Newbie and Questions, Questions Questions

Well I am so excited to have found you guys, its really nice to have others out there that have already done what we are about to start. I was actually getting really frustrated having so many questions and just no one we know to turn too to ask. We currently have no friends that have gone to medical school in the last 10 years or are planning on it. So once again I am so grateful for all of you out there that can answer questions.

I think I will start by introducing us. My name is actually Loni and my husbands name is Jordan. We have been married for 4 years. We went to school for a short time in Rexburg Idaho and shortly after getting married transferred schools to the University of Pittsburgh for the neuroscience program they offered, we were so excited when we moved, we bought our first home there and then later invested in another duplex to rent out and are now renting out both houses. We lived in Pittsburgh for 3 years and then both of us graduated with degrees in Neuroscience/chemistry. We had almost every class together and helped each other all the way through school. We have done sales for 2 years, working side by side, being together 24-7. I was pregnant during our last year of school and our first son was born 6 days after graduation. We named him Kyren and he is now 18 months old and just adorable. After graduating my husband got a job as a Neurophysiology Technician and monitors nerve activity through several tests (electrical) in the OR during spinal surgeries mostly. Every once in a while he does brain tumor cases or other head trauma. Last year he was laid off due to several neuro-surgeons quitting the hospital he worked at. And being the newest employee was laid off. So we found a job doing the same thing with a company called Physiom in southern California and gratefully moved back west closer to family.

6 weeks ago we had our second son, its been so much fun, we named him Parry, which is my maiden name. He has been such an easy baby and I can't believe we have two kids already.

The goal has always been medical school, infact we were going to go together. But somewhere along the way my mommy button was pushed and I decided I wanted to invest in what really matters to me: Family. I love being a mom and always wanted to be a stay home mom (even after med school), and so I decided to forgo med school. Anyway He was just accepted to the med school PNWU in Yakima WA and I started doing some more reasearch and now have many many more questions.

Question 1: One has already been addressed but I feel like I need some more help in that area or perhaps a specific answer to how you guys feel. I have always known about the pelvic exams and they really didnt bother me but heres the clincher....My huband asked how his school performs them and he was told that the Students perform the exams on EACH OTHER!! So not only does he now study with these women, spend time with them, but now he has to do a pelvic exam on one of them! I just don't know how I am to overcome this. I have slight jealousy tendencies but have never heeded them due to the fact that I trust my husband very much and their usually very silly, BUT I do not trust other women. Anyway it has never really been an issue but I all of a sudden feel this terrible jealous feeling, and I have always been able to make them stop because they have always been unlogical, but this one doesnt seem to be silly. BUT then you add that they have to have their own class mates do the prostate test on HIM!! I cant stand the idea of another women touching my husband, its bad enough to get over him touching another women knowing that I am sure its not a romantic thing, it becomes "work" its not the right setting but come on, his own class mate that he might study with? And then she gets to touch him? I mean he is a man, they get stimulated very easy! Anyway please ladies help me find some logical way for me to calm myself down or let me know that this classmate thing is trully really weird and shouldnt be done, maybe I can talk to someone in administration about it or something. And what about the Breast examination, I know vaginas stink and are on the whole pretty unpleasant but what about Breasts? And it would be nice if all other women were ugly but they arent so what do you do when hes examining some "hot chick"?

Question 2: Does medical school training change sexual behavior/ relationships? I am sure you guys know what I mean. So our relationship is "X" now and then after 4 years of exposure to many bodies, breasts, vaginas, cadavers, tests, other women, supressed feelings etc. Does your relationship change to "Y"? Do any of you have experience in dealing with the emotions your husbands go through throughout medical school and the best way to do so? Does he look at you differently after skinning a breast earlier that day in the cadaver lab? Is there the temptation to do the taught exams on you during love making? Does he compare you? And if the answer is yes, then how do you handle these emotions to not make it worse for your relationship?

Question 3: Are they forced to study with other women? Is it plausable to ask him to not study with other women? I know he would if I asked him, but is that even feasible? I would like to think it is. This worry stems from the fact that our relationship was built off studying together, we had our whole degree together, talking about the curriculum stimulated other converstaions. I also know that my husbands main language of love is time. how do I handle him spending time with other women when I feel like that is the time that made our relationship what it is. I also feel like he is going to have some connection with his classmates that I will always be left out of because I did not go to medical school. What do I do with that?

Question 4: So this is off topic but we have a lot of student loans from undergrad and we are trying to figure out if his will go back into deferrel during medical school or if we have to pay them with other loans. I want to stay home and am hoping to find some line of work to do from home but we won't make enough to live off of and pay back student debt. The other question is if its worth it to consolidate them knowing that you cant defer them EVER once you do so. Do you really pay student loans with a nother student loan? That just irritates me, so much debt! Let me know what you guys did. We have two private student loans from undergrad and then of course some federal ones.

Question 5: Would you all do it again? Do any of you wish you had decided to not go forward with medical school? Or wished that your husband had found another career....like being a dentist or something?

Alright, those are the most pressing questions to me right now and I would LOVE and appreciate any words of advice or comfort from you ladies with more experience. Thank you so much and I am glad I found this blog. Its now time for me to go feed a cute little boy thats very hungry and then make some banana cake that I have been craving all day.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Loni

Pelvic Exams and Such

Well, Jordan asked how we felt about our husbands doing pelvic and breast exams and I couldn't resist jumping in there. I remember posting this during my husband's second year. We were newly pregnant with our first kid and he had his big pelvic exam day approaching.

I was not very excited.

Luckily, the woman on whom my husband had to perform his first pelvic exam was a rather large, older woman. This made me feel a lot better than some young cute thing, you know? Since then, he's had to do tons of pelvic exams, especially in the Emergency Department. Most of these cases are STD's or infections or bleeding-related. I don't really even think about it anymore. I know that he is nervous, trying to perform well and not hurt anybody. It's just so mechanical to them, you see that there's nothing else happening.

Those are my thoughts- it ends up being not a big deal and you realize that there was no reason to worry. It's work, plain and simple. It's like a car. With an STD. Or heavy bleeding.

YOUR pelvis is the one that he thinks is pretty.

Jordan, I do have thoughts on the studying with/spending time with medical school girls thing, I'll address that in another post. I know, I know...be still, my beating heart.

The plunge.

Well there is no turning back now. My husband and I found out two days ago that we will be parents in June. Scary as that it is we are very excited and have been spreading the news of our little one for the past two days. I'm experiencing a lot of emotions right now which fluctuate from joy to "oh crap I'm not ready for this". It doesn't seem real and most likely won't until we have our first appointment in late Oct. I'm looking forward to this roller coaster ride with my eyes on the God who created me and my wonderful husband holding my hand along the way. :)