. he had license to become WHATEVER he wanted! we could go into any field we wanted! we managed to break through the glass ceiling.

i just wish he had some idea of what he wanted to go into.

---

i'm an orthowife, and this is my life.

Honesty.

Ok, so my husband just began residency but when Adam began medical school, I remember having a discussion with my new-found friends, other wives of medical students. We all discussed the negative comments that were made to us when people (often, strangers!) found out that we were married to someone beginning medical school. They went something like this:

Oh, a doctor, eh? You'll never see him!

or

Oh, my sister married a guy and after he went to medical school then he graduated and cheated on her with a nurse and left her!

and the like. (These comments are best said in an old-lady, scratchy voice for the full effect.)

Delightful!

So, we all discussed these comments and were intrigued at peoples' perceptions and ideas of helpfulness towards us.

It was fine.

Now, that I'm beginning a new phase (residency), I'm experiencing a lot of the same conversations that I took a part in, four years ago.

Some are helpful. Like, an older, married doctor who was advising Adam on how to establish appropriate boundaries with employees of the opposite sex at the hospital.

Some only create fear. Like, people telling me that I need to show up (with homemade cookies, of course) at the hospital all the time because, only then, the nurses won't try to jump my husband.

Adam and I have had to sit down and have several discussions about these situations and conversations.

I have no reason not to trust Adam.

And honestly, every nurse that I am friends with is a woman of integrity and most of them are married.

Nevertheless, we (both of us) do have to be on guard and establish appropriate boundaries with anyone that could threaten our marriage. Our marriage does have a real enemy (and it ain't a nurse), who wishes to steal, kill & destroy. Therefore, communication is key. Accountability is crucial.

I don't need to know that my husband loves me and is more attracted to me than anyone else in the world, although that is nice. I need to know that he is committed to defending and protecting our marriage and my heart. I need to know that he has a plan in place, boundaries set up, accountability in place. I need to know that the fear of the Lord is in his heart and he is aware of the temptations and pitfalls in the world and workplace.

I want my husband to love his job. I want him to enjoy the people at work. But I want our marriage, and our family, to win.